White Flag
by nwtly
Summary: How Lucas will realize that he is the guy for Brooke Davis, through his failed attempt to reconcile things with Peyton and after finding four more letters Brooke wrote after letting him go. Post-S5. Brucas, Naley, Leyton, Browen & Jeyton.
1. Brave New World

**White Flag**

**Disclaimer:** These characters belong to Mark Schwahn and the CW. I own none of them. No copyright infringement intended.

**Spoilers:** The story picks up after Season 5. I will also incorporate into this story the 4 four letters I wrote for my last fic, 86 letters, but you don't need to have read it before starting this one :-)

**Summary:** How Lucas will realize that he_ is_ the guy for Brooke Davis, through his failed attempt to reconcile things with Peyton and after finding four more letters Brooke wrote after letting him go. This is will eventually be Brucas, but you'll also find some Naley, Leyton, Browen, and Jeyton. And lots of Jamie too, because that kid owns my heart!

**Author's note:** To all of you that have read 86 Letters, this is the story I promised in which Lucas will find those 4 letters and confront Brooke about them. This won't be a simple one/two-shots because before Lucas comes to his sense as to who he really wants to be with, I want him to realize why it can't work with Peyton. And I wanted this to be as realistic as possible, so I'll try to integrate most of the characters. The letters won't come up before a few chapters, but I promise Lucas will find them in due time. Oh, and it's my first time writing anything but Brucas, so please be indulgent. I hope to do justice to all the characters, and to English, because it is not my first language.

**Chapter 1: ****Brave New World**

_Into the brave new world,_

_I hope I see you on the other side of this changing world._

_Baby when my ship pulls in,_

_I try to believe in anyone, look at the state I'm in…_

_But for now_

_I'm just sitting at the table_

_Hearing songs, wishing I was able_

_Stable,_

_Na na na na naranana_

_I hope I see you on the other side_

_Na na na na naranana_

_I hope I see you on the other side…_

_(Don't keep me waiting)_

Brooke sighed as she closed the door of her c/b store behind her. The streets of Tree Hill were empty and void of all emotion at this hour of the night and she couldn't help but think that it matched her mood perfectly.

She dropped her car keys on the counter and slowly took a look around. She remembered feeling so excited about opening this store, about moving back home, about starting her fashion line. It all seemed like a lifetime ago now. Tonight she felt like she would never feel that way again – happy. Happiness had boarded on a plane a few hours ago. Happiness had demanded to be called Victoria instead of Mom. Happiness was destined to be together with Peyton Sawyer.

She reached for the light switch but changed her mind when she realized how bright the lights would actually be. She couldn't handle them right now. Instead she walked to the back of the store, intending to grab a bottle of water from the mini-fridge. She had cried so much today that she felt like all water had left her body. She wished her heart had left too, so she wouldn't feel so lost.

A big delivery box was sitting in the middle of the room and Brooke immediately grabbed a pair of scissors and proceeded to open the package. Anything that could keep her mind off of Angie was a relief, and receiving her new _fabulous _designs was definitely a welcome distraction, she thought with a smile.

But her smile fell as soon as she reached the first piece of clothing from the box. Of course. It had to be _tonight_.

Back when Angie was still there, she had been designing her new clothing line for Macy, and a few of the designs she had pitched were baby clothes; cute, adorable baby clothes. She had drawn those sketches because Angie had affected her life in the best way possible and she wanted to communicate that through what she did best – designing clothes. All the sketches had come to life and were now sitting right in of her, in that box. But Angie was gone.

With tears in her eyes, she closed the box. It was no good dwelling on the pain – she'd cried enough today. She would open the box again tomorrow, when it was more bearable. Tonight she just couldn't handle it, just like she couldn't handle being at home alone without Angie. After she had gotten the call informing her that Angie had arrived home safely, she had to get out of there. She had driven around town for a little while before stopping at the beach. She wanted to sit in the sand and lose herself in the immensity of the ocean. She wanted to hear the waves crash on the beach instead of Angie's cries echoing in her ears.

But the wind was blowing tonight, and while it had seemed like a good idea at first, sitting there with sand in her eyes and with her hair blowing in her face was less than romantic.

So she had ended up here. It seemed like every time something went wrong in her life, she turned to her fashion line. People sometimes saw it as frivolous, meaningless even, but it was so much more to her. It was her haven – the place where nothing could touch her. Her store represented that feeling to some extent, which is why she had come here tonight. She wanted to feel like everything was going to be okay again. She_ needed_ to feel that way.

Brooke grabbed a bottle from the fridge and took a few sips as she walked back in the store and sat on the couch. She felt lonely. No matter how much she had told herself that Angie was going to leave, no matter how hard she had tried not to get too attached, she had failed. She loved this little girl like her own daughter. And she was going to miss her _so_ much.

Her fatigue from the day was finally kicking in and Brooke lay down on the small couch. She curled up in a ball and closed her eyes. Images of the day flashed in her head. Dressing Angie up to go to the beach, reluctantly marking down another day on the calendar, receiving the phone call, packing up her things in a hurry, giving up Angie at the airport, turning around and seeing Luke watching her, breaking down in his arms. She felt so empty now, so drained. How come every time she held happiness in her hands – in her heart – it slipped away from her?

The question kept on swirling around in her mind as she finally closed her eyes and fell asleep. Tomorrow would be better. She had to believe that.

--

Lucas sighed as he closed his phone. He wasn't really sure what he had done. Haley had told him to stop running and hiding his heart, but the problem was that nothing was as clear in his heart as Peyton's drawing on the river court or as Lindsay's voice mail on his phone. It was all messy and tangled up, and he was standing right in the middle of it.

If he was being honest with himself, he had to admit that maybe he wasn't in love with Lindsay the way he had claimed he was. She meant so much to him – she had helped him publish his first book, and while he had been by her side during the last 4 years, he had grown from a boy to a man. But the part he always tried to forget was that she was the one who had helped him get over Peyton. She was uncomplicated, honest and beautiful. At first, he had loved her because she was so different from Peyton, but then he had truly fallen for who she was. But maybe it was the whole problem – he_ loved_ her, but he wasn't in love with her. Or at least, not the way he should be for someone that had been about to commit his life to her.

And then there was Peyton. All skinny legs and tangled mess of a hair. He couldn't help but wonder how things could get so complicated between two people who had loved each other the way they had. Maybe that's what true love really was about, but it didn't change the fact that it was hard. He had told her it was all hard – letting her go, losing her, seeing her again. It was hard because from the moment their lips had touched the night of the championship, he had always thought nothing would ever come between them. He never thought he would ever doubt what they had.

And maybe it was time for him to start believing again. Peyton said the people she loved always left her, but the truth is that he felt like they all left him too, one by one. Keith, Brooke, Peyton, his mom, Lindsay. Perhaps he was a romantic at heart, or perhaps having seen his mother so lonely for all those years had made him this way. But deep down, all he wanted was to love and be loved in return.

_Love is what it's all about_. He smiled as he remembered what the carriage driver had told Brooke and him that night in New York, after he had first learned that his book was going to be published.

Brooke. He had been standing here in the airport with her mere hours earlier. When he had seen her looking so broken, lost in the middle of the crowd, he had felt a need to protect her and keep her safe from the heartbreak of this world that was unlike anything he had ever felt in his life. She was so amazing and brave and beautiful, sometimes he wondered how she could still be single.

There was a time when she was his and he had truly thought she was the one for him. But somehow, she had stopped missing him, and he'd had to face the sad and difficult truth: he wasn't the guy for her. He remembered asking his mom what she did when Dan didn't love her back; she'd said she would get back to him when she got over it. A part of Lucas was still trying to get over losing Brooke. Sometimes she would look at him a certain way and for a fleeting moment, she was his again. But he knew better – she didn't love him anymore, and he loved Peyton. Or Lindsay.

How had he gotten himself in this mess in the first place? The time when it used to be just Haley and him seemed like a lifetime ago right now. He wished there could be some kind of sign that would help him figure out what he really wanted, deep down.

The sound of his cell phone ringing brought him back to reality. He grabbed it from his pocket and opened the text message he had received. A smile graced his face as he read it.

_Angie is home safe. Thank you for everything_. _And yes, I'm going to be fine. Stop brooding! Brooke._

He closed his phone, feeling relieved; and that's when he saw her. She was clutching her duffel bag with both hands, looking more nervous than he ever remembered seeing her. Maybe this was crazy, but he needed to take a chance on something. He had wanted this for long: now was the time to finally have it.

"Hey Luke," she said softly, almost shyly.

He smiled. "Hi Peyton."

--

"Brooke."

"Brooke!"

"Brooke, wake up!"

She groaned. Who was talking so loud and why was it so goddamn bright in here? And more importantly, why was her mattress so hard??

A hand lay on her arm and shook her gently. "Brooke, you gotta wake up."

She spoke without opening her eyes as she recognized the familiar voice. "Millicent? What are you doing in my bedroom?"

"We're not in your bedroom, Brooke. We're in the store."

Brooke immediately sat up and opened her eyes upon hearing Millicent's words. Given how sunny it was outside, she guessed it was around 8 or 9 am. She was amazed she had managed to sleep that much given last night's events, not to mention how uncomfortable this couch was. She made a mental note to herself to remember to buy a better one.

"Right. And you are here to open it," she stated.

"Yes," said Millicent, nodding. "Well, not really. In part." She stopped, nervous, and then spoke again. "I need to talk to you, Brooke."

Brooke looked up, and that's when she saw Mouth standing behind her assistant. So that's who the second voice was. She had thought she was crazy for a second. Her hand reached for her hair as she moved across the couch and invited Millicent and Mouth to sit down. God, she was not a morning person.

Mouth spoke first. "I was offered a job in Nebraska, as a sports anchorman, and I accepted it."

"Mouth that's great!" she screamed. "When do you start? What's the channel? Oh I'm so excited for you!" She stopped when she saw the way Millicent and Mouth were looking at her. "It's great, right? Because it looks like you both think it's bad news and I'm just really confused right now," she trailed.

Millicent smiled. "It's great news. But since Marvin and I want to be together and his new job is basically across the country, I decided to move with him. To Nebraska. Next month."

"Oh." It was the last news she had expected to get this morning, and all of a sudden she couldn't help but being sad at the thought of losing Millicent too.

"Are you mad? Because I know you have a lot of work with the new designs coming in soon, and Victoria is gone, and you have Angie now, and –"

"Millicent, I'm happy for you two! Really. It's great news." She smiled. Millicent had become a true friend over the months and she was going to miss her. But if Nebraska was where her happiness was, then Brooke was thrilled for her. Especially since Millicent's happiness involved Mouth being happy, too.

Millicent sighed in relief and smiled. "I'm so glad to hear you say that."

Brooke turned to Mouth. "You better take care of my girl or I will come to Nebraska and kick your butt!" she told him jokingly.

"I promise I'll take good care of her," Mouth said, laughing.

"You better, Anchor Boy."

"So where is Angie?" Mouth asked. "And why did you sleep in your store?"

Brooke's smile fell immediately. "Angie's gone."

"What?" Millicent exclaimed. "But she wasn't supposed to leave before next week! We had planned a goodbye party, and Lucas had suggested to throw it on the rooftop and he'd already bought all the decorations, and –"

Brooke sighed. "The agency called yesterday and said that she was going home earlier than expected because she'd been doing so well. I gave her back at the airport during the afternoon." She tried to smile and be brave but she didn't have it in her.

"I'm sorry, Brooke. I wish I could have been there."

"It's okay. I'll be okay, I think. I just needed some time alone, and the store seemed like the best place." She was silent for a few seconds. There it was again – the pain and confusion and hurt.

"But anyway," she said, swallowing her tears." I better get going so you can open up the store." She got up and grabbed her back and keys. "I'll back later today, 'kay? Mouth, congratulations, I'm so proud of you!"

She hugged him again. "Thanks, Brooke. Call us if you need anything, okay? We're here for you."

This time Brooke managed to muster a smile. "I know. Thank you, guys." She walked out of the store and into the bright sunlight. She didn't really know where to go from here. It was a brand new world and she had to find her place again.

--

_For those of you who are interested, the song I used for the title of this chapter is sung by Richard Ashcroft._


	2. Four in The Morning

**Author's note: **I can't even begin to tell you how blown away I was by the reviews you all left for the first chapter. I didn't expect this much feedback and I cannot thank you enough for your reviews and your comments on _86 Letters._ Seriously. I think there will be at least 15 chapters in this fic so I am very excited about writing them and sharing them with you!

One thing… this is my first time writing Leyton, so please bear with me… I tried to portray Lucas and Peyton at a certain stage of their relationship and I hope I succeeded.

Oh, and I answered your questions at the end of the chapter ;-)

Thanks, and enjoy!

**Chapter 2****: Four In The Morning**

_Wakin' up to find another day _

_The moon got lost again last night _

_But now the sun has finally had its say _

_I guess I feel alright _

_But it hurts when I think, when I let it sink in _

_It's all over me _

_I'm lying here, in the dark _

_I'm watchin' you sleep, it hurts a lot _

_And all I know is _

_You've got to give me everything _

_And nothing less 'cause _

_You know I'd give you all of me_

_Gwen Stefani - Four in The Morning_

Brooke walked in her living room, unsure whether she was happy to be home or not. Nothing had changed since yesterday and yet everything felt different.

"P. Sawyer!" she called out.

Hearing no answer and assuming Peyton was already back at work, Brooke grabbed her phone. She needed to talk to her best friend – not to mention the fact that Peyton still didn't know that Angie was gone.

Peyton's line was starting to ring when Brooke saw the note scribbled on a CD with a sharpie. _Typical_, Brooke thought to herself as he hung up. She started reading and she felt her world shift again as she slowly took in each of Peyton's words.

_Lucas called. We're off to Vegas__… to get married. Call me if you need anything. Love you B. Davis!_

Married? How insane was this? They had barely talked in three – no, four years. They had so many issues that Lucas could have written an entire book solely listing them. He had been pining for his ex-fiancée for weeks now. And now, they were going to get married?

Brooke sighed. Why was she getting so upset over this? Part of her thought it was due to the pace her life seemed to be on – everything was changing so fast and she felt like she couldn't catch up. But deep down, she knew that this was something she didn't want to catch up on.

She looked up at the clock in the kitchen. It was already 9:30am. Lucas and Peyton were probably married by now, basking in the bliss of true love after their first night as husband and wife. Her eyes lingered on the picture of Lucas, Angie and her on the fridge as she walked out of the kitchen. Maybe this was a good thing after all. Now she could move on for good.

--

"Lucas? In Vegas? How crazy is that?" Nathan asked Haley. They had been lying in bed for over an hour, just talking about anything and everything, and he would have been happy to spend the rest of his life right there, with Haley by his side.

"When I told him to stop hiding his heart, it's not exactly what I had in mind either," Haley said, chuckling. "But when I talked to him last night he said he was going there with Peyton, so I guess it's all going to work out in the end."

Nathan was silent for a moment. "What?" Haley asked him.

"You know, it's funny."

"What is?"

"Lucas. With Peyton."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know. At first, everybody thought they were the golden couple and all. But then he chose to be with Brooke, and I can't help but think that they were so good together. Like somehow, Peyton is … safe, you know. It's like choosing to love someone you know loves you back and is just like you."

"You think they shouldn't be together?"

"I don't know. I just think that Brooke loved Lucas enough to let him go so that Peyton could be happy with him, and that means something."

Haley nodded. "Lucas never realized it, though. I think he stills thinks that she stopped loving him."

She had seen how devastated Brooke had been, in spite of the brave face she had put on for everyone else – and especially for Lucas. By now, Haley had seen a few women fall in love with her best friend, but no love had seemed as deep as Brooke's. Maybe because it hadn't been about words. Brooke had sacrificed her own happiness for Lucas without hesitating, and it hadn't been an easy ride for her ever since.

"Maybe somebody owes it to him to open his eyes", Nathan suggested.

"I think he needs to find that out on his own," Haley said. "Besides, it looks like he made up his mind already."

"Yeah, maybe you're right."

"So guess what?" Haley asked Nathan.

"What?" he answered softly.

"My album is almost done," she said, a playful smile on her lips.

Nathan kissed her in response. "That's amazing, Hales!"

"Thank you, Mr. Scott!"

"You're welcome, Mrs. Scott." He kissed her softly. "So," he asked with his lips lingering on hers, "when do I get to hear it?"

"Not yet. I need some extra time to make sure every song is perfect."

"Come on! Please... For me?" He stared at her intensely on purpose, pleading her to give in. There were times when he did it without even intending to, but he couldn't help it – his wife was so damn beautiful. And he was so damn lucky she was in his life.

"I guess I could make an exception for you," she whispered. She ran her hand through his hair before resting it on his cheek, and Nathan kissed her before she had the time to take her next breath. She sighed in his mouth as he rolled her below him.

She remembered the words she had told Lucas on the rooftop and thought that it couldn't have been truer, especially in this moment.

_And while it hasn't been easy, it has been _everything_._

--

"Good morning," Peyton said softly.

"Morning", Lucas answered.

He had been awake for over an hour, taking in the amazing view they had from their hotel room. The water of the Bellagio fountain was moving to the sound of music, and he had been standing there, mesmerized by its grace and beauty. He could only make out a few words of the song – the few English ones. It talked about difficult goodbyes, it seemed.

Peyton took his hand in hers as she snuggled next to him, a bed sheet tied around her frail body. "This is like a dream," she whispered softly.

He turned to her and they kissed. "Do you regret anything?"

"No. We made the right choice."

He smiled.

"I want it to be perfect, when it happens," she said. "I want everything." He didn't answer anything and she framed his face with her hands. "I want everything with you, Lucas. I do."

"I know," he whispered. He kissed, letting their tongues meet. Outside the song was at reaching its peak. When their lips parted, he took her in his arms and held her for the longest time. It seemed like everything was finally falling into place in his life. He could remember being in 8th grade and dreaming he would kiss Peyton one day, and there she was now, his.

And she had almost become his forever last night. He had asker her to come to Vegas and get married with him, and she had shown up at the airport, giving him her answer. They had kissed at the airport, but it was only when they had landed in Vegas and opened the door to their hotel room that they had gravitated towards each other. But where they had both imagined feeling seamless with one another, it had been nothing like it. After all this time spent apart from each other, it all felt rushed and awkward – as if they were trying too hard to figure out what the other wanted.

Lucas had stopped while unbuttoning Peyton's blouse and he could feel her heart beating widely in her chest as he had rested his hand on her heart. "Do you want to wait?" he'd asked softy.

She'd frozen momentarily, and he'd gone on, explaining. "I want it to be right – all of it," he'd said, gesturing to the two of them and referring to the wedding as well, "and tonight seems… rushed?"

She had nodded."I love you, Lucas," she'd whispered.

He had kissed her. "I love you, too," he'd answered tenderly.

They had spent most of the night getting reacquainted with each other's body. Peyton had fallen asleep on his chest late during the night, but he had closed his eyes long after she had. There were too many thoughts running through his head.

"So what do you wanna do today?" Peyton asked him, pulling him out of his thoughts.

"I don't know. We could...spend some time in the casinos, and then there's this show we could go and see… and then I was thinking we could go home tonight," he said carefully, studying her reaction. He wasn't sure how she would feel about it. He just felt like going back to his life. He wanted to get it together now, and with her by side, he didn't need to run anymore.

"Actually, I think that's a great idea."

"You do?"

"Yes. I can't wait to go home with you," Peyton said. She looked so happy he couldn't help but mirror her smile.

"Alright then. We're going home tonight."

--

Brooke was grabbing napkins from the top shelf when Peyton picked up her phone and Brooke stared at her own phone in disbelief. "Why are you answering your phone?" Brooke asked without even saying hello.

"Because you called?" Peyton said, laughing.

"Don't play smarty pants with me, P. Sawyer. Or should I say P. Scott now?"

Peyton started to talk but Brooke cut her off. "Whatever it is, I don't want to hear it, Best Friend. There's probably some weird, kinky reason as to why you're picking up the phone at 10am after your wedding night that I do_ not_ want to know about."

"No, Brooke –"

"There's no '_no Brooke'_. So, when are you and Lucas coming home?"

"Tonight, actually," answered Peyton.

"What?!" Brooke dropped the bottle of coke she was trying to fit into her cart. "Shit!" she let out.

"Brooke? What's going on?"

"Nothing. Listen, what time does your flight land in Tree Hill?"

"9:30pm."

"Alright. Just come over to the store when you arrive, 'kay? You and Lucas, sober if you can, and looking fabulous. Alright, gotta go, see you tonight!"

Brooke hung up before Peyton could ask more questions. She hadn't expected the shorter delay, but she knew she could pull this off.

"Mommy says it's bad to swear."

Brooke turned to Jamie who was walking beside her, pushing his own mini-cart.

"Yes, but Mommy never drops bottles of coke, does she?" she asked him, smiling.

"No. Mommy says it's bad for the teeth, she never buys it."

"Exactly!" she answered, feeling triumphant.

"Brooke?"

"Yes, J. Luke?"

"Why did you look sad?"

"What do you mean?"

"When you were talking on the phone, you looked sad."

_Damn it,_ Brooke thought. _When did this kid get so smart?_

She kneeled down in front of him and tugged on his shirt. "I wasn't sad, Jamie."

"Yes you were."

Okay. She was changing her approach.

"You really want to know?"Jamie nodded. "It's gotta to stay a secret, though. It's between you and me, okay buddy?"

He put his hand on his heart. "I swear, Brooke Davis."

She smiled. He made her heart melt every time

"The reason I was sad is because Uncle Lucas got married with Peyton yesterday, and they're going to come home tonight, and soon they're going to start a family, just like your mom and dad. And do you know what I want more than anything else?"

He shook his head no.

"I want a family, too. I want it really bad, and I'm just sad that everybody has it but me."

Jamie looked at her for a few seconds, and then he stepped in and hugged Brooke with his small arms. "You have me," he said, breaking Brooke's heart.

"I know, buddy", she said, holding back her tears. She pulled back. "And I love you, you know that?"

"I love you too B. Davis," he said, and she couldn't help but laugh.

"Alright," she said, getting up. "What do you say we finish shopping for Uncle Lucas' wedding party?"

"Yeah!" Jamie jumped up and down in the aisle while pushing his cart eagerly, and Brooke wished she could feel as excited as him.

It was going to be a long day.

--

If any of you are interested, the song of the Bellagio water show in Vegas that I was referring to is called "Con Te Partiro (Time to Say Goodbye)". You can watch the whole thing on youtube by typing "bellagio water show time to say goodbye".

--

**othfan326**: don't worry, I won't have Lucas and Peyton married (simply because my shipper heart just wouldn't take it). That being said, they might do _other stuff_. You'll see what I mean when I post the chapter ;-) Thanks for your lovely review.

**evergloweyes**: thanks so much for your long review. I might take you up on your beta offer one of these days :-) Anyhow, I know that there were so scenes of Peyton or Lucas checking in on Brooke, but in Peyton's defense, she didn't know Angie was gone. Plus, I'm trying to portray their friendship in a certain light (because I think Peyton has not really been a good friend to Brooke – only when it worked out for her, too), so I don't want them too close (yet). As for Lucas, he would definitely called her if they hadn't gotten back from Vegas so soon.


	3. The After Life of The Party

**Author's note: **I've been writing faster for this story than I ever have, so I decided to post another chapter tonight. You guys have been so amazing anyway, I didn't want to make you wait longer. Oh, and I answered all your reviews at the end of the chapter because y'all are just so awesome;-D

I really wanted to pick up on everything that happened in the season finale, because I want this fic to be as realistic as possible… which means that Dan did have an accident. I hope you'll like what I decided to do with his character.

Enjoy!!

**Chapter 3: The (After) Life of t****he Party**

_I'm a stitch away from making it,_

_And a scar away from falling apart, apart._

_Blood cells pixelate and eyes dilate._

_And the moon peels,_

_Got me out on the street at night_

_Could it last?__ Watch you work the room._

Brooke was finishing putting the final touches to the banner when she heard voices coming from the stairs. She took a step back and admired her work. She'd done good.

"Hey guys!" she exclaimed as Nathan, Haley and Jamie stepped on the rooftop. Jamie ran up to her and she swept him off his feet, tickling him in the process.

"Hey Champion," she greeted him, putting him back down on the ground. "Do you like it?"

"I love it!!" he answered before running off to inspect everything in detail.

Haley laughed at his son. "Hey Brooke! You really did an amazing job. They're going to love it."

"Thank you, Tutor Mom. You and Nathan did pretty good with Jamie, too. He was a pro at shopping, I was really proud."

They all laughed. "Actually, I think he got that from you," Nathan said, and Brooke smiled proudly at his words.

"You hanging in there without Angie?" Haley asked.

Brooke shrugged. She'd told them Angie was gone when she'd picked Jamie earlier in the morning. She had tried her best not to show how much it affected her, but she wasn't sure how much of her convincing had actually worked, given how concerned Haley looked. "I'll be alright. It's just going to take some time."

Haley smiled. "Well you know we're –"

"Here for me, I know," Brooke said. "I promise I'll be fine."

"Momma, can I play with the water balloons?" said Jamie from across the rooftop.

"Alright, I'll be back," said Haley before walking towards Jamie, leaving Brooke and Nathan standing together.

"CongratuLeyton?" Nathan read, looking at the banner. "You got one imagination, Brooke."

"I know", she answered proudly. "Isn't it _awesome_?" She tried to sound as excited as she could, but as she had been drawing the letters on the banner, her arms had seemed to weigh a ton, just like her heart.

"You don't have to pretend, you know."

She looked up immediately. "Pretend about what?"

"I can see it's not as easy for you as you let everyone think. And it's okay," Nathan finished.

She was going to protest but Nathan cut her off. "And you wanna know what I think? I think you're amazing for doing all this. You'll get it all too, one day."

She sighed, letting her heartache take over for a short moment. "I sure hope so."

Before Nathan could say anything else, Skills, Mouth, Millicent, Fergie and Junk walked in and the moment was gone. In a way, Brooke, felt relieved. It was too hard to let those feelings out anyway.

"Damn, girl," Skills said. "That's one HUGE banner!"

"You like it?" Brooke asked him as she walked towards them.

"You kiddin'? P. Sawyer is gonna flip – it's amazin'!"

She hugged Millicent and Mouth and greeted Fergie and Junk before gesturing them to the food and drink tables.

She watched everyone as they said hello and started talking to each other. There was palpable excitement in the air and she tried to feel it too, with no luck. She needed a drink, and fast.

She drank down a shot and felt the rum slowly warming her up from the inside.

"You still okay, Brooke?" Nathan asked.

She knew what he was talking about, but she sure as hell wasn't about to acknowledge it. Not tonight. She needed to keep it together. "I'm marvelous, actually. Thanks for asking."

He saw the hardened look in her eyes and decided to drop the subject. "Listen, Brooke, there's something I need to tell you."

Only then did she notice how tired Nathan actually looked. She'd been too thrown off balance by his earlier comment to notice, but it was obvious now. There was something in eyes – a sadness laced with denial she knew all too well herself.

"Sure. Is everything okay in Naleyland?"

Nathan couldn't help but laugh at her words, in spite of the seriousness of what he was about to say. "Yeah. Listen… we haven't told Luke yet because we figured today wasn't the right time, and we were going to tell Jamie, but he got so excited about the party we didn't have the heart to ruin it…"

She stared him, intrigued. "What's going on, Nathan?"

"We got a call from the hospital this morning, after you left with Jamie." He clenched his jaw, and the words finally rolled off his tongue. "Dan died this morning."

Brooke opened her mouth and then closed it again. It was the last thing she had expected to hear. "How?" was the only thing she could muster.

"A car accident."

She had a hard time believing it. And then she remembered what it meant, both for Lucas and Nathan – not to mention Jamie. "How are you handling it?"

"I don't really know," he answered truthfully.

She nodded but didn't to press the issue. She knew what it felt like.

"Anyway, we're going to tell Lucas and Jamie tomorrow, but Haley and I wanted you to know now. He's going to need you."

"Yeah, of course. Just call me whenever you need me to spend time with Jamie."

"I meant Lucas, too."

--

"You think Brooke is throwing us a party?" Peyton asked Lucas. He had just parked his car in front of her house.

"It wouldn't surprise me, knowing her," he said, smiling.

"Do you think we should call her and tell her? I mean, she didn't give me a chance to tell her we didn't actually get married when she called, and…"

"And we_ are_ going to get married. And correct me if I'm wrong, but that's worth celebrating."

Peyton's smile widened."Yes it is."

"Besides," Lucas trailed, his hand playing with Peyton's hair, "I think everyone will be happy to know we didn't actually elope because they'll get to be at the wedding."

"At _our _wedding," Peyton corrected him. It almost seemed too good to be true. But Lucas really was here, touching her.

He kissed her. "Alright, go and get ready. I'll be back in half an hour."

"Okay." She kissed him again before getting out of the car.

Lucas watched her close the door behind her before pulling his car out and back on the road. There was something he needed to get before tonight.

--

Brooke leaned over the rooftop when she heard a car passing by in the street. She saw Lucas parking his red mustang and immediately motioned for everybody to get down. She turned off the light and proceeded to wait with everybody else.

Her heart started pounding in chest because she could picture the scene from here and she wished she hadn't had the stupid idea in the first place.

They would walk in the store hand in hand and find the lights turned on. At first, they would be too busy kissing to notice the rose petals on the floor. They would pull back for air, and as Lucas would put a strand of hair behind Peyton's ear, he would finally see the path created by the thousands of white petals scattered on the floor. Curious, he would grab Peyton's hand again and together they would walk up the stairs.

Soon enough footsteps could be heard, and the moment Lucas and Peyton stepped on the rooftop, Brooke turned the lights on and everyone jumped out of their hiding spots.

"Congratulations!!"

Lucas found himself at loss for words when the lights turned on. It wasn't just that everybody was there, because he had kind of known what was coming. But what Brooke had done was… incredible. There was no other word.

He took it all in during the few seconds it took for everyone to rush towards them. The banner jumped at him and he couldn't help but chuckle at the sight of it. _CongratuLeyton_. It was _so_ Brooke. But what was really amazing, past the huge banner and the fact she had managed to gather all their friends on such short notice, was the clear attention to detail and care she had put into this. There were hundred of small white lights everywhere, and the tables filled with drinks and all the kinds of foods known to mankind were covered in white petals. She had even lined up a dozen of white balloons filled with water on the edge of the roof. Together, they spelled "Lucas + Peyton".

He shifted his gaze from the water balloons and looked at Brooke, but all he saw was her face before he was engulfed in a hug by Nathan. She looked satisfied and proud, but he couldn't help but think that she didn't look as happy as he had expected.

Peyton took the few steps separating her from Brooke and the first thing she did was to take her in her arms. "Thank you so much," she whispered.

Brooke hugged her back. Maybe this wasn't easy, but it was worth it.

"You're the best," Peyton cried out as she pulled back.

"Hey now, don't go ruining all that pretty make-up you put on, P. Sawyer."

Brooke reached out and wiped away the mascara from her best friend's cheek. "Are you happy?" she asked her.

"Are you kidding? Brooke, this is… I don't even have words. I can't believe you did all this."

"Anything for the ones you love, right?"

Peyton smiled back. She was so lucky to have Brooke as her friend, and not just because of tonight. She was so true, fierce and dedicated to her friends.

She tried to erase the still-dripping make-up from her face, and Brooke froze.

"Hang on… where is your ring?"

"That's what we wanted to tell you, but we didn't get a chance…"

"Don't tell me Lucas bought you a smelly old version of some NOFYI disk as a wedding ring because I will kick his butt –"

"It's NOFX, Brooke," Peyton said, laughing.

"Whatever. I'm serious, Peyton. What happened?"

Peyton opened her mouth, about to tell Brooke everything, when Lucas cut her off. "I'll explain," he said.

By now everybody seemed to be as clueless as Brooke. They were all staring in their direction – Brooke, Peyton and Lucas – and suddenly she felt the need to step back. And as she did, she realized that her instinct had been right, because Lucas had just kneeled down in front of Peyton.

"We didn't get married in Vegas," he began. "The timing didn't feel right and we decided to wait." He took a deep breath. He wanted to take a chance on Peyton and him, and he wanted to do it the right way. What they couldn't have before, they would have it now. "But I do want to marry you, Peyton. I want us to be together forever – I still do."

Brooke heard everybody awing and looked around for some kind of support to lean on. It had been hard enough seeing him reenacting the proposal four years ago – now she had to witness it _live_.

"Peyton Sawyer," he said as he pulled out a box from his jacket and opened it to reveal a ring, "Will you marry me?"

The room was silent for a few seconds before Peyton softly whispered, "Yes". Lucas slid the ring on her finger and then they were kissing and everybody was clapping.

Brooke briefly closed her eyes. She was going to need more than one shot this time.

--

_Please don't kill me! I promise everything will be alright in the end.__ I just thought that Lucas proposing was the most logical thing for him to do next. He did ask Peyton to marry him at the airport, and then they agreed to get married later, only not in Vegas. But like I said… Brucas _is _endgame 3_

--

_T__he song I used for the title of this chapter is sung by Fall Out Boy._

--

**jeytonbrucasnaley**: thank you so much! I love writing Jamie, especially with Brooke… They're so much fun together.

**othfan326:** thanks for your review, and please don't apologize for the short review, taking the time to leave one is so great anyway :-)

**hoeoverbros:** as weird as it may sound, I'm glad they didn't get married either haha. As I said before, no matter what, I won't have them get married, just because I can't stand the idea. Thanks for your review!!

**Writer Writes Words**: Perfect is definitely a strong word, so thanks… A LOT. I know the chapters are pretty short but I'll try to update every two days to make it up to you guys. And some of them _will_ be longer. And don't worry… Peyton will swing the white flag, eventually. How could she _not_?

**evergloweyes**: Omg yes, I would love to have Rachel back in S6. Although I don't think I'll have her back in this fic because I want to focus on Brooke/peyton and make their friendship better… But I do miss her a lot!! I'm glad you loved the chapter including the Naley scene – I really want to do justice to their relationship. Thanks for the long review… I loved it!!

**sariannaluvsjake2**: There will definitely be some Jeyton, but not before quite a while, unfortunately. Peyton's got a long way to go... But she'll get there, eventually :-) Thanks for the review!

**yaba**: Brooke is such a fantastic person. She's so selfless, I find it pretty amazing. I'm glad you picked up on the Leyton hints… they're doomed in my mind (and heart). Thanks for the lovely review!

**Team Davis-Scott**: (love your nickname !!) Thanks a lot! I'm happy to know you're hooked – I can't seem to let go of this story either ;-D

**Orange GooGoo**: I promise there's more Jamie/Brooke scenes coming, I cannot get enough of them. Thanks for reading & reviewing!!

**Brooke D.**: S2 Peyton is what I'm trying to get at, so she should be back soon. I miss her!! And yes, Nathan is on Team Brooke… along with a few others (I'm converting everyone haha). Thanks for the review!!

**BloomingMissy**: I'm happy to know I'm making you change your habits a bit… it's an honor. Thanks for reading and reviewing, I'm glad you're enjoying the story because it's a blast writing it!

**Mosie1213**: things are going to get worse for Brooke before they get better, but I promise she'll be happy soon. Because I love me some happy Brooke. And thanks for your review!!

**BLNHJPisTLA**: Wow, tears… thank you. It wasn't easy writing the Leyton scene but I am so glad to hear you "liked" it that much. I promise it's all leading up to something. And I'm happy to share the Brucas hope – I believe in them so much it's not even funny. I have faith 3 Thank you so much for your lovely review.


	4. Near To You

**Author's note: **Without further due… the next chapter, with the first (of many) Brucas scene. Answers to your lovely reviews can be found at the end of chapter!

Laurie

**Chapter 4: Near To You**

_He and I had something beautiful, but so dysfunctional, it couldn't last _

_I loved him so but I let him go, 'cause I knew he'd never love me back _

_Such pain as this shouldn't have to be experienced _

_I'm still reeling from the loss, still a little bit delirious _

_Near to you, I am healing but it's taking so long _

_'cause though he's gone and you are wonderful _

_it's hard to move on _

_yet, I'm better near to you._

Brooke was busy refilling her drink when she felt him touch her arm. She turned around and Lucas greeted her with a smile. "Hey Brooke."

She smiled as soon as she saw him, and she realized that it was the first time ever since the beginning of the night that she really meant it. "Hey yourself. So how does it feel?"

"How does what feel?"

"Getting to live the happy ending. You know, Peyton Sawyer, tortured artist, and Lucas Scott, brooding writer and tortured athlete," she trailed.

Lucas couldn't help but watch her as she spoke, looking for that sadness he had seen lingering on her features a few minutes earlier, after Peyton and him had arrived. But it was all gone now; all that was left was the clear happiness she felt for him and her best friend.

"Pretty good," he said. "Listen… I just wanted to thank you for doing all this." He motioned around him.

She stared at his smile, remembering what Nathan had told her earlier during the night. Her heart hurt when she thought of the heartache it would put him through. She wished she could save him from it before it even reached him.

"Nah, it was nothing. Don't mention it."

"Brooke, come on. This is incredible. _You_ are incredible."

"Thanks," she said, her features softening. "I just wanted to see you and Peyton happy."

"Thank _you_, Brooke," he told her, and he couldn't help but reach out and touch her bare arm. She looked up, unsure how to react, and as sadness briefly passed over her face, she mentally slapped herself for it.

"You okay?" he asked.

And what killed her was how easily he could read her.

"I'm fine."

"Brooke, I know you better than this." He paused. "How has today been without Angie?"

She shrugged. He couldn't help but notice that she looked smaller all of a sudden – small and fragile – and he felt that urge to protect her taking over him again.

"I don't know. And honestly, I'm not sure I want to know. I just kept myself busy with your party, and Jamie helped me shopping for all the stuff so it made it a little easier. I'm afraid to go home, though. I'm not sure I can be there without her."

"Well you know I'm here for you, anytime. I mean it. Call me, if you need anything, 'kay?"

"You can count on it," she answered, before realizing how similar their conversation was from the one of the very first ones they had ever had, the night Peyton had been drugged at Duke.

"You know, I had a party planned for Angie. I was actually going to have it up here, too."

"I know," Brooke said softly. "Millicent told me."

"I wish I'd had the chance to surprise you with it."

"You've done so much already, Luke," she said, placing her hand on her heart.

He smiled softly. "It wouldn't have been as pretty, though."

"I'm sure it would have been. Remember when you pimped my locker? I was speechless for the whole class after I'd seen it."

"It was exactly my intention," he said, laughing.

"Well it worked. After that day, I suddenly had my book for each class because I loved my locker so much. I actually put all my books in it just so I had an excuse to open it ten times a day."

"Ten times? Damn, I was good."

Brooke laughed. "Yes you were!" she said.

He kept his eyes locked with hers as their laughter died and something passed between the two of them.

"I'm happy for you, Luke," she told him, trying to shift their conversation in a direction that would make her feel more comfortable.

"Are you?"

Before he'd known it the words had escaped his lips and out in the open. Where had _that_ come from?

Brooke was speechless for a few seconds. She was trying to figure out what to answer when Jamie came running towards them. "Uncle Lucas, will you throw water balloons with me? Momma said I could!!"

Lucas looked down at his nephew and the spell was broken. Brooke rearranged her dress and tried to put a smile back on her face.

"Alright buddy. Let's go." He followed Jamie, walking away from Brooke. By the time he looked back at her, she was already making her way towards Peyton. He shrugged it off. Even if a part of him had meant his words, tonight's party and the very rooftop he was standing in were a living proof that Brooke had stopped loving him a long time ago.

--

"Are you sure you don't need any more help?" Millicent asked for the tenth time.

"I'm fine, Millicent. Really. Will you go home already and give Mouth a long massage? Trust me, there's no quicker way to get to a guy's heart. Or elsewhere," she trailed.

But Millicent kept on staring at her. Apparently, she needed better jokes.

Nathan, Haley and Jamie had left first, followed by Peyton and Lucas, and then Skills and the guys. Millicent had stayed around and helped out. It was really nice of her, but right now Brooke needed some time alone.

"I'm going to be fine, Milly. And if not, I have a whole armada of friends who made me swear to call them if anything was wrong. You can go home! I promise."

"Alright," her assistant finally agreed. "I'll see you tomorrow morning then."

"Have a good night!" Brooke told her assistant as she walked down the stairs. She put the last plastic cups in the trash bags and sat on the edge of the rooftop. Lucas and Jamie had thrown most of them during the night – the only letters left were LUCAS. She sighed. It hadn't been an easy night on her heart. And she knew the next few days would not be much better, with Lucas and Jamie learning Dan was dead.

She'd been planning on taking all the stuff down tonight – the banner, the petals, the lights – but she found she didn't have the heart for it. It would have to wait until later.

Her phone rang and she happily saw it was a message from Peyton. _Hope you're doing okay. Sorry we couldn't talk more, I promise to make it up to you soon. Love you._

She smiled through her fatigue. They'd barely had a chance to talk tonight – just long enough for Brooke to tell her that Angie was gone. Peyton had been concerned, but she knew her well enough to let it go when she'd realized Brooke needed time to process the whole thing.

She looked around the empty rooftop. Where did she go from here? It seemed like the silence had finally settled in. Angie was gone, Peyton and Lucas engaged, Millicent was moving in a month… Where did that leave her?

She scrolled down the contact list of her phone. She lingered over Lucas' name before moving on. She knew she couldn't call him tonight.

She stopped at the next name. Maybe she had somewhere she wanted to be after all.

--

Tric was packed at this hour of the night. She hadn't been back in a long time – in fact, she couldn't even recall the last time she'd come here. With Angie staying with her during the past few weeks, the last thing she'd had time for was going out. But to be honest, she had also wanted to avoid Owen. He had told her she just _"wanted what she wanted"_.The truth was, tonight she didn't really know what she wanted. Maybe she just didn't want to be alone.

She sat at the bar, waiting for him to notice her. When he did, he slowly made his way towards her, taking orders on the way.

"Can I have a Brooke Davis, please?" she asked, looking straight into his eyes.

He nodded. He came back with her drink and settled the shot glass in front of her. "On the house," he told her when he saw her reaching for her purse. "You look like hell. Rough day?"

"Try rough life."

Owen smiled. "How is the adoption thing going?" he tentatively asked.

"And _now_ he cares!"

"Brooke, come on. I'm being nice here."

She stared at him. It was too easy for him to think he could just ask about _the adoption thing_ and think it was all going to be forgiven. But then again, she was the one who had shown up here.

"It was… more than what I'd expected," she said before drinking down her shot.

He gave her the "I told you so" look. She didn't really expect him to understand. But to be fair, she'd never really tried to make him understand. She'd never really let him in. She wasn't sure she wanted to.

"It didn't work out?"

"You could say that."

Owen left for a few minutes to pour more drinks to other customers sitting at the bar. Finally, he made his way towards her again.

"So, Brooke Davis. What are you doing here?"

"Truth?"

He nodded.

"I don't really know."

"I think you do," he answered. He poured her another shot. She drank it eagerly.

"Maybe I want you to see what's underneath all the clothes. But maybe I'm not sure it's the right decision."

"Because I didn't want to date someone with a kid?"

"Because I don't want to get hurt again."

He stared at her. "I can't promise you it won't happen."

"I know. That's the scary part," she admitted.

_--_

_The song I used for the title of the chapter is sung by A Fine Frenzy._

--

**miralinda**: I should have put up a huge Leyton warning, sorry! But their demise will come soon, don't worry! Thanks for reading and reviewing!

**evergloweyes**: the chapter dealing with Dan's death will be the next (ch. 5)… and there will definitely be a Brucas scene. I'm glad you love the Brathan scenes – I found myself loving their friendship more than I thought I would, so there's definitely more Brathan coming. Nathan is _so_ on Team Brooke! Thanks for the lovely review!!

**othfan326:** Nathan knows Brooke pretty well in my opinion and I really wanted to use that bond in this fic. As for the Brucas coming in… it started in this chapter and will only grow from there on :-) Thanks for reading and reviewing!!

**Yaba:** I think you're so right – Brooke is loved by so many fans that it makes it impossible not to ship Brucas. Not to mention how selfish Peyton often acts, which doesn't help things at all. I'm glad you think killing Dan was about time… I thought his death brought more to the characters than keeping him alive would. And yes, Lucas and Peyton are definitely going too fast with the wedding thing, but it's all going to catch up to them soon, when they realize the inevitable – that they don't belong together. Thank you so much for reading but also leaving such long and insightful reviews!

**Whiters:** Thanks a lot, I hope you liked this chapter too! And don't worry, Leyton won't last that long ;-)

**Mosie1213:** Brucas is most definitely endgame, no worries. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

**BLNHJPisTLA: **I really hope Nathan is the voice of reason for Lucas, too. I feel like we haven't seen him interacting with a lot of characters during S5 and I really hope that changes for S6. And yes, Dan's death will definitely bring Brooke and Lucas closer ;-) I love your long reviews, thank you so much for taking the time to read and review this fic!

**Writer Writes Words**: I'm glad you liked the whole CongratuLeyton, I thought it was funny and a very Brooke thing to write! I know things have been hard on Brooke, but it's going to get better soon… and then – well, I won't say anything 'cause I don't want to spoil the rest haha. Thank you for the awesome review, I am so glad you are loving this fic!

**Coffee.With.Cinnamon:** I agree with you – Jamie is definitely the best thing that has happened to show in a long time. Jackson Brundage plays him so well, it's impossible not to love him. What I'm trying to do with this fic is have Lucas grow up and realize that there is only ONE girl for him, and it's Brooke. And I want to realize WHY, and once he has, he won't have any doubt about their relationship or regrets/doubts about his other relationships. Because like you, the whole trifecta things drives me nuts. As for Brooke, I'm going to let her be happy with Owen for a while :-) thanks for the review, I totally don't mind you venting lol!

**FrenchOthFan**: Yes, I think Jamie understands Brooke more than other people, just because he sees things for what they are, nothing else. I love them together! Thank you so much for reading – I'm glad you left a review!! PS: are you French? Cause I am too ;-)

**BloomingMissy**: I'm happy to hear I made you day even slighty better! And I'm glad to hear that you like that I'm taking the time to really tell this story and let the relationships and characters grow, because I think this fic is going to end up being longer than I ever thought it would. Thanks for reading and reviewing, it makes me so happy!

**Team Davis-Scott**: You'll definitively get plenty of updates when you come back! I hope you have fun wherever you are… thanks for reading and reviewing!

**hoeoverbros**: Yes, Dan's dead… but I think it only brings good things for all the characters, hopefully you all will, too. And don't worry, things will get better for Brooke soon. Thank you for reading and reviewing!

**Orange GooGoo**: _All good things come to those who wait_ is all I have to say. Thanks for the review!!


	5. Nowhere Warm

**Author's note:** It just hit me that you guys left over sixty reviews for this story and I've only posted 4 chapters… I can't tell you how rewarding and amazing that is.

I have to apologize in advance because this time I won't be able to answer your lovely reviews. If I did, then I wouldn't have time to post this chapter at all for a few days. I have a plane tomorrow morning taking me from France to New York City where I'm going to live for 4 months, right now it's 1:30am and I barely finished packing… needless to say, things are pretty crazy. But know that I've read each of your review a couple times, and I promise to answer the next ones.

Alright, enjoy the chapter!

Laurie

**Chapter 5****: Nowhere Warm**

_I go nowhere high_

_Go nowhere warm_

_Until you're by my side_

_Your hand in mine_

_And I've always known_

_You're like a feather_

_You go where wind and fire melt together_

_But I'm sure you're on your way home_

_Yes I'm sure you're on the road_

It was a Tuesday morning when Dan Scott was put to the ground.

When Nathan had first told Lucas that Dan was dead, two days ago, he hadn't reacted. It was only after staring straight ahead for a few minutes, unable to move, that he'd finally spoken.

"Good for him."

But there were no words that could describe the way he felt about Dan Scott.

It all went back to his childhood, when he had first realized that everyone but him had a father. Eventually, he'd been old enough to understand that he did have a dad, only he didn't care enough about him to be in his life. And it had hurt so much back then.

He had watched Nathan, wondering what it was like to be him. Was Dan the reason Nathan had ended up being captain of the basketball team, the most popular guy at school, and had Peyton Sawyer as his girlfriend? Lucas had asked himself this question for a long time.

And then Lucas had joined the team too, and that's when he had finally realized, all doubt erased from his heart, that he had been the lucky one all along. He could see what Dan had done to his own son and wife, and with that knowledge, he had finally appreciated what he had. And he wouldn't have traded it for anything.

It had been like making peace with himself. He wasn't so bitter anymore. He had his mom, Keith, Brooke. Everything made sense.

Until the unthinkable had happened.

There were still days when he would wake up and ask himself if it wasn't all one big joke. How could it be true?

How could his dad kill his uncle?

How could a man murder his own brother in _cold blood_?

Lucas carried this pain around with him every day. Losing Keith had probably been the hardest thing he had been through. He'd felt lost like never before after losing him, and it had taken Lucas a long time to heal. Seeing his mom so broken hadn't made things easier.

But somehow, it had gotten easier with time.

And yet, ever since the day he had learned that Dan had killed Keith, there had been a shadow following him, haunting him, and no matter how much he tried to ignore it, it was always there. It was his greatest fear, and he had never told anyone about it. He knew Nathan understood because he could see it in his eyes too.

The fear of being anything like Dan.

And as they lowered his coffin ten feet under, in the freshly dug grave, he was scared it would never leave him.

Peyton reached for his hand as the first shovel of dirt was thrown on the coffin. He involuntarily flinched and saw her reel back, hurt. But he didn't have the strength to care. Not now.

One by one, everybody started leaving. Not that there were many people here. In fact, each person standing here was doing so for Nathan, Lucas, or Jamie, and no one else. Lucas wondered if maybe Deb _was_ grieving, but as he stared at her while she was walking away from the grave, he only saw relief in her eyes.

Soon enough, everybody was gone but Nathan, Haley, Peyton and him. He met his brother's eyes across the grave. He knew this was harder on Nathan than it was on him, but Nathan was not about to let it show. Lucas admired him for that.

He saw him kiss Haley's forehead, gently sending her and Jamie on their way. She slowly made their way towards the car, but not without Haley meeting Lucas' gaze first. They said nothing, and yet Lucas silently thanked her for being there and for understanding.

Peyton was still standing by his side. He couldn't find it in him to look at her, and he hoped she would understand that he needed to be alone. Eventually, she put a hand on his shoulder and started leaving too. He made no sign to acknowledge her absence.

He remained standing there for the longest time. He wasn't grieving – he was hurting. He wasn't sad – he was relieved.

But most of all, he was scared.

--

Brooke quickly hung up the phone with Owen when she saw Peyton walking back towards her. He'd checked in on her because he knew it wasn't an easy day for her, and she had been touched. But right now, her friends needed her more.

"Hey P. Sawyer," she said. "How are you?"

Peyton shrugged. "I'm alright. I don't know about Lucas, though."

"He'll be alright. In his own time."

She nodded. "I know. It's just hard. And I know I do that too – shut people out. I just thought he'd open up to me."

Brooke felt old memories rush back to her. She had wanted Lucas to open up to her so badly after Keith's death. It had taken a long time before he had come to her, and she could still remember how much it had hurt to wait for him to do so.

"What do you say we get out of here and get some breakfast? I bet you haven't been to Waffle House in forever!"

Peyton shook her head. "I'm not hungry."

"I know," she said. "Me neither. But we could use the distraction. You know, watching the food being cooked so grossly and then actually eating it and admitting it _is_ good!"

"It does sound good right now."

"Told you it would. Come on," Brooke said, motioning to her car. "Let's go."

--

"Thank you for today," Brooke said as Owen walked her up to her door. "It really helped take my mind off of… everything."

"I figured."

After breakfast with Peyton, Brooke had gone back to the store, but she hadn't had the heart to work. She kept thinking of Lucas, and Jamie, and Nathan, and then back to Lucas again. So when Owen had come in at the beginning of the afternoon and kidnapped her for a shopping expedition at the Myrtle Beach outlets, she'd happily followed him.

She leaned closer to him. "So, bartender boy… when are you going to kiss me?"

"Ha. It's a good thing you brought it up."

"Really?"

He nodded. "I don't kiss before the third date anymore."

Brooke shook her head, protesting. "But we've dated before."

"It doesn't count."

"Yes it does!"

"No."

"Fine," she said. "If you won't kiss me," she said, moving closer to him, "then I will." And with those words, she pressed her lips against his.

He was laughing by the time she pulled back. "You are something, Brooke Davis."

"I know," she said playfully. "Call me tomorrow," she told him as she disappeared behind her door.

--

The house was empty, and Brooke dropped all her shopping bags in the living room. She wondered if Peyton was somewhere with Lucas. She wondered if he was opening up to her best friend the way _she_ had wanted him to during senior year.

She sat on the couch. When was life going to get easier for all of them? Not long ago, Lucas had told her that she saved people, and maybe he was right. But how could she stand there and _not_ try to make this world a better place to live in?

She jumped when her phone rang. It was already past midnight and she wasn't expecting anyone to be calling. She answered without looking at the caller's ID.

"Hello," she said.

"Hey."

She could have recognized his voice anywhere. "Lucas. Are you okay?"

He said nothing for a few seconds. "Listen, I know it's late, but I have to ask this…"

"Sure. Anything you want."

"Could you meet me at the riverfront?"

"Now?"

"Yes."

She almost asked about Peyton but decided against it. "I'll be there in 15 minutes."

--

Haley's arm reached out across the bed as she woke up and found Nathan gone.

She got up and slowly walked out of her bedroom. She stopped in front of Jamie's room on her way downstairs and cracked the door open, catching a glimpse of her son sleeping peacefully. He was still wearing his red cape, and Chester was snuggled next to him.

He hadn't wanted to let it go of either, and Haley hadn't had the heart to say no to him. He'd said he wanted to have Chester next to him in case Grandpa Dan visited him in his sleep and he wanted to say goodbye to him, too.

Reassured that Jamie was okay, Haley walked down the stairs. Nathan was nowhere in sight in the house, so she opened the glass windows and walked outside, on the terrace. He was sitting by the pool, his feet dangling in the water.

"Hey," she said as she sat next him.

"Hey. Sorry I left. I couldn't sleep."

"It's okay."

"Is it, Hales? We buried him, and yet it's like he's still here, following me around everywhere. What if he doesn't leave me? What if I become him one day?

"You won't," she said firmly, her hands running on his face.

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because, I know. I've seen your heart. And I know you won't."

--

Brooke found Lucas sitting in the old fountain, by the trees.

"Hey Broody."

He turned to see her face. He'd heard her footsteps a while ago. Her heels had hit the pavement at the same rhythm his heart was beating in his chest: in a hurry to get somewhere, hoping everything wasn't lost.

She didn't ask him how was he was doing; she knew better. Instead, she sat next to him in silence. He was looking across the water, his eyes fixed on the empty river court across the river. She could only guess what was running through his mind.

After a while she heard his breathing get louder and ragged, and when she turned to him, she found his cheeks wet. She said nothing, but she couldn't help the hand that reached out and wiped his tears away.

"You're nothing like him, you know that?"

He closed his eyes at the sound of her voice. She'd guessed without him saying anything. She understood it wasn't about grieving Dan, or missing him. She _knew_.

He shrugged. "But how do you know I won't be, eventually?"

There it was – his biggest fear. And he'd trusted it to her.

"Look at me," she said. He answered her request, but didn't expect to see the tears welled up in her own eyes. "Do you want to know how I'm sure?" He nodded. She went on. "I _know_, because I know your heart, Luke. I know because even when your heart is confused, you never mean to hurt anyone. In fact, it's the last thing you would ever want. And I know you could never, _ever_, end up like him. You care too much. You love the people in your life. And it makes _all the difference_."

Lucas slowly took in her words. They wrapped themselves around his heart, pulling him out of the darkness.

He said nothing, but reached out for her hand. Their fingers intertwined and he tightened his hold. He hoped she understood exactly how grateful he was that she was here, with him, after all they had gone through.

--

_The song I used for the title of this chapter is sung by Kate Havnevik._

_--_


	6. Looking For Love

**Author's note: **First off, I want to apologize for how long it took me to update this fic. I haven't forgotten it – far from it – but I'm still looking for an apartment, and I've lost all the time I could have spent writing/updating this fic. I wrote this chapter a while ago, so please be kind because I haven't even had time to re-read it and make it better – things are just too crazy, but I really want to give you guys an update.

Once more, I won't have time to answer your wonderful reviews, but as soon as I settle down and have time on my hands, I promise I'll answer each one of you. 'Cause you are all made of awesome.

Oh, and one last thing: a lot of you have been mentioning spoilers in your reviews… but I'm completely spoiler-less, so pleaaaase, don't let anything slip ;-D

Thank you all, you rock my world.

Laurie

**Chapter 6: Looking For Love**

_I think I should apologize 'cause I have made a big mistake_

_I think I misunderstood and there's too much now at stake_

_'Cause I'm looking for love_

_I'm looking for love_

_I'm looking for love and love_

_Love_

_Love _

_I thought it was you_

Peyton couldn't help but let out a sigh as she hung up her phone. She had hoped to spend the night with Brooke, but her best friend was with Owen, as she'd been for the past few weeks. It had been two weeks today since the funeral, and Peyton had barely seen Brooke ever since. Whenever she wasn't with Owen, she was at the store, or babysitting Jamie, or running an errand. She would almost think she was avoiding her, if the thought wasn't ridiculous. Why would she?

Peyton was on her way to her studio to listen to Haley's new album once more. It would be just her and the music, and she needed the getaway. She shouldn't feel this way, with Lucas back in her life, her new record label, Haley's new album almost ready, Mia on tour having the time of her life… and yet something was missing, and she couldn't figure out what.

She needed Brooke to figure it out.

It was already past midnight when she got home and found Brooke eating ice cream in the kitchen.

"Hi Roomie," Brooke greeted her. "Wanna have some midnight ice cream with me?"

"Only if it's chocolate chip cookie dough."

Brooke said nothing but opened the fridge and slid said ice cream pint on the counter. Peyton sat next to Brooke and plunged her spoon in the ice cream, but she didn't have the heart to eat it.

"Are you avoiding me, Brooke? Because we haven't seen really each other in weeks and I miss you, and right now I really, _really _need you." She was on the verge of tears.

"Hey, hey, I'm right here P. Sawyer. And I know I've been busy with the store, and with Owen, but I'm here. You know that."

Peyton nodded. She looked sad – unhappy, almost – and Brooke didn't understand why. Truth be told, she _had_ kind of avoided Peyton lately. But the ring on her finger blinded Brooke, and she couldn't tell Peyton that. She couldn't do that to her – she _wouldn't_.

"What's going on?" she asked her. "Talk to me."

"It's just that… you know how long I've been waiting for Lucas to be in my life again. And now he finally is, but I feel like something is missing. I know he's been having a hard time with Dan's death, but it's not even about that. It's not how it used to be before, back in senior year. We get along great, but it's not how I thought it would be. It doesn't feel how I thought it would feel."

"You know Lucas has had a lot on his mind lately, with Dan dying and losing coaching. But he'll come around. You guys will talk it out."

Peyton shook her head. "No. That's the thing – we haven't really talked. We've barely talked about Lindsay."

"So she's the monkey in the room," Brooke stated.

"The elephant, Brooke!" Peyton laughed.

"I know, I know that now. I just wanted to see your pretty smile." Peyton smiled again. "See, there it is again!"

Brooke took a few seconds to think about her next words. She wasn't sure what to tell Peyton. She wasn't sure she could find it in her heart to help her out with her relationship with Lucas.

"Okay. Do you wanna know what I think?" Peyton nodded and Brooke went on. "I think that you need sit down with Lucas and tell him how you feel. Talk about Lindsay. Don't be scared, because you know Lucas loves you. The whole _world _knows he loves you. And even if you doubt that after all that's happened, remember that he proposed to you a month ago. You're the one he wants, 'kay?"

"Okay," she whispered. Her tears were drying up by now. Brooke was right – she'd just needed to hear the words.

"Now, what do you say we eat that ice cream before it all melts, Best Friend?"

She laughed. "I'd love to."

--

Brooke sat on her desk and pushed aside all the Clothes Over Bros designs scattered everywhere. Mouth and Millicent were leaving in two days, and since they were all going to have dinner together tomorrow night, she wanted to write some kind of speech she would give before they moved to Nebraska – wherever the hell that was.

She reached for her stationary in her second drawer, but momentarily froze when her hand came in contact with a stack of letters. She brought them up in front of her and, as she realized what they were, felt her heart constrict in her chest.

Four letters – and they were all addressed to Lucas.

She remembered clearly when she had written each of them. One after letting Lucas go during their senior year; one after seeing Peyton and Lucas in bed in Honey Grove; one before leaving for L.A. after graduating; and the last one when Lucas had kissed her in New York, the night after Peyton had rejected his proposal.

She stared at them, frozen. She couldn't deal with that now.

She pushed them aside, but the name on the colorful envelopes kept on nagging at her.

Looking at those letters, Brooke knew why she'd found it in her heart to give Peyton advice on her relationship with Lucas: she wanted those letters to mean something. And if Lucas didn't end up with Peyton, then they meant nothing. Then, her sacrifice meant nothing. And she couldn't handle that.

She took a deep breath. _Focus_, she told herself. This was about Mouth and Millicent.

Besides, she had Owen now. She was finally moving on, after all these years.

--

Brooke looked up when she heard someone walk in her store and found Lucas standing in the entrance. She smiled.

"Hey Luke!"

"Hey yourself. You know, every time I walk in this store, I'm amazed by how different it is. From my mom's café, I mean."

"Different good or different bad?" Brooke asked, unsure.

"Different good," he answered. "I don't know if I've ever told you this, but whenever my mom calls, she always asks how you are doing and how the store is doing."

Brooke's heart leapt a little in her chest. "Well, tell her I'm doing marvelous, and that she is missed. She's always been so good to me. More than my own mother ever was." She couldn't help the wave of sadness that always overwhelmed her when she thought of Victoria.

"Well it's her loss," he told her.

She smiled again. "Thanks, Luke. How has today been?"

"Okay, I guess. I just have to keep moving and I think I'll be alright." He didn't say more; he knew she understood. "How was_ your_ day?"

Lucas had been stopping by the store almost every day since the night she had met him at the riverfront. He was concerned with how she was doing in the light of Angie's departure. He could tell it hadn't been easy on her, in spite of the brave face she put on for everyone. And ever since Dan had died, she'd tried to put his pain above hers, ignoring her own. He refused to let it happen.

"Well, I'm excited about tonight because I haven't been to the Oceanic in a long time –_ and_ I have a _fabulous_ speech ready for Millicent and Mouth."

Lucas just stared at her, seemingly unattained by her answer, and only then did she allow herself to go on. "And I might also be really sad at the thought of losing someone else I love," she said, all in one breath. "I don't think my heart can take missing another person."

"I'm sure you'll get through it. And if not, I'm here. You don't have to go through it alone."

As he spoke, Brooke remembered what Lucas had once told her. _"I didn't think you were… that tough."_ Was she still that tough? She wasn't sure.

"You're coming tonight, right?"

He nodded. "Of course! You think I'd miss your _fabulous_ speech?" he asked, mirroring her words.

"I would kick your ass if you did! Besides, it really is fabulous."

"I don't think it can be anything else coming from you, Brooke."

Her heart raced in her chest. He was doing it again – staring at her intensely and making her lose her inner balance.

And she always had to find a way to upset that balance back. "Have you talked to Peyton since yesterday?"

She swore she saw him flinch but quickly pushed the thought away. He had no reason to.

"No. I'm on my way to see her now. Why?"

"No reason."

"Brooke."

"Okay, fine. I just think you guys should talk. I know you have had other things on your mind lately… but I also think you owe it her to explain her everything."

"I don't know if there's an explanation for everything, Brooke," he answered.

"Well you can try," she said kindly.

A bunch of customers walked in the store as Lucas was about to answer, and he decided not to. "I'll let you go back to work. I'll see you tonight?"

Brooke nodded and waved goodbye. She would be lying if she said she didn't look forward to Lucas' visits. It was like a constant in her life.

--

Haley was singing when Lucas had entered the studio, and the first thought he had was that it sounded like she was literally pouring her heart out in the song she was recording. Her voice was hauntingly beautiful and the melody fit Haley perfectly.

He touched her shoulder and she jumped out of her skin before turning around. "Lucas!" She smacked him across the chest. "You just scared me to death!"

"Sorry," he said, laughing. "I couldn't resist."

"You're lucky you're my best friend or I would have hit you even harder!"

"Actually I think I'm_ really _lucky because it feels like one of my lungs just collapsed", he said, feigning to be holding his chest.

"Haha. Very funny. What are you doing here anyway?"

"Peyton," he answered. "Is she in her office?"

Haley nodded. Lucas started walking towards Peyton's office but she stopped him before he left the room. "How are you, Lucas?" she asked. "You've been dodging the question for weeks now."

He opened his mouth and she cut him off. "Remember, I'm married to Nathan. He was Dan's son, too. So don't give me that crap you give everyone."

"I'm… moving on," he said honestly. "Trying to put it behind me. How's Jamie?"

"Still sad," she said. "I think the hardest part for him is that he's the only one feeling that way. It's difficult to try and explain him why it is that way."

Lucas stepped in and hugged Haley. "He'll be alright."

She smiled as he pulled back. "You too," she told him.

He started walking towards Peyton's office but stopped before exiting the room. "By the way," he said, "the song is beautiful, Hales. You're gonna do great."

"Thanks," she mouthed.

--

"Hey you," Lucas said as he walked up to Peyton and kissed her. "How are you today?"

"Great." She kissed him again. "Did you hear Haley's song on your way in?"

He nodded. "It's amazing. And it's all thanks to you."

She smiled. She was proud of what she had accomplished with her studio… but it wasn't what she wanted to discuss tonight. "Listen, can we talk?"

"Sure," he said, and together they sat on the edge of her desk, standing side by side. "What's going on?"

"I just… I know it hasn't been easy for you lately, and I understand that. But I feel like we haven't really talked about _us,_ and I can't ignore it any longer. We haven't talked about Lindsay or about that night in L.A.," she said with sadness in her voice. "It's like we've been standing still because we're too afraid to face the past. And we can't move on unless we do."

"I'm sorry," he said sincerely. "I've just had a lot on my mind, and I didn't want it to…"

"Spoil what we have?" she said, guessing his next words. He nodded. "I get that, Lucas, I do. But I also think it's time for us to talk about it."

"Okay," he said softly. "Ask away. Anything you want."

She took a deep breath. "Am I the comet, Luke?"

Of all the questions she could have asked, it wasn't the one he had been expecting to hear first. He shook his head. "Listen, Peyton… the comet isn't anyone, okay? Maybe the book really is about yearning and love – about meeting someone that makes you believe in life and love again. But I didn't write it thinking of one specific person."

He didn't mean to hurt her by saying that, but he wanted to be honest. He felt that he owed it to her, all after that had happened. But as he stared at her, he couldn't ignore the hurt that danced in her eyes.

"Then why did Lindsay refuse to marry you?"

"Because… she saw your car and assumed you were the comet. She'd always been insecure about my past with you, and I guess she panicked and let it take over her."

"And you would have married her if she hadn't stopped the ceremony," she said matter-of-factly. It was the part that hurt the most – knowing that Luke had wanted to spend his life with someone other than her.

He nodded silently and Peyton went on. "But how could you?" she asked him, finally letting out what she'd bottled up for weeks now – months, even. She moved away from him and into the open space of her office. "How could you stand there and promise her your life and your love? Do you remember when you asked _me _to spend forever with you? Didn't it mean _anything_ at all?" she said as she put a hand to her chest, where her heart was now beating at a hundred miles per hour.

"It did, Peyton! It did! But I loved Lindsay, too. She's smart and talented and uncomplicated –"

"Unlike me, right? Because I'm so damn complicated!" she cried out. "But how complicated was the fact that I loved you and wanted to spend the rest of my life with you?"

Things were getting out of control but he couldn't back out of the conversation. He got up from the desk. "You know, you keep forgetting that_ I_ asked _you_ to marry me four years ago, and yet I'm the one that walked out of that hotel room alone. You didn't even want to see the ring, for God's sake!"

Peyton closed her eyes in pain. It wasn't physical, but she felt like her heart was literally bleeding. It was so damn hard to hear him tell her that she'd rejected him four years ago, because she hadn't. "Lucas, you _chose_ to walk out of that room alone. I never wanted you to!"

"Then why didn't you go after me? You never even tried!" he shouted. "For someone who wants to spend their life with another person, it sounds like the thing to do, don't you think?"

"I did! I came to your book signing, Luke!"

"I never saw you there!"

"Because I saw you with Lindsay, and –"

"And what, Peyton? You couldn't even come and say hello, maybe congratulate me on getting my novel published? I wanted you there, you know. It wasn't even about getting back with you – it was about sharing my dream with you. But all you could see was me potentially loving someone else, and you just _left_! So don't you dare tell me it's all my fault!"

They were both screaming by now, and Peyton was on the verge of tears. She closed her eyes again and a single, lonely tear slid down her cheek. She couldn't believe they had come to screaming at each other. He had proposed a month ago today, and yet here they were standing today, questioning their whole relationship.

It broke her heart.

"You know what, I'm gonna go now, Luke," she said. She felt exhausted by now. She didn't want this for them. She felt like if they didn't stop now, nothing good would ever come out of this conversation. And it scared her. "You can find your own way to the restaurant tonight!"

"That's great! You're gonna just walk away, just like that!" he accused her. He couldn't believe she could just leave right in the middle of their fight.

"Yeah," she screamed back at him. "But you should know what it's like! It's what you do best," she trailed, her voice breaking.

She grabbed her purse on the desk and almost ran out of her office, leaving Lucas standing alone behind her.

He leaned on the desk, his two arms supporting him, and ran a hand over his face. He wasn't sure what had just happened or even what it meant, but he knew that from there on, things would never be the same.

--

_The song I used for the title of this chapter is sung by Michelle Featherstone._

--


	7. Hometown Glory

**Author's note:** I don't know if I've told you this before, but my university is actually located in Wilmington, where OTH is shot. So I know the town pretty well since I lived there for a while and will go back there in a few months to finish college and graduate. The cool part is that I can use my knowledge in my fics, and thus the restaurant where this chapter takes place, called The Oceanic, is a real restaurant that actually exists. It's right on the beach, and the view is honestly to die for. If you want to check it out, just type "Oceanic restaurant Wrightsville beach" in your search engine and you can see pictures of it ;-D

Anyway, I've _finally_ settled down in my new apartment and things have calmed down here, which means that I've been writing again, much to my own happiness :-) So hopefully, if the muse keeps on cooperating, I will update a lot more frequently!

Once again, thank you all so much for all your reviews. We've gone past a hundred reviews and I cannot even begin to tell you how amazed I am. You all rock.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy the chapter… I promise the Brucas lovin' is not that far down the road.

Laurie.

**Chapter ****7: Hometown Glory**

_Round my hometown_

_Memories are fresh_

_Round my hometown_

_Ooh the people I've met_

_Are the wonders of my world…_

Their dinner at the Oceanic was coming to an end, and Brooke knew it was time for her to speak. She quickly drank up her glass of wine before softly hitting it with her knife, the deep and beautiful sound of glass echoing across the table and in the restaurant. She loved the idea of toasts and the hope they always seemed to bring, but right now she'd just remembered the truth she'd conveniently ignored: she'd never liked actually _giving _them. She always ended up nervous when everybody looked up at her.

"I know the view outside of the restaurant is much more interesting than my actual toast," she began, trying to break the ice, "so I promise I won't be too long." Everybody laughed and she went on. "We've all grown apart during the past few years, for many different reasons. Life is hard and sometimes it's even harder to keep in touch. But getting together like this truly makes Tree Hill feel like home… So I wanted to start by thanking you all for coming tonight."

"As you know, Mouth and Millicent are leaving us tomorrow. They're off to find better jobs, take a chance on life, and build their relationship. And I won't wish them the best of luck, because they don't need luck. They have their talent, they have each other, and I know they will be just fine. So I wish them love, and hope, because it truly is all they need. Love is what it's all about."

She stopped for a few seconds. Her eyes met Lucas' for a few seconds and she instantly knew he remembered where those words came from.

"And I won't wish them friendship, because we all know they're going to be miserable without us," she said, winking at Mouth and Millicent. Each of her friends burst into laugh.

"That's right, B. Davis!" Skills said, causing more laughter to go around the table.

"Anyway… Before I finish, I just wanted to share this quote with you, because it seemed so fitting, as our two friends are about to leave us, and as we all try to make sense of this life. _Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom. Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon. They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints in our hearts, and we are never, ever the same. _We're going to miss you guys," Brooke said, looking at Mouth and Millicent. "Don't forget us, 'kay?"

Millicent immediately got up and Brooke met her halfway before they hugged. "Thank you so much, Brooke."

"You're going to do so great, you know that?"

Millicent nodded. "You're going to do great, too. You're such an amazing person, and an amazing friend."

"Stop before you make me cry!" she said. She took a deep breath, but then Mouth came up to her and she knew she probably wouldn't be able to hold back anyway. Everybody was up by now, saying goodbye. She hated goodbyes.

"I'm gonna miss you, Brooke," he said.

She hugged him and held him tightly. "So will I, Anchor Boy. Don't change, 'kay?"

He shook his head. "I won't if you don't either."

Brooke laughed and shook his hand. "Deal!"

"And one more thing… I don't think you should give up yet."

"Give up on what?"

"You'll figure it out soon enough."

She stared at Mouth, confused, but before she could ask him exactly what he meant, her phone rang. "Don't move!" she told him. "I'll be right back."

"Hello!" she said in her phone. The restaurant was too loud so she walked by her friends and opened the door leading her outside, on the pier.

"Is this Brooke Davis?" a voice asked her.

"Yes, this is she," she answered.

She walked all the way to the rail and leaned on it. She was standing right above the beach. The moon was casting its light on the ocean as the waves crashed on the sand.

And as she was thinking how much she loved that place, the woman on the other end of the line spoke, and Brooke felt her life about to change again.

--

"Hey. Do you mind if I join you?"

Brooke shook her head no and Lucas walked up next to her. He leaned on the rail and took a deep breath. "You trying to hide out here?"

"Kind of."

"What's going on?"

She turned her head to look at him. "The adoption agency called. They said that I've done great with Angie and they're willing to let me adopt permanently."

"Brooke that's great!"

She smiled sadly. "Is it? I don't know anymore. I still think of Angie everyday, and it still hurts that she's gone. I'm not sure I'm ready to give my heart again that way."

Lucas reached out and placed his hand over hers. "You can't let that pain hold you back, Brooke. And this time, it would be for real. Isn't that what you wanted?"

She stared at him for a few seconds. Nothing seemed as clear as it had been before. "I guess so. Maybe I just need time to process the news. Plus things have been very good with Owen, and I don't want to scare him away, you know."

"He wouldn't want to be in your kid's life?" He found it hard to imagine. He'd been so happy to be in Angie's life, even if it had been for a short time only. It had been worth every single moment.

"It's not that simple, Luke. I think he would, now that I took the time to explain to him what it means to me. But maybe that's the thing – I'm not sure_ I_ want him in my child's life."

Lucas nodded. "Is that why he's already gone?"

"Nah. I haven't told him about the call yet. He had to go to work. Some people wanna get drunk out there."

He laughed. "I'm glad I'm not part of that crowd anymore."

"So where's Peyton anyway?"

She'd lost track of her best friend in between saying goodbye to Mouth and Millicent, the phone call, and spending time with Owen before he'd left for Tric.

"She left a while ago." There was a trace of sadness in his voice – bitterness even – that Brooke couldn't miss even if she had wanted to.

"What's going with you two? You barely talked the whole night and when I tried to ask Peyton about it she said she didn't wanna talk about it."

"I don't blame her. We, huh, had a fight."

"How bad?"

"We screamed. A lot. And then she left right in the middle of it. I tried to call her on it but she said she was just doing _what I do best_."

"She's not wrong." Lucas looked hurt by her words. "Come on, Luke, you know it's true. You always walk away from people when it gets too hard."

He let her words sink in. He didn't know what to say. Deep down, he knew she was right.

"What I don't get is why you would let_ Peyton_ walk away. I thought you wanted this more than anything else."

She observed his features as he struggled to find an answer to her question. She wasn't sure she was ready for his answer, whatever it was.

"Why does everything have to be so complicated?" he asked, almost to himself.

She stared out at the ocean. "When you figure it out, let me know."

They remained side by side in silence for a few minutes, taking in the view, letting their thoughts swirl around in their heads. Lucas thought that if everything could be as easy as being here with her, then he would be okay.

He saw her run her hands up and down her arms, trying to warm herself up, and he took off his jacket without thinking about it. She tried to protest but he didn't let her. He remembered doing the same thing the day Keith had almost married Julia. She'd look so beautiful back then.

He looked at her. She still did.

"Do you have a ride home?" he asked her.

She shook her head. "I was going to take a cab."

"I can drive you," he offered.

She studied his face. Finally, she agreed. She didn't want to be alone tonight. "Okay."

And right now, whether she would admit it to herself or not, Lucas was the one person she wanted to be with.

--

Lucas walked down Tree Hill High's empty hallways. He hadn't been back here since the night he had been suspended, six weeks ago. Looking back on that game, he wished he'd had enough sense to keep his feelings bottled up inside. He had almost ruined everything.

He entered the gym, his mind full of memories from the last time he'd been here. "Hey little brother!"

Nate threw the ball at him and Lucas caught it without flinching. "Nice catch. I thought you would have forgotten all about basketball now."

He laughed. "It's only been six weeks."

"Yeah, like you haven't been counting down the days until you can coach again."

Lucas threw the ball towards the hoop and scored. "True," he admitted. "So how's your game?"

"Pretty good, I think."

"It's great that you're finally playing again."

"Feels good," his brother answered as he scored and caught the ball again. "Things are good with Haley, Jamie's amazing, and Dan is finally gone from our lives. Not a cloud in the horizon." He threw the ball and scored. "How have you been?"

Lucas caught the ball and threw it back at Nate. His brother dribbled around for a while. "Not as good as you. For one thing, I'm the one without basketball now."

"It sucks, man."

"Yeah, it does," Lucas chuckled. But it was his own fault, and he had to live with it.

"How are things with your girl?"

"It hasn't been easy," he told Nathan, truthfully.

"But when you look at everything she sacrificed for you, you gotta realize how much she loves you."

Nathan passed him the ball and Lucas held it in his hands for a while. "We're talking about Peyton, right?" he asked him.

"Of course we are," his brother answered matter-of-factly. "Who else?"

Lucas threw the ball.

He missed the shot.

--

_The song I used in the title of the chapter is sung by Adele (for those who don't know, although it's a very dear song to us Brucas shipper__s…)_


	8. Still Alright

**Author's note**: So I realized a few days ago that I whenever I received an e-mail telling me I had a review for a chapter, I could actually answer the review through that e-mail – which is what I did. Please let me know if any of you did not receive an answer because I wrote to each one of you. If it worked then I'll be doing that for the remaining chapters :-)

Anyhow, next chapter is here… and so is Lucas and Peyton's final hour.

Thanks for still being here, I hope you enjoy the chapter!

Laurie

**Chapter 8: Still Alright**

_When everything you have goes away_

_You realize that nothing means a thing_

_Everything you thought was a big deal_

_Now you see it all and what is real_

_When all you have just falls apart_

_And nothing seems to work out right_

_And you're trying_

_You're still alright_

"I miss grandpa Dan."

Brooke looked up at Jamie. He was playing basketball on the terrace while she was lying on a chair, reading a magazine. "I know, buddy."

"But nobody does but me. Not even dad."

"I'm sure that's not true," Brooke told him. She got up and walked up to him. "Even if your dad doesn't want to admit it, there's a part of him that misses Dan. It's just hard for him to say it."

"Do you miss your dad?" he asker her.

Brooke opened her mouth and then closed it. This was a question she had never thought she would hear. "Yeah," she said softly. "I miss him."

"So we can miss them together," Jamie suggested. He looked sad and it killed Brooke to see him like this. "Daddy doesn't want to do it with me."

Brooke took Jamie's small hands in hers and held them tight. "I'm sorry, buddy. It's complicated."

"It's too complicated," Jamie stated, walking away from Brooke and throwing his basket ball into the hoop.

Brooke chuckled. "You have no idea," she said. "So what do you say we go downtown and get some ice cream?"

"Can we go to Kilwin's?" A smile lit up Jamie's face.

"Of course we can!"

"Can we ask Uncle Lucas to come with us?"

"I'll tell you what. Go get changed inside, and I'll call him and see if he can join us, okay?"

He jumped up and down before running inside. The first few days after Dan's death, he had been unusually quiet, and Brooke's heart felt lighter now that she saw him smile again.

She grabbed her phone and called Lucas. "Hey! Wanna get some ice cream with me and your nephew?"

--

Lucas, Jamie and Brooke walked out of the ice cream shop and down the street, towards the river front. Jamie had insisted on getting a big waffle cone filled with Superman ice cream to match his red cape, but the cone was almost bigger than he was.

"Uncle Lucas, when will you coach the ravens again?" Jamie asked Lucas while taking huge bites out of his ice cream.

"In a few weeks," he said. He had been suspended for ten games, and he still had four left to go until he could go back to the gym for good. "I hope you're keeping the team in check while I'm away, though."

Jamie happily nodded. "They say I'm going to be just like Dad when I grow up!" His eyes were sparkling, and Lucas saw something in his nephew's eyes that he had felt himself, a long time ago. "Do you miss playing?" Jamie asked.

"A lot," Lucas admitted, running his hand through Jamie's hair.

His eyes met Brooke's and he knew she understood. She had seen how miserable he had been after quitting basketball because of his heart condition.

Jamie took even bigger bites of ice cream and Lucas slowed him down. "Hey there, J. Luke, don't eat it so fast, you'll get dizzy."

He shook his head. "I want to super strong like superman so I don't miss Grandpa Dan anymore."

Lucas turned to look at Brooke. She smiled softly – sadly – and he knew what he had to do. "You know, Jamie, part of me does miss Dan, even though he did some really bad things," he said, half-truthful. He didn't miss Dan – only what he wished his father could have been – but Jamie needed to hear it.

"Brooke says Dad does too, but he doesn't want to say it."

"Well Brooke is very smart." He looked at her and she smiled, only this time it was a full blown smile. He smiled back.

Jamie stared at them. "Why are you marrying Peyton and not Brooke?"

Lucas almost choked. "Where did you get that idea from?" he asked him, at lack of words to actually answer his question.

"I heard momma and daddy saying you loved each other," he said.

Brooke looked at Lucas, searching for his eyes. She tried to guess how he was feeling. Finally, realizing he wasn't going to say anything, she kneeled down in front of Jamie and they stopped walking. "Uncle Lucas and I love each other," she told him. "But only as friends. Just like your mom and Lucas. 'kay?"

Jamie nodded and Brooke stood up. They started walking again, but something had shifted in the air. And she wasn't sure she wanted to know what it was exactly.

--

Lucas sat on the bench, staring at Peyton's drawing on the river court. The lyrics talked about feeling home again, feeling whole, free and clean. And yet standing there, these emotions felt foreign to him.

He had been thinking a lot about his fight with Peyton. He had turned things around in his mind a thousand times, trying to figure out where it had gone wrong, until finally he had realized that it wasn't about their fight. It wasn't about their fight at all.

He wanted to feel like this was something he and Peyton would get past, but he couldn't. He wanted to feel the way he had felt about her the night they had won the championship, but he couldn't. He wanted to feel like still he wanted to be with her forever, but even when he looked back at their night in Vegas and his proposal at Brooke's party, he couldn't. He just couldn't figure out why.

If he took an honest look at their relationship since Peyton had met him in the airport, a month ago, he couldn't ignore the signs that screamed that something wasn't quite right. If anything, the way he had felt in the light of Dan's death spoke volumes. It wasn't her that he had needed by his side.

He was happy and he loved her… but he wasn't in love. It was the sad realization he had come to.

He heard her car pulling up and soon enough she was sitting down next to him.

"Thanks for meeting me," he said.

She said nothing. "I'm sorry about the other day," he started, realizing she wasn't going to speak yet. "I'm sorry we ended up screaming at each other." He paused. "But I meant what I said, Peyton."

She nodded. She had intended to speak first, but when she had seen him standing there, looking at her drawing, she had lost her confidence. She stared out on the court. She wished she could erase her drawing now. Especially the comet.

"Why did you write all that stuff about me in your first book, Lucas?" she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "Didn't you mean any of it?"

He sighed. "I did," he answered, trying to be honest both with Peyton and with himself.

"Did you really? Or was it just because I was there and I loved you, and you desperately wanted to feel like you had someone to hold on to? You life fell apart after Keith died, and you wanted to make sense of it all – and you did it by making sense of us. You said we were destined to be together, Luke. And even if I didn't say yes and refused to get engaged to you, it doesn't explain how easily you gave up and left me. Don't you think I also had a reason not to go after you? If you had given up so easily, then how could you mean _any_ of it?"

She stared at him, her words hanging between them. She was slowly realizing that it was the first time she had been honest with herself about what happened in L.A. And the truth hurt.

It took Lucas a few seconds to process what Peyton had just said. And as her words swirled around in his mind, he felt something he hadn't felt in a very long time.

Clarity.

He opened his mouth, about to speak, but Peyton cut him off. "It's okay," she whispered. "You don't have to say anything."

He tried to move closer to her but she kept him away, her hand protecting her own space. "Don't," she pleaded him.

"Okay. But you have to know that I _do_ love you, Peyton. I never meant for all of this to happen the way it did. I really thought this was meant to be. I wouldn't have asked you to marry me if I hadn't."

"I know. I thought it was, too."

"Maybe it was easier to be together," Lucas finally said, "because it was safe."

Peyton nodded. "It's funny," she told him. "All this time, I thought I was waiting for you to come back to me. But now, I feel like I've been running away."

"From what?"

She shrugged. "I'm not sure. I'm not sure about anything anymore," she confessed.

He stared at her face. She looked sad. "It will be okay," he said softly. "We're going to be okay."

She met his eyes. She wanted to believe him so bad. He put his arms around her shoulders, comforting her, and she let him. She stared down at her own hands and she knew what she had to do. "I'm gonna go now, Luke."

"Are you sure?"

She smiled through her tears and slowly took her ring off. She put it in his hand. "Yes."

--

Brooke threw her head back and laughed at Owen's story. He put his hands up in the air, claiming innocence. "I swear I didn't mean for it to happen," he said.

She shook her head. "Somehow, I don't believe you."

"You should. I was a nice teenager!"

"Says the bartender."

"Touché," Owen said, before finishing his glass of wine. He studied her face. "So when are you going to tell me?"

"Tell you what?"

"Whatever it is you've been holding back for a few days. I have to admit, it's not a very Brooke Davis move," he told her. "You usually don't shy away."

She smiled. "Trust me, I do sometimes."

"Alright. What's going on?"

"The adoption agency called. They said they are willing to let me adopt permanently."

She'd told Owen about Angie a while ago, and he had seemed really sincere when he'd told her he wished he could have met her. And yet she still hadn't told him about this. It was like taking the next step in their relationship and she wasn't sure she was ready yet.

"That's great," he told her. "When is it happening?"

"Not before a while. I need some time before I can think about having a new little person in my life again."

"Well, what I told you before still stands. I care about you, Brooke. I want to stay in your life."

"Thanks," she said. It was kind of nice to know she wouldn't be alone. As much as she had loved having Lucas around, she knew things would be different this time, what with him being engaged to Peyton.

Owen laughed as he was finishing his plate and Brooke looked up. "What?"

"I was just thinking, if it's a girl… the world is going to be in trouble."

"What do you mean?"

"Two Brooke Davis running free in this world? You two would definitely shake things up."

"I sure hope so," she told him, her eyes sparkling again. At the thought of having her own family, she felt a warmth that she had longed for all her life spread in her heart. She wanted to feel like she had earlier during the day, when she had been walking down the streets with Lucas and Jamie – like she belonged somewhere. She wanted to hold on to that feeling and never let it go.

--

_The song I used in the title is sung by Adam Merrin._


	9. Let Go

**Author's note: **I don't really know why, but this chapter holds a special spot in my heart. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

So without further due… here goes the new chapter. Thank you so much for your support/feedback/reviews. I love you all!!

Laurie

**Chapter 9: Let Go**

_(So let go)  
So let go  
Mmm, jump in  
Oh well whatcha waiting for?  
It's alright,  
'Cuz there's beauty  
In the breakdown.  
(So let go)  
Yeah, let go  
Just get in  
Oh it's so amazing here.  
It's alright,  
'Cuz there's beauty  
In the breakdown. _

Peyton was sitting at her desk when Brooke stormed in, carrying two huge take-away bags. "Good morning sunshine!" she said, putting the two bags down on Peyton's desk and settling in like she owned the place.

Peyton smiled – she loved it when Brooke went crazy on her. She had so much energy, it was dazzling. "Good morning. May I ask what is all that?"

"Food!" she exclaimed. "And I know you've forgotten what it's like to feed yourself, P. Sawyer, but I think we need to do something about that. You're getting too skinny and I will _not _tolerate that!"

Peyton laughed. "Alright, alright. I'll eat, Mommy. What'd you get?"

"Chinese. I wasn't sure what I wanted or what you would feel like having, so I went crazy and got a little bit of everything." Brooke opened the bags and the smell of the food filled the room instantly.

"Sounds good!" Peyton grabbed some rice and egg rolls while Brooke had some mushroom chicken.

"So. What's up? You were asleep in front of the TV when I came in last night and gone when I left this morning."

Peyton froze momentarily. She wasn't sure how to say the words. "Lucas and I –"

"Did you have another fight? Will you two make up already?! He's got you sleeping on the couch and watching TV, and God knows how rare that is. You need to get your groove back, P. Sawyer!"

"Actually," she began, tentatively, "I finally feel like I'm going somewhere. I mean, it's like I can go anywhere now."

"Alright, spill. What happened?"

Peyton stared at her best friend. Saying it would make it truer, more official, but she felt like she was ready. She took a deep breath. "We broke up."

Brooke stared back, speechless. "What? You're kidding, right?"

"No. We broke up, for good."

"But why? This is crazy!"

"Maybe. Maybe not. We just realized that it wasn't meant to be. Maybe it never was."

"You do realize we're talking about Lucas, right? The same Lucas you've been pining after for months – not, wait, for years. The same Lucas who rescued you from the library and saved you God only knows how many times?"

Peyton shrugged. "It wasn't easy facing it," she confessed. "But we had this huge fight, and at first I was trying to figure out what went wrong, and how we could end up fighting like this… then I realized it wasn't about the fight at all. And when I finally snapped back to sanity and faced the truth, I realized that I had been in love with what I _thought_ our story was – not with what it really is."

Brooke had been standing there, unable to move. She was trying to process what Peyton was telling her but she felt like everything was going fast – much too fast. "But what about the last few weeks, Peyt? You were happy, right?"

"I was happy to get what I had been waiting for for so long. I was happy to see a dream come true. I was happy because Lucas is a great friend and we understand each other. But it didn't feel… right. It was just hard admitting it," she finished.

"Wow."

Peyton laughed softly. "Yeah. Pretty crazy, right?"

"Try insane," Brooke said, aware that Peyton had no idea what she had just said meant to her.

"But do you want to know the craziest part? I gave Lucas his ring back yesterday, and it's like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I mean, I love him. I do. But it's like I can breathe again because I'm free of this _dramatic_ love story I had created for myself."

"I cannot believe you are saying this."

"Me neither, to be honest." Peyton dipped into her food. "But I got even bigger news. Wanna hear it?"

Brooke chuckled. She wasn't sure she could handle two Leyton bombs in one single morning. "Alright, shoot."

"Haley's album is done!"

Brooke both sighed in relief and jumped as she realized how great this was for Haley. "That's awesome! When do we get to hear the new Naley songs??"

"Pretty soon, actually. I want to have a concert in Tric next week."

"Ooh I'm really excited now! Tutor Mom must be so happy!"

"Actually," Peyton said, lowering her voice like someone whispering a secret, "I haven't told her."

"P. Sawyer, you just made my day! Organizing a secret Naley concert? You are_ definitely _getting your groove back!"

"Told ya!" Peyton told Brooke as she stole a mushroom from her best friend's box and threw it at her. Brooke immediately responded by grabbing one of Peyton's egg roll, and soon enough they were having a food fight right in the middle of Peyton's office.

Five minutes later, half of the food had ended up on the floor and both girls were breathless. "Alright alright, I call a truce!" Peyton screamed from across the room. She was hiding behind the desk.

"Okay," Brooke said carefully, peaking from behind the couch. "On one condition."

"Does it involve more food fighting?"

"Nah."

"Alright then. Shoot."

Brooke got up. "Let me help with Haley's concert?"

"Brooke, you didn't even have to ask."

She smiled as she walked towards Peyton. She felt closer to her now than she had in a long, long time. "Thanks."

Peyton sat on her desk and Brooke did the same. "Anyway," she trailed, "you know the concert wouldn't be half as fabulous without me."

Peyton laughed. She grabbed more food and threw it at Brooke, and just like that, they were fighting again. But as they both ran to opposite corners of the room, Brooke thought that felt was more like they were reconnecting.

--

Haley looked up from her stack of copies and found her best friend standing in front of her. "Hey Luke!"

"Hey back at you."

"What's up?"

"Not much. Just wanted to check in on you."

Haley put her pen down, thinking the next fifteen papers would have to wait until later. "I'm doing great, actually. My album's done," she announced proudly. She still couldn't believe it but she could not have been happier about it.

"Hales that's fantastic!"

"Thanks. I'm really excited about it. Plus Jamie has been doing a lot better, and I think Nate's okay too, so everything is finally good. I just hope it stays that way."

"It will," Lucas reassured her.

"So what are you really doing here?"

He stared at her. "Have I been such a bad friend that the simplest visit makes you think I have some kind of endgame?" He wondered where the time when they used to talk everyday had gone.

"You haven't been a bad friend, Luke. You've just been… absent. Between Lindsay leaving, and Peyton back in your life, it's been hectic. And I understand."

He shook his head. "You shouldn't have to. I should be here, period."

"You are now," she told him kindly. "So what's going on?"

"Don't freak out, okay?"

"Why would I freak out?"

"Because Peyton and I broke up?"

"What? Why? When?"

"Yesterday."

"You're forgetting the other two questions, Luke."

He laughed. He'd missed this. "I just… we had this huge fight the other night. We basically screamed our heads off. And I thought we would get through it, until I realized – until we _both_ realized – that there was nothing left to fix."

"I don't understand. You wrote_ two_ books about her. You proposed to her a month ago, Lucas!"

"I know, I know, okay. I know. And it was only _one_ book, Hales. I've been killing myself trying to tell everyone that. The comet isn't Peyton. It isn't anyone."

Haley nodded. "Fair enough. But what about the first book?"

"I thought I meant everything I said in that book, Hales, I did. I mean, before it was edited anyway. But now it's like everything is clear again, and I can see that I've been making up this love story in my mind because I needed something to believe in. You know, with Keith dying, and my heart condition, and –"

"And Brooke breaking up with you," Haley finished for him.

Lucas said nothing for a while as he let Haley's words sink in. It wasn't what he had intended to say, but now he could feel the weight of her words slowly changing everything.

"Yeah," he whispered, acknowledging her thought. "That too."

--

Lucas was dribbling across the river court when Skills stole the ball away from him and scored in a matter of seconds. "Damn it," Lucas said, out of breath.

"Man, you are so outta shape it's not even funny," Skills told him as they walked towards the bench and sat down.

"I know," Lucas answered, still trying to catch his breath.

"But you know, it's alright. I ain't gonna tell anyone, Coach."

"Haha. That's very kind of you."

"I mean, I don't want my team to think their coach is crazy _and_ has also lost it at basketball."

Lucas laughed. "Thanks, Skills."

"But for real, man? We miss you. After tonight, only three more games left and you back on."

"It feels like it's been forever."

"I'd have gone nuts already if I was you, dog."

A car pulled up on the side of the court as Lucas answered. "It's worth the wait," he said as he saw Brooke get out of her car. She waved at them and started walking in their direction, and Lucas felt his heart start racing in his chest.

Skills stared at him before getting up. "You know what, I take back what I said about you bein' almost crazy."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I'll just say that if B. Davis is back on your radar, then somethin' must have gone right in that brain of yours."

Skills turned around without giving him the chance to answer. He hugged Brooke on his way out, and once she had his back to him, he gave him a high-five. Lucas laughed.

"Hi Brooke!"

"Hi Lucas," she said as she eagerly took a seat next to him.

"What do you have there?" he asked, curious. She was holding a folded magazine in her hand.

"It's a surprise," she told him. "First I want to know how you are doing."

"Peyton told you?" he asked, frowning. She nodded and he felt his heart beat a little faster in his chest. This couldn't be good for his heart condition.

"I'm good," he answered truthfully. "Really good, actually," he said as he looked at her.

"So does this mean you're going back to Lindsay?"

She hadn't intended to ask at first, but the words had kind of slipped. Lucas frowned again. "No. It wasn't meant to be."

She smiled. "You're such a romantic, Lucas Scott."

"Come on, Brooke Davis. You're the same. Don't tell me you're not still waiting to be swept off your feet?"

"True," she admitted. "But I once read that true love comes quietly… without banners or flashing lights, you know. Maybe it's what it's about – feeling everything change with no warning. It doesn't have to be grand or perfect or ideal. There doesn't have to any feet-sweeping involved," she finished, answering his question.

"Is that how it feels with Owen?"

His question was pretty direct – too direct, maybe – but he had to ask. Brooke shrugged. "Owen makes me happy. He's funny and mature and kind. He's here for me. Right now, that's enough."

She stared out at the court and realized Peyton's drawing was gone. She wordlessly pointed her finger at it and Lucas nodded. "Yeah. I think Peyton did that last night. When I came this morning it was all gone."

"So that's where she disappeared to last night."

Lucas nodded. He would be lying if he said he wasn't happy about it. "So correct me if I'm wrong, but it's your turn now."

"What?"

"I told you how I was doing. Now I want to know what you're holding in your hand."

She smiled and handed him a magazine. He opened it to find the latest edition of "B. Davis".

"You think I need fashion advice?"

Brooke laughed. "No, you're fine. Actually, you've been doing really good, up until now. That sweaty old thing," she said as she disgustingly pointed at his old basketball shirt like only she could, "is definitely a misstep. But I forgive you."

"Thank you, you're too kind."

"Yeah, I know. But anyway. Open it, page 86."

Lucas flipped the pages until he found what Brooke had referred too. The page was entitled "BOOK REVIEWS – What to read to feel all warm and fuzzy again".

He turned to her and smiled. "You remembered," he said softly.

"Course I did. Sorry it took me so long, but Victoria wouldn't let me have the section before. But she's gone now… and I can give your second book it first outstanding review when it is published!" she told him, winking.

"You haven't even read it!"

"Come on, Lucas. I don't even have to read it to know it's good. Not that I won't."

"Thanks, Brooke. This is amazing."

"You're welcome, Broody."

Lucas reached out and touched her hand. "So, Cheery, what do you say I invite you out for lunch to thank you?"

--

_The song I used in the title of this chapter is sung by Frou Frou._


	10. Feel This

**Author's note: **It wasn't intended that way but this chapter is the longest so far – I guess it is pivotal in a way, and so the muse would not stop pouring words into my head, and I wouldn't stop typing. And with this chapter comes the return of a dearly beloved character (or not, lol), which I hope you all enjoy because I love writing him.

Alright, 'nough said. Thank you for your support and encouragement and love and reviews. You own my heart.

Laurie

**Chapter 10****: Feel This**

_Feel this  
Can you feel this?  
My heart beating out of my chest  
Feel this  
Can you feel this?  
Salvation under my breath _

"What's taking them so long?"

Brooke walked from the door to the window and then back again.

"Relax, Brooke. Lucas said they'd be here soon."

She sat down next to Nathan. "I know. I just want this to be perfect for Haley, and it won't be unless she gets here in the next ten minutes."

He put a hand on her shoulder. "Yes it will. This is so amazing to begin with."

"You think?"

Nathan nodded. "Haley's going to be thrilled."

"You don't think she's going to get mad and freak out?"

He laughed. "Yeah, that too. But seriously? Thank you so much for doing this."

"It was Peyton's idea," she told him. "I just helped making it even more amazing."

"So it means that when Haley needs someone to kill for coming up with this surprise concert, you can walk out of the room safe and sound?"

Brooke smiled. "Yes, pretty much."

She got up again and looked out for Lucas' red mustang in the street. "So how have you been, without Dan around?" she asked him.

"Amazingly free. I can finally start living without his shadow following me around. Or at least, I'm doing my best to leave it behind."

Brooke nodded. She'd watched Lucas do the same for a few weeks now.

"So," Nathan began, "how have you been, without Victoria around?"

"Amazingly free," she told him. "But it's still hard to let go sometimes," she confessed as she stared at the people queuing outside of Tric.

"I know what you mean."

Finally, Brooke glimpsed a flash of red pass by in the street. "Oh my god they're here! Alright, go get Peyton – she's making sure everything is alright on stage."

Nathan did as she asked, and soon enough Peyton, Nathan and her were waiting for Lucas to come in with Haley. He had gone to pick her up at her house for a "fun night out" with all her friends and she had no idea what was awaiting her.

"Luke, please take your hands off of me!"

They all looked at each other as Lucas stepped into Peyton's office. He had his hands on Haley's face, trying to prevent her from seeing anything in the club – especially the stage that had been set up for her. Brooke laughed as Haley repeatedly slapped Lucas' arms.

"What happened to the blindfold I gave you?" Brooke asked him, repressing more laughter.

He shrugged apologetically as he finally let go of his best friend. "I couldn't find it in the car."

"What the hell is going on here?" Haley asked as she looked around at her friends. She found them all staring back at her with a smile on their face.

"Hi Tutor Mom!" Brooke said.

Haley stared at Nathan. "You were in on this too? What happened to the basketball game in Charlotte with Fergie and Junk?"

He shrugged. She looked back and forth between Lucas, Brooke, Peyton and Nathan. "Will someone please tell me what's going on?"

"Alright. Your album is done, we've sent your first single to the radios… but I thought we should do more," Peyton said.

"More?"

"Like a concert."

Haley backed up immediately only to find herself cornered between Lucas and Nathan. "No, no, no. I am_ so_ not ready for this!"

"Yes you are!" Peyton told her. "I know it's been a long time, but you are so good at this. And there's no way any of us are letting you walk out here anyway."

Brooke nodded. "You're singing tonight, Haley James Scott."

She shook her head. "I can't, I'm not prepared! And look at what I'm wearing! I can't go on stage like this!"

"Don't worry", Brooke said. She grabbed a hanger covered by a black plastic blouse and handed it to Haley. "I've got this covered. You're all ready to go, rock star."

Finally, Haley cracked up a smile, surrendering. She was scared as hell, but at the thought of singing on stage again, she felt an excitement she had forgotten she could feel. She turned to Lucas and hit him hard in the chest again. "I cannot believe you almost kidnapped me!"

"Ouch! Why I am the only one getting hit?"

They all laughed at him. "Alright. Haley, you're up in half an hour," Peyton announced. "Change your clothes, relax, and I'll be back when it's time for you to go on stage, okay?"

She nodded and Peyton walked out of her office.

"Haley, have Nate come and get me if you need anything, I know that hair of yours gets crazy sometimes," Brooke told her. Haley started to protest but she cut her off. "I'll see you on stage, Rock Star!" And with those words, she grabbed Lucas and left Peyton's office, leaving her standing alone with Nathan.

"I'm so happy you're doing this, Hales," he told her as he brought her closer for a kiss.

She smiled as she leaned into him. "This is crazy," she whispered. "But also really incredible."

"I'm so proud of you," he whispered.

"I'm terrified," she admitted. "What if I freeze and I can't sing?"

"You won't. And you know why?"

Haley shook her head. "Because this is what you're meant to do. And I know that five years ago, your music tore us apart… but it won't, not this time. And I'll be right by your side through all of it."

Nathan kissed her and she wrapped her arms around him. He had just blown away all her worries.

"Alright," she said, feeling calm again. "Let's see what Brooke wants me to wear."

--

Brooke let go of Lucas' arm as they left Peyton's office and he found himself instantly missing her touch. "This is so exiting!" she said, almost jumping up and down. He smiled at her; happiness suited her features so well.

They walked towards the bar together, making their way in the crowd of people that were already in the club. "I don't think I've ever seen Tric so packed," he told her as they sat down.

She smiled mysteriously. "That's because I extended the invitation to my acquaintances from New York. Let's just say that Haley is going to be in the spotlight tonight," she said, winking.

"It's a good thing she doesn't know," Lucas said laughing. Brooke laughed too, and he couldn't tear his eyes away from her. She looked so beautiful he wondered how every guy in Tric hadn't already tried to approach her.

He was about to give in and just tell her how great she looked when Owen approached from behind the bar. "Hey babe," he said. They didn't kiss but Brooke immediately gave him her undivided attention, and Lucas involuntarily clenched his jaw. "Hi Lucas," Owen told him.

"Hey."

Brooke and Owen started talking but Lucas tuned their voices out. All he could see was her beautiful, smiling face, her eyes sparkling in the dark and her hair gracefully falling on her shoulders.

He wasn't sure when it had happened exactly. Was it when she had first shown up at his house with Angie in her arms, when she had comforted him after Dan's funeral, or a few days ago, when she'd come to him at the river court? He couldn't pinpoint the exact moment when everything had changed, but somewhere along the line, he had started falling for Brooke Davis again.

And he was falling hard.

Where his feelings for Lindsay had been clouded by his past with Peyton, and his feelings for Peyton driven by his need to make sense of his life, there was a clarity to the way he felt about Brooke that left him breathless. It was like an evidence anchored deep in his heart and he wondered how he could have ignored it for so long.

He had slowly but surely realized it, when his heart kept on racing in chest whenever she came near him and he found himself missing her whenever she wasn't around. Suddenly, the unexpected visits to her store and the afternoons spent together with Jamie weren't enough. He wanted more – so much more.

His train of thought was interrupted by Peyton who had just walked up on stage and grabbed hold of the micro. The whole room immediately turned to look at her, standing in the middle of the musicians and their instruments.

"Hey guys!" she shouted. "Thank you all for coming out here! Our special guest tonight is giving her first performance in six years, especially for you guys… so please give it up for Haley James Scott!"

The crowd immediately cheered and clapped, welcoming Haley on stage. She was wearing tight black jeans with a bright, golden blouse that matched her heels. Her hair was pulled up and Lucas marveled at how happy she looked as she sat down on a stool, in the center of the stage.

Lucas saw her eyes locking with his brother's as she prepared to sing, and then Haley's voice finally filled up the room.

--

"She's amazing," Lucas told Nathan as he stood next to his brother.

Nathan nodded. He was so proud of Haley and how astounding she was up there, on stage. It made him fall for her all over again.

"It's so great that the girls did this for her."

Lucas let his eyes wander on Brooke as she was dancing with Peyton. "Yeah, they're pretty amazing too."

"I'm sorry about Peyton," Nathan said. "Haley told me what happened."

Lucas shrugged. He had thought he would feel sad about it, or bitter, but he just felt like he had finally figured out what he wanted. And it wasn't Peyton.

"Listen, man… Brooke has been through a lot. Whatever you do, be careful, okay?"

Lucas looked at his brother, astonished. Was he was _that_ obvious?

Nathan laughed. "Yeah man, it shows that much. I'm surprised you didn't figure it out long before now. And given the way you've been following her every move tonight, I'm surprised she hasn't noticed it yet."

Lucas chuckled. "I've been trying not to let it show… but she's so beautiful tonight I'm having a hard time," he confessed. "I don't want her to think this is only happening now because Peyton and I are finally broken up."

"It's not?"

He shook his head. It was so much more than that. "I feel like it's been there all along – I've just been too blind to see it, or too stupid to let myself feel it. I don't really know."

"Well I'll tell you one thing: it's about damn time."

Lucas stared at his brother. How come everybody had realized how right this was this before he even had?

"I don't know what I've been doing, or thinking, all this time," Lucas admitted to his brother. "Now that I see her, all I can think about is how much time I've wasted."

Nathan said nothing. Lucas thought back to all the times his brother had tried to hint that Brooke was the one and he'd been too stupid to notice it. "Did you think she was the one for me all along?" he asked him, curious.

Nathan put a hand on Lucas' shoulder. "Listen, Lucas, I've seen the way you've always looked at Brooke. You never looked at Peyton that way – or Lindsay, for that matter. It's not hard to put two and two together."

"Why didn't I, then?"

"Because it's scary," Nate answered. "It's tempting to take the easy way out and in your case be with someone else, who's safer."

"But you didn't. You were always honest with yourself about the way you felt about Haley.

"And I'm damn happy I did. She and Jamie are everything I have."

Lucas watched as Brooke left the dance floor and walked towards the bar. He was only now realizing that all those things that Nathan had with Haley, he wanted them with Brooke. He remembered once telling Rachel that Brooke was the one for him, and he felt like he had just discovered that he had never stopped believing it.

He had never stopped loving her.

--

Brooke took a seat at the bar with Peyton by her side. "Tutor Girl is so amazing!" she told Peyton. "You did so great with her album."

"Thanks, but it was all Haley," Peyton answered. "I just helped making it come true."

Brooke grabbed the two shots Owen had just poured them after she'd asked him with a smile and handed one to her best friend. "To us," she toasted. "To being young and fabulous!"

Their glasses met somewhere in the middle and they both drank the shot. Brooke's face was still contorted because of how strong the drink was when her jaw dropped. "Oh my god!" she said, and Peyton looked at her strangely. "What?"

"Chris Keller."

"What do you mean _Chris Keller_?"

"I mean Chris Keller is_ here_!" Brooke said urgently. She was going to just grab Peyton and get lost in the crowd to avoid him entirely, but Chris had already seen them and was making his way towards the two of them.

"Well well well," he said as he reached them. "If it isn't Lucas Scott's girlfriends getting drunk at the bar!"

Brooke cut him off before he went any further. "What are _you_ doing here?"

"Well I heard Haley James Scott was back on the scene, and Chris Keller owed it to himself to come and see it with his own eyes."

"Well, we certainly wouldn't have missed him if he hadn't come!" Peyton answered with a fake smiled plastered on her face

He laughed. "Come on, admit it! You're glad I came."

"Why would we be?" Brooke asked him.

"Because I tell things like they are when none of you can figure out what the hell you want!"

For once, he wasn't entirely wrong, Brooke thought. But the truth was that seeing him only reminded her of painful memories, both of them involving either being let down by Lucas or letting him down, and she would rather just forget both of them.

Peyton was about to speak again and no doubt insult him or maybe slap him again when all of a sudden Nathan showed up and grabbed Chris by the collar of his shirt. Lucas was standing right beside him and looked equally pissed to Chris here.

"What are you doing here, Chris?"

"Nate! Been a while, hasn't it!"

Nathan did not budge. "Relax, okay? I'm just here to enjoy the music," he said, and Nate finally let him go. He'd had a flash of anger when he had first seen him, but he knew better than to get upset over Chris showing up. Besides, he had stopped feeling threatened by him a long time ago.

"Whatever you say, Chris. Just don't do anything crazy – this is Haley's night." With those words, Nathan walked away, but Lucas stayed behind. He felt the need to make sure nothing bad happened, because the truth was that whenever Chris was anywhere near Brooke, he felt a pang of jealousy he had never quite gotten over.

"Relax, Lucas," Chris told him. "I'm not planning on trying to kiss or sleep – again – with any of these girls – even though I know they're dying for me to!"

Chris laughed as he finished talking, and before he knew it, Lucas' fist landed right in his face. He fell back against the bar under the strength of the punch and stared back at Lucas in shock.

"What the hell was that about!?" Chris said while his hand reached for his own bleeding nose.

Lucas just shook his head and walked away. He wasn't sure what it was about, but he hadn't been able to help himself when he had heard the way Chris had not so subtly referred to sleeping with Brooke back in senior year. He realized that she was no longer his and he had no right getting upset the way he just had, but he had felt an uncanny need to protect her that wouldn't be ignored.

--

Brooke looked around as Haley stepped down from the stage. She looked so genuinely happy that it warmed up Brooke's heart to know her friend had finally gotten everything she wanted. Nathan launched her in his arms as she met up with him in the middle of Tric and Brooke smiled. They had both come such a long way and been through so much, and yet they had still managed to prove that Brooke had been right to believe that true love _did_ exist. Even when life had gotten hard and things had changed, Nathan and Haley's love had remained the same.

Brooke looked away as her former roommate and Nathan started to kiss, and her eyes caught Peyton standing across the room. She was talking to a tall guy with dark hair, and given how animated she looked, Brooke guessed that the subject of their conversation was probably her latest purchase of an old, smelly disk from a long-forgotten rock band only Peyton could know about. She looked happy, Brooke thought, even though she still had a hard time believing it.

Everything had seemed like a blur ever since Peyton had told Brooke that she and Lucas were broken up – finished,_ caputo_. How could it be, after everything that both Lucas and Peyton had made it up to be? Destined, true love, soulmates, and all those beautiful, poetic words._ Lucas'_ words. And yet when Brooke looked at Peyton, when she really watched her, it seemed like she was truly moving on. Her Lucas-stealing face appeared to be long gone.

Lucas. She scanned the crowd, looking for his blonde hair and slender figure. He was sitting at a table alone, looking deep in thought and doing what he did best – brooding. He was holding out his right hand, which he had used to punch Chris earlier. Brooke wondered what had gotten into him. She couldn't blame him for wanting to punch the guy, but if she was honest with herself, she had to admit she wasn't sure she wanted to know why Lucas had reacted that way. She was pretty sure she couldn't handle the answer anyway.

She sighed. The lines in her heart had been getting really blurred lately. She'd been getting more and more attached to Owen, and yet ever since Peyton had told her that she and Lucas were over for good, her heart had been wandering places it shouldn't have. She didn't want to let herself go there because Lucas and her were friends and nothing more, and she knew better than to think otherwise. But they had gotten so close lately, so open with each other, and there were times when she could swear that there was something else in his eyes – something more. And then she forced herself to come back to earth and realize that it wasn't a place her heart could go to. She wouldn't let it happen again.

"Brooke Davis."

At the sound of Chris' voice, Brooke considered plainly ignoring his presence, but she knew he would insist and make things even annoying. "Chris Keller," she answered.

"I always knew you'd turn out to be something great," he started. "And now here you are, the hottest designer in the whole country. And the hottest chick in the room."

"Gee, thanks Chris. I don't know how I would have made it through all these years without your unwavering faith!"

"You're welcome babe," he said, and Brooke laughed. He was something.

"Why are you really here?" she asked him.

He stared at her. "All of you may think I'm just here to mess things up," he said, gesturing to his black eye, "but I came for Haley. I came because I saw how great she could be and I wanted to see how far she'd come."

He sounded honest and Brooke almost felt bad for him. He'd always cared more about Haley than he should have, and a part of Brooke connected to that. She knew the feeling all too well.

"So, tell me something. Peyton and Lucas are not together anymore? I figured they'd be married by now and have kids or something. They seemed pretty tight that night in Honey grove."

Brooke couldn't help but flinch at the painful memory. "No, they broke up not long ago."

"You make it sound like good news."

And now Chris was starting to get on her nerves. "Listen, Chris, don't get all Dr. Phil with me, okay? Peyton is my best friend, and if she decides that her happiness doesn't lie with Lucas, then I'm happy for her too!"

"Wow, back off, tiger. I was just stating the obvious!"

Brooke was about to speak again when she realized that she was way too much on the defense. It didn't help that Lucas had been staring her way for a few minutes now.

Chris looked at her and then at Lucas, and back at her again. "Seems to me like you have a reason to be happy about it."

"You don't know what you're talking about, Chris."

"Really? I seem to remember you telling Chris Keller during the glorious night that you spent with him that Lucas was _the one for you_. And if you ask me, it looks like you haven't changed your mind."

"Well nobody asked you anything," she told him.

"Fine, fine. But just think about it," he said, getting up and grabbing her glass. He drank it up. "Chris Keller is always right."

--

_The song I used for the title of this chapter is sung (in case you didn't know) by Bethany Joy Lenz._

--


	11. Warm Whispers

**Author's note: **I had been planning on posting this chapter much sooner. My muse seems to have kicked into high gear lately, maybe because of the knowledge that the show is coming back on soon and I would like to finish this fic unaffected by whatever will happen in the new season. But of course, my Internet connection at home hasn't been working for a over week, and thus I am inevitably sitting in Barnes and Nobles, drinking a strawberry frappucino and finally getting back in contact with the world (aka e-mails, facebook and fanfictions). And I have to apologize for not answering your lovely, amazing reviews, but I'm kind of a tight budget and this unforeseen cost of having to pay for an Internet connection is not making things easier... and thus I'm trying to keep everything to a minimum.

This chapter was my first time writing Peyton by herself and trying to get into her head and analyze her thoughts, so be gentle. I promise she is on her way to redemption (and to Jeyton, too hee), and Brucas, is literally around the corner ;-D

Thank you for being here,

Laurie

**Chapter 11****: Warm Whispers**

_Your warm whispers  
Letting me drown in a pool of you  
Your warm whispers  
Are keeping the noise from breaking through_

_And I'm weeping warm honey and milk  
That you stay surrounding me  
Surrounding me_

_Yeah, I'm weeping warm honey and milk  
That you stay surrounding me_

Peyton sat on the edge of the pier as she looked out at the horizon, her feet dangling above the water. There was nothing but blue ahead – the deep, deep blue sea and the clear and bright blue sky. Sitting here this morning, she felt a stillness she had thought she'd lost long ago. She reveled in it, because for once in her life no one was responsible for it but herself. She had spent so long depending on others for her own happiness that she'd forgotten the most important thing of all – that she was the one who could make it happen.

A month ago, she'd still been pining for Lucas like her own life depended on it, and she remembered feeling so unhappy back then, so miserable and lonely. Never in a million years would she have guessed that she would find happiness away from him, mere weeks later. But the truth was that she felt better now than she had a long, long time, and it had nothing to do with Lucas. In fact, it had more to do with the fact that they had both finally come to their senses about what their relationship had always been about.

All this time, she'd depended on him to love her, save her and be her lifeline. She had demanded the world of him without even seeing the cold and hard truth: Lucas and her were never right for each other. They were too similar to_ fit_ like true love was supposed to. They were great friends, but their love had only seemed to bring disaster in their lives and around them. She had idealized their relationship from the beginning, and she hadn't had the courage to face the reality until it had become too obvious to ignore.

She was glad that Lucas had called and asked her to marry her. She was glad she had said yes. Because if she hadn't, she would probably still be crying over losing him four years ago. If they hadn't gotten engaged, she would still be thinking that being with him was the ultimate goal of her existence. But it was so much more. She didn't need him in order for her life to be complete and knowing that changed everything.

She grabbed her sunglasses from her purse as the sun started shining even brighter, and she carefully scanned the horizon again. She saw a small white dot slowly approaching in the distance, and her heart swelled in anticipation.

Her dad had left for a year-long job out on the sea back when she still lived in California, and he was finally coming home this morning. He had only told her so yesterday and she hadn't been able to sleep because of how excited she was. She couldn't wait to hold him in her arms and feel like his little girl again. They had barely seen each other ever since she'd left for L.A., five years ago, and as his boat was approaching the coast, she was becoming aware of how much she had actually missed him.

It was like she felt everything a hundred times more intensely ever since her feelings for Lucas had faded away. It seemed like they had been blocking out everything else in her life, and only now did she understand exactly how true that was. She felt freer now, as if she could finally give herself to the people in her life. Her dad was one of them. She knew she had been the absent one for the past few years, and the irony of him actually being the one away at sea wasn't lost on her. But she was found now – she was here. And soon, so would he be.

As the boat got closer and closer, she saw him standing on the deck, smiling and waving at her. She immediately stood up and waved back. God, it was good to see him. She patiently waited for the boat to come to a stop and stared at her father in the distance with tears in her eyes. She'd missed him _so_ much.

At last, the boat threw anchor and her dad walked down the bridge deck and onto solid ground. Her eyes were clouded with tears as she walked towards him, and for a brief moment, before he launched her in his arms, something awoke deep in her heart, and Jake's face flashed in her mind, like a long lost dream she had buried.

--

"So, Tutor Mom. Spill!"

Haley took a bite of her salad and stared at Brooke quizzically. "Spill what?"

"You know! Chris Keller at your concert, you rocking on the stage... The jackass/tutor girl reunion!"

Haley laughed and Brooke winked. She was having fun with this, and she loved the look on Haley's face, halfway between amusement and annoyance.

"Nothing happened!"

"Hales."

"I'm serious, Brooke. He came up to me to congratulate me as civilized human being, and I thanked him. He looked sincere, and in a way, I owe him part of this."

"So no stolen kiss?" Brooke said, and Haley immediately threw a cherry tomato at her. Brooke caught it and ate it. "Thanks! It spares me from stealing one off your plate!"

Haley stared at her seriously and Brooke laughed. She pouted, and Haley couldn't help but crack up a smile again. "But seriously… the night was so amazing that even if Chris had shown up and been a jackass to me, I don't think it would have mattered. It felt so good to be back up there, on stage, singing."

"Peyton and I were hoping you'd say that," Brooke admitted. The look on Haley's face was worth every second they had all spent preparing this night.

"Well you girls are amazing. I still cannot believe how many people showed up, never mind the number of producers and music critics and reviewers."

"I might have something to do with that," Brooke admitted. She looked at Haley carefully and went on. "I kind of… called all my contacts in New York and told them about the concert," she said in one breath. "You're not mad, are you?"

Haley immediately shook her head, smiling. Her dimples were showing. "Are you kidding, Brooke? I can't even begin to thank you for what you did."

"Really?"

"Yes!"

"Okay good," Brooke breathed. "Because they all seriously_ loved_ you."

Haley smiled again and Brooke thought that she had never looked happier. "I'm still having a hard time believing that all this is actually happening. Nathan is playing again, Jamie is incredible, I'm singing again, everybody's home in Tree Hill… it's almost too good to be true."

"Well you deserve every second of it. It was long overdue, tutor girl."

"Thanks, Brooke. For everything."

"Nah," Brooke said as she waved her hand. "It's nothing."

Haley finished up her salad. "I still can't believe Lucas punched Chris, though."

Brooke chuckled. "Yeah, it was pretty unexpected."

Haley observed Brooke as she looked away and out onto the water. Her features had changed the moment Haley had raised Lucas' name and it didn't go unnoticed by her.

"Are you happy with Owen, Brooke?" she asked carefully.

Brooke nodded. "Yeah. I think I am."

"You think, or you are?"

Brooke moved her lips, about to speak, and then shut them tight. She opened them again a few seconds later. "I don't know. I am. I think I am. What difference does it make?"

"All the difference in the world," Haley said softly.

Brooke sighed. "Look, Hales, Browen certainly doesn't compare to the glory of Naley. But Owen makes me laugh. He's there for me. And plus he's really hot," she added with a wink.

Haley laughed in spite of herself. "But are you sure?" she asked her. "Are you sure in your heart? You're going to have a child soon, and Owen is going to be in both of your lives. Is he really the one you want standing next to you?"

This question had been swirling around in Brooke's head for weeks now, but she still didn't have an answer. "Maybe. I don't know. It's not that simple."

Haley took in Brooke's answer. She wasn't sure how to tell her friend what she really thought. Knowing Brooke, she was probably going to point blank ignore what she was going to say… but she had to try anyway. She felt like she owed it to her. "Listen, Brooke… don't you think there's a reason Lucas punched Chris last week?"

"Because Chris is annoying as hell?" she offered as a suggestion. Haley didn't budge, obviously expecting more, but Brooke wasn't about to let their conversation go where Haley was leading it.

"Brooke."

"Haley, Lucas and I are just friends. He knows that, I know that – everybody knows that."

"I think there's more than that," Haley carefully suggested.

"There isn't," Brooke protested. It was hard to be trying to convince both Haley and herself at the same time.

"It's not what it feels like whenever the two of you are in the same room."

Brooke ran a hand over her face and closed her eyes briefly. She'd been trying _so hard_ to convince herself that there was nothing but friendship between she and Lucas, and now Haley was throwing away all her efforts with a few, honest-spoken words. But she didn't think she could deal with knowing Lucas possibly felt that way about her.

"But there's nothing going on, okay? We've been very close because of Angie, and what happened with Dan. But there's nothing else."

Haley put her wine glass down on the table. She had seen how devastated Brooke had been after Lucas had broken up with her the first time during junior year, and then how hard letting him go for Peyton had been on her. She had seen her cry over missing him, and then bury her feelings deep down so he could be happy with Peyton. She knew springing this on Brooke wasn't really fair on her… but above all, Haley had seen how happy Lucas made her. She had seen how deep her feelings for him were and the spark that lit up in her eyes whenever he was near her. She had known Brooke for years and had never seen her as happy as when she was with Lucas. And she owed it to herself to let Brooke find her way to that happiness again.

"Listen, Brooke, if you can honestly tell me you feel _nothing_ but friendship for Lucas, then I promise I will let this go. But I've seen the way you look at each other. I've seen your whole face light up whenever he talks to you. I think he could make you really happy, if you let him."

"And I love you for thinking that, Hales. But Lucas and I had our chance a long time ago. It's long gone by now."

"Do you really believe that? Or do you just refuse to let your heart go there?"

Brooke looked away, not for the time during their lunch. Could she tell Haley the truth? She wasn't even sure her own heart could take it. She knew it was there, but she wasn't sure she would ever be ready to fully embrace it, let alone put it into words.

"I just… I can't handle thinking of him that way, 'kay?" she whispered, her voice breaking a little. "I love Lucas. I do. As a friend. But I_ can't_ let my heart go there. It hurt too much before," she finally confessed.

Haley reached out across the table and put her hand over Brooke's. She wondered if Lucas had any idea of what he had done to this wonderful woman who would have been ready to give up anything for him not so long ago. And she had. The thing was, even after what Brooke had just told her, Haley still believe Lucas was the only one who could fix what he had broken.

--

"Hi Cheery!"

Brooke couldn't help the smile that graced her features when she found Lucas sitting on a bench in front of her store, waiting for her. Her thoughts went back to everything Haley had said over their lunch and her heart skipped a beat.

"Hey Luke," she greeted him as she opened the store. She gestured for him to follow her inside and they entered it together. She sat down on the couch next to him, like they'd done so many times over the past few weeks. He came almost every day and he never failed to make her day seem brighter than it had been before.

"So where have you been?" he asked her, curious.

"Haley and I were having lunch at the river front. I figured we had to go out now before she becomes too famous and can't go anywhere without the paparazzi following her around," she said, playfully.

"It wouldn't surprise me if it actually happened," Lucas told her. "She was incredible last Saturday."

"Yes she was. She really is going to be a rock star," Brooke trailed.

"And an amazing mom and wife. It's so great to see her finally have it all."

She nodded. "She looked so happy at lunch, you should have seen her," she told him. "It makes me so happy for her and Nate, and Jamie too. They've come a long way."

"I think we all have," he said. Brooke smiled softly and Lucas' heart skipped a beat. She had no idea how true this rang in his heart. He had come all this way only to find that she had been the destination all along.

"Peyton has her own record label, Haley is a rock star, Nate is on his way to playing professional basketball again, you are a best-selling author, and I have my own fashion line… It's pretty incredible when you think about it."

"Yeah. But we all have a passion for something in our lives, and we have each other. It's hard not to go far when life gives you that much."

"True."

"Speaking of which…" Lucas reached in the bag he'd been carrying and soon enough he was holding out a book to Brooke. She took it in her hands. The hardcover was a deep, bright red. The side read "The Comet by Lucas Scott." She immediately let out a squee of excitement.

"It's your second book!" she exclaimed, almost jumping off the couch. He smiled at her obvious happiness for him.

God, she had such a beautiful smile.

"Open it," he told her. She did so and flipped through the first few pages. She stopped at the dedication. A few, simple words were printed in the middle of the white page. They said, "To all those lost souls who have forgotten to believe in the immensity of love." And underneath it, Lucas had written his own dedication, to her. She would have recognized his handwriting anywhere – she knew it all too well from the letters he had written her, years ago.

"_I don't know what I would do without you in my life… thank you for making me believe in everything again. _

_Lucas."_

"It's the first copy," he confessed. She met his eyes. "I wanted you to have it."

Brooke briefly closed her eyes. "Thank you," she whispered softly, barely loud enough for him to hear. She shouldn't feel so touched by his words, but everything that Haley had told her over lunch, the way his eyes had been glancing over her, and now his beautiful words had shaken the ground beneath her feet.

She smiled again, and next thing he knew, he moved closer to her and launched her in his arms. She didn't even protest – she just let him hold her like he used to, a long time ago. Her hands found their place in his hair and she buried her head in the crook of his neck as he hugged her even tighter. Why did this have to feel so right?

She couldn't help but let out a sigh as she stopped fighting her emotions and gave into him. Maybe Haley was right. Maybe Lucas was the one who could make her happy. It was what it felt like in this moment and she wasn't sure her heart would ever move on from that truth.

--

_The song I used in the title of this chapter is sung of the amazing Missy Higgins._

--


	12. Hear Me Out

**Author's note:** I still have no internet, so I'm still sitting in Barnes & Nobles, trying to make the most of my precious two hours of connection. The down side? I still didn't have the chance to answer your reviews. The good part? I've been writing a lot. I don't have that many chapters stocked up, but they're looong. Longer than I thought they would ever be. This fic is now almost a 100 pages, and it simply astonishes me that I've written so much. When this started out, I honestly thought it would just be a few pages.

Oh, to answer a question a couple of you asked… yes, Lucas will find the letters. In fact, he might find them… very, very soon. As in next chapter soon ;-)

Thanks again for everything.

Laurie

**Chapter 12****: Hear Me Out**

_So listen up  
This sun hasn't set  
i refuse to believe that it's only me feeling...  
Just hear me out  
I'm not over you yet  
(Love is on the line, can you handle it?)_

"Brooke, you home?"

Peyton called out her best friend's name as she unlocked the front door and entered the house. She was immediately greeted by Brooke's voice coming from upstairs.

"Up here!"

Peyton walked up the stairs and strolled into Brooke's bedroom. She was standing in her closet, trying to pick a pair of shoes to go with her outfit. "Hi best friend!" she told her. "So who's the guy?"

Peyton frowned, confused. "What guy?"

"Well the guy that kept you out all night," she answered as she playfully tapped Peyton's arm, "_and_ that has you smiling and looking better than ever."

Peyton laughed at Brooke's wild imagination. "It's my dad," she told her. "He was coming back from a trip so I went to meet him at the pier when he arrived yesterday morning. We spent the whole day together, and then we stayed up all night, talking and catching up. We hadn't spent any time together for so long that I didn't want to leave him."

"That's great," Brooke told her. "He must have been so happy to get to see you."

"Yeah. I just, I can't believe I let so much time to by without seeing him. I know I was in LA and he was away at sea, but those were easy excuses. I could have tried to see him and I didn't. And now I realize how selfish I've been," she admitted. She sat down on the bed and Brooke sat next to her.

"You weren't selfish. You were just… preoccupied."

Peyton shook her head. "I love you for saying that, Brooke, but we both know it's not true. I was too busy being angry and bitter about everything that I stopped caring about what was the most important."

Brooke looked at Peyton as she finished talking. It was as if there was a flame, a light shining in her best friend that Brooke hadn't seen in a very, very long time. Peyton seemed calmer, more mature – like her heart and mind had finally settled and found its balance.

"Well you care now. You're here now. It's what matters." She smiled and Peyton mirrored her gesture.

"I love you, B. Davis, you know that?"

"You better!" Brooke told her as she brought her closer and they hugged.

"So what are you getting all dressed up for? Or should I say for whom?"

"Owen's picking me up for the day. He won't tell me where we're going so I have no idea what shoes to wear," she said, using a dramatic tone.

Peyton laughed. "The white strappy sandals."

"Ha, I knew it!" Brooke said as she got up from the bed and went to put her shoes on.

"Owen makes you happy," Peyton told her, half stating and half questioning her best friend. Brooke looked happy, relaxed, content, and if Owen was responsible for it, then she liked him all the more.

"Yeah, he does." Brooke finished putting on her shoes and sat back down on the bed. She really meant it – Owen did make her happy. He made her laugh and smile and she found herself caring about him more than she thought she would. But still, her heart was having trouble finding its direction where everything should have been crystal clear. She kept telling herself Owen was a great guy, but her heart only seemed to race at the sight of one person. Lucas.

Her mind flashed back to the moment they had shared yesterday when he had given her the first copy of his book and she almost blushed at the thought. She had let herself go in his arms for a fleeting moment, and now she wished she hadn't. It made everything seem even all the more complicated.

"So speaking of guys, I have a confession to make," Peyton told her.

Brooke's heart immediately constricted in her chest, and she almost sighed at the thought of hearing Peyton tell her once more that she loved Lucas and wanted to be with him again. How many times was she going to go through this again before her heart would finally learn its lesson?

"When my dad got off the boat yesterday morning, I was standing on the pier, and when he was walking towards me, I had this… flash," she trailed. She was probably crazy for even mentioning this, but the thought hadn't left her alone ever since that moment, and she felt like her heart wouldn't rest until she had talked about it. "I saw Jake," Peyton finally admitted in one breath.

Brooke's mouth hung open for a few seconds. For one thing, Peyton hadn't mentioned Jake in years, and Brooke had honestly thought that what they had had was long over. But above all, the rush of joy and relief that Brooke had felt upon_ not_ hearing Lucas' name reminded her that no matter how hard she wanted to believe that she had moved on long ago, her heart was still in the same place.

"You think I'm crazy, right?" Peyton asked.

"No, no, I don't," Brooke told her immediately. "It's just… out of the blue. You haven't mentioned him in years, Peyton."

"I know. But when I was standing on that pier, it was like I was back in junior year, saying goodbye to him and Jenny, and it felt so intense. And I haven't been able to stop thinking about them ever since. But it's not like I can call him now. We haven't talk in so long. He probably moved, or maybe he got married, or engaged… he probably doesn't even remember I ever existed."

"Well, if you had said you couldn't stop thinking about Pete Wentz from Fall Out Boy, I would said, Honey, he's married to Ashlee by now, and they have a baby on the way, so you might wanna move on. But you don't know what Jake's been doing. It might not be too late."

"You think so?"

Brooke nodded and Peyton smiled, uncertain. Brooke and her had stopped talking right after she had gotten back from Savannah, all those years ago, and she had never told Brooke what had happened between her and Jake. Would Jake even want to talk to her after the way she had left? She knew it was unlikely, and yet she wanted to believe he would be happy to see her.

"Try to call him, okay?" Brooke told her. "You've got nothing to lose. Plus Jake was really good for you, best friend." Brooke's phone rang, cutting her off, and she grabbed her tote bag from the bed. "Owen's here, I gotta run… Call me whenever you have a Jeyton update, okay?"

Peyton laughed as Brooke walked out of her bedroom and down the stairs. She didn't know what she had done to deserve such an amazing friend, but she knew she would never take her for granted again.

--

Haley was playing the piano, her voice filling up the living room in the late night, when Nathan finally came home. Her eyes were closed, a smile gracing her face as she sang, and he stopped in the threshold, mesmerized. After all these years, he was still amazed at how beautiful Haley was. He had come so close to losing her and Jamie that it scared him just thinking about it. But he knew this now, and he was never going to let them go.

"Hey you."

He startled at the sound of her voice. "Hey," he whispered back. "How did you know I was here?"

He walked towards her. She'd had her eyes closed the whole time and he hadn't realized she knew he was here. She shrugged, a smile on her face, as her came up behind her and enveloped her in his arms. "I just felt it."

He kissed the top of her head, the scent of her hair wrapping itself around his heart. "How was today?" he asked.

"Pretty good." She turned to him and let their lips meet. "But it just got a lot better."

Nathan smiled. "Definitely."

"How was your day?" she asked back.

"Eventful," he told her.

"How so?"

He pressed his lips to hers again and took a seat next to her. "I was playing the whole afternoon, and I had a visit… from Whitey."

"Really? How is he? We haven't heard from him in forever."

"He's good, I think. Retirement has done him good. He looked relaxed."

"That's great to hear," Haley said. "So what did he want?"

"He said he heard I was playing again and wanted to see how I was doing. And then he said he might have a way for me to actually… _play_."

"You mean in a team?"

Nathan nodded. "He said he knew someone that could help me out. And if I train hard, I might have a shot for the next season."

"Oh Nathan, that's wonderful!" Her hands went up and framed his face before she leaned in and kissed him again. "I'm so happy for you!"

He kissed her again. "But that's not what I wanted to tell you," he said. "It's not the most important part."

"Then what is?" Haley asked tenderly.

"I talked to Peyton earlier. She said your single was amongst the top 5 played song in almost all the radio stations. And that your album is selling really well on iTunes."

"What does it have to do with you?" she asked, confused.

"Everything," he answered. "Hales, we weren't ready last time. I gave up camp High Fliers so you could pursue your music, and I ended up ruining our relationship because I was too bitter to see what was right in front of me. Your talent deserves to be shared with the whole world, Haley. Singing makes you happy, and God knows I want you to be happy. You need to go on tour, and sing your songs, and live your dream again. And I need to live mine and play basketball."

"Nathan, what are you saying?"

"I'm saying that you, Haley James Scott, are going to go on tour this fall. You're going to go around the country and sing every night and be happy. And I'm going to keep on playing, and training, and I'll stay home with Jamie, and we'll come to your concerts as often as possible. And when you come back, I'll be getting ready to join a team. And we'll figure out the rest together when the time comes. I just… I want you to have this, Haley. But this time, I want us_ both_ to have it. We deserve it. _You _deserve it," he finished, locking his eyes with hers.

Haley's eyes full of tears, she found herself unable to speak. She reached out to Nathan and kissed him. "I love you," she said simply. She wasn't sure it expressed how much she loved him in that moment, but she couldn't find the words. And maybe it was the whole point.

"I love you," he whispered back.

"I love you too Mama!"

Nathan and Haley turned around to find Jamie standing in his pajamas, rubbing his eyes.

"Hey buddy," Haley said. "Shouldn't you be asleep by now?"

"Chester and I couldn't sleep," he said. "Can I stay with you here?"

"Alright, but just for a few minutes, okay? Then we're all going to bed," Nathan told him. He held out his arm. "Come here."

Jamie eagerly joined his parent and sat in between them. "You look happy Mama," he said, looking at Haley.

"That's because I am," she told him, running her hand through his hair. "And you want to know why?"

He nodded. "Because I am singing again, and your dad is going to play basketball again soon. But you know what makes us happy more than anything else? You, Jamie."

"And Chester, too?"

Nathan and Haley both laughed. "Yes, Chester too," Nathan answered. "You think he'd be up for going to see your mom in concert in a few months?"

"Yeah!" Jamie exclaimed.

"And then we'll go see your dad play and cheer for him, okay?"

"Will I get to wear the jersey Grandpa gave me?"

"Of course," Nathan told him kindly.

"You think I can ask Aunt Brooke to make one for Chester?"

"I'm sure she would love to," Haley answered, laughing.

"So what do you think, Jamie? You'd be okay with your mom going on tour and us visiting her on the week-end?"

"Yes!" he answered excitedly.

"So, how about I sing a song for you, and then we can all go to bed? It's way past your bed time, mister!"

Jamie jumped up and down, excited. Haley sat him down on her legs, and his small hands followed hers as she hit the first keys on the piano. Her voice filled the room again, and as Nathan watched his wife and son sing along, it occurred to him that in this moment, life could not have been more perfect.

--

Brooke slid her arms around her waist, attempting to shield herself from the chilly breeze that was blowing in the late night. She wasn't sure why she had decided to come here, but now that she was standing in the middle of the court, breathing in the fresh air and taking in the silence, she felt like she had found exactly what she had been looking for.

She stared in front of her, watching the familiar lights of the waterfront buildings dance in the river. She had gone home after Owen had dropped her off earlier, but she couldn't stand the empty house. The enormity of the decision she taken somewhere during their day together had left her restless, and she needed to find that stillness within herself again. And she found it here.

She looked out at the water, lost in her thoughts, when she heard footsteps coming up behind her. She smiled at the familiarity of his presence. Some things never changed.

"Hey you," Lucas said quietly, coming to stand next to her. "What are you doing here so late?"

She shrugged. "Nothing. You?"

He chuckled. "Nothing."

Brooke smiled. "Liar."

"Alright, I'll go first."

"Ha. I knew it."

"Knew what?"

"I can always tell when you're brooding, Luke."

"I know," he said softly, serious again. He kept his eyes locked with hers and Brooke quickly looked away. She couldn't stand the intensity of his gaze, nor was she ready to admit it was even there.

"I couldn't sleep," Lucas began; breaking the newfound silence and trying to get back to the place Brooke and him were at just seconds before. "You know Nate's gonna try to get in a professional team again next year?

Brooke nodded.

"I'm happy for him, I really am. But there's still this part of me that's just… jealous. I can't help but want what he has. I can't help but wish I didn't have my heart condition and I could play like I used to – like Nate does. I love writing, I do. But I miss the game more."

Only then did Brooke notice that he was holding a basket ball in his hands. She reached out and put her hands on the ball, over his. "You can still play. I know it's not the same, but at least you can still play. And you can coach. It's not the real thing, but it's not all out of reach. Not everything is lost."

Lucas looked down at her hands laying over his. "But what if I want more? What if I _need _more?"

He looked up, blue eyes meeting hazel, and suddenly Brooke wasn't sure whether he was still talking about basketball or something else entirely. She took her hands away and turned away from him, her eyes locking on a building across the river. "But it's your heart we're talking about, Luke. I know how much you want this, but you can't risk it."

"I know," he said. "Most of the time I can live with it. But sometimes it just gets really hard, you know?"

Brooke turned to look at him again. "Yeah, I know." She wasn't sure what she talking about, either.

"So what brings you here so late at night?" he asked her softly.

"I… I made a big decision today, and I needed to clear my head before going through with it." She paused. "I'm going to call the agency tomorrow and tell them that I'm ready for a permanent adoption," she said breathless.

"You are?"

"Yeah," she said calmly. "I still miss Angie, but I feel like I'm ready now. I want to have a new little person in my life and make their life better. And Owen has been really good to me, and I feel safer knowing he's going to be here."

At first, Brooke had wanted to do this alone. But then she'd had to fire her own mother, and while she had taken care of Angie, she had realized that she needed someone else in her child's life. Lucas had been there through it all with Angie, but then he gotten engaged and almost married again and she had given up the thought of him being in his child's life. And now, she kept herself from thinking of him that way because she just couldn't let him mean that much – she_ wouldn't_.

Lucas stared at her, unable to speak. He wanted to tell her how thrilled he was because he knew how much this meant to her – to get a chance to change a child's life for the better and let them see how special they were. He admired her for it because beyond her own need to build a family, Brooke's desire to adopt a child was so selfless and reverent… just like she was.

But hearing her talk about having Owen in her child's life, about having him in her life period… it killed him. It reminded him of all the things that he wasn't; of all the things that he wanted to be but had lost a long time ago and had been stupid enough never to fight for.

"Don't do it," he whispered, pleading her, before all courage left him. He suddenly felt like now was the time to fight to her – to fight for all of it – or she would slip away from him right before his eyes.

Brooke froze. "What?"

"I want to be the one you have children with. _I _want to be your family, Brooke." Lucas dropped the basketball on the court, the sound of the ball hitting the ground echoing in the night. He reached out to her. "I want everything with you," he whispered, a smile spreading on his face.

"Luc–"

He cut her off before she could protest. He wanted to tell her how he felt. He wanted her to understand what he himself had taken so long to realize: that they were meant to be, and that he couldn't picture himself living in a world where she wasn't in his life.

"I know this is unexpected, but you have to let me explain." He paused, taking a deep breath, never taking his eyes off hers. "It took me so song to realize it, but I've never been so sure. I lo–"

She put a hand on his mouth, silencing him. She couldn't believe that he would choose tonight, out of all nights, when she was finally,_ finally_ happy and content with her life, to reveal his feelings. And mostly, she couldn't believe they were true, period. She_ wouldn't_. Her mind was alert, desperately trying to block any thoughts his words could trigger. But her heart… her heart…

"Don't!" she told him firmly, feeling her emotions whirling inside of her. She wasn't sure how long she could keep them at bay before they all crashed onto her and left her weak and defenseless. "You don't have to say anything because it's not worth it. Trust me."

"Can you honestly tell me that you don't feel_ this_?" he asked, almost accusing her, gesturing between the two of them. Brooke immediately flinched, taking a step back. It pained her so much to see that even after all this time, Lucas still didn't understand. That he still didn't _know_ her.

"You think that this is what it's about?" she asked him coldly, feeling her heart breaking in her chest over and over again. "You still don't get it, do you?"

Lucas shook his head, clueless, desperate to reach out to her in any way he could. "Then tell me, Brooke. Please." His hand went to rest on her cheek and he turned her head to him again. Her eyes were full of tears. "Let me in," he pleaded her.

She looked at him – truly let herself look at him for the first time of the night – and she was taken aback by the desperate, pure, longing she saw in his eyes. There was no running away from it: she could see just by staring at him that she meant more to him than she remembered was possible.

"Lucas… we can't do this."

"Why not?" he asked her, full of hope, sensing with relief that he was finally getting through to her.

Brooke stared at him, his question echoing in her mind. Why not? One name flashed in her mind, a familiar shadow cast over her feelings, almost like a familiarity. But everything that had happened over the past few weeks seemed to indicate that the silhouette of her best friend hovering over her love for Lucas was no longer haunting her.

Then another name came to her mind, a name running down a church full of friends and family in a perfect, white wedding dress that Brooke had designed herself. But Lindsay was long gone, too. Why not, then?

But the answer came with a mirror on the past that Brooke rarely allowed herself to open up. Images of herself crying herself to sleep in her bed, longing for his presence, aching for his soothing words and yet finding nothing but emptiness at her side. She held back a sob.

"Give me one good reason why this can't work," he asked of her.

She said nothing in return, just kept her eyes locked with his. There were a million reasons why this couldn't work but she couldn't get herself to truly face them, let along articulate them, in the state she was in. And the hardest part was that in this moment, with him staring at her and holding her the way he was, she felt like she was about to drown herself in him and forget all those reasons. For they were all swept away by one simple and yet life-defining truth she had never been able to let go of: Lucas Scott was the guy for her.

And then before she could register what was happening, he leaned closer to her, and she watched him as his lips approached hers, claiming what was his. Brooke found herself unable to move, terrified at the thought of what was about to happen and the cascade of emotions it would trigger, but her heart would not give her the will to move. It _wanted _be claimed his again.

Lucas stroked her cheek and tenderly whispered two long-forgotten words. "Pretty girl," he said before capturing her lips.

Lucas let his hand slip down from her face to her waist and pulled her closer to him. He felt sure now, surer than he had felt before, that Brooke was everything he had ever wanted. She was fierce, strong, brave, brilliant, beautiful, daring – like a ray of life that shone light on his heart. She was all the things that he wasn't and she completed him in a way that almost felt irrational.

With Lucas' lips on hers, all the lines in Brooke's heart were blurred by the certainty of the way he made feel. But it wasn't as simple as that – it hadn't been in a very, very long time. She wasn't that girl anymore. She had her heart broken more times than she cared to remember, and she refused to have it happen once more. She couldn't handle it.

She pulled back, breaking her own heart in the process and yet knowing it was the only way she could salvage it.

"I have to go," she said, her voice breaking.

He stared at her, confused, but she didn't give him time to question her. She pulled away from his embrace and quickly walked away, turning her back from him. She got in her car and fumbled to start the engine. Her hands were trembling too much. Tears blurred her vision as she drove away, and she could hear Lucas call out her name into the night over the pounding of her heart in her chest.

--

_The song I used in the title of this chapter is sung by Imogen Heap.  
_


	13. Realize

**Author's note: **It's almost 2am but my computer miraculously picked up one of my neighbor's wireless connection a few hours ago and I've been so happy to actually have access to the Internet, and so afraid it'll be gone in the morning, that I can't seem to go to bed. And I wanted to give you guys this chapter because your feedback has been amazing. I love writing this story, but you make it so_, so_ worth it.

A lot of you reacted strongly to the last chapter – some blaming Lucas for his ill-timing, others blaming Brooke for running from her feelings. I guess I'm sort of taking a stand on that aspect in this chapter, and I hope you like it, and understand where this is coming from - especially from Brooke's perspective.

But I'll shut up now, I'm not sure I'm making much sense.

Thanks for being here.

Laurie

**Chapter 13****: Realize**

"_True love comes in quietly, without banners or flashing lights. She is your sanity in a world full of madness. True love is not how grand you are or how simple you are, but it's who you are when you're with her, and she loves you not in spite of it, but because of it. She is the one who stands with you, when the rest of the world falls down." -- Thomas Wide Fountain_

--

_Take time to realize,  
That your warmth is  
Crashing down on in.  
Take time to realize,  
That I am on your side  
Didn't I, didn't I tell you?_

_But I can't spell it out for you,  
No it's never gonna be that simple  
No I cant spell it out for you_

_If you just realize what I just realized,  
Then we'd be perfect for each other  
and will never find another  
Just realized what I just realized  
we'd never have to wonder if  
we missed out on each other now._

--

The dawn was barely breaking when Peyton woke up, and despite the early hour she found she couldn't go back to sleep. She climbed off her bed and stared out the window as the sun was rising, watching its warm rays dance in the water. She took a deep breath, letting yesterday's events run through her mind.

She had followed Brooke's advice and she had called Jake. Or at least, she had tried. She'd felt her heart rate accelerate dangerously as he picked up after a few seconds, only to feel it drop her in chest when a woman had answered her call. When she had finally found her voice again, she'd learned that the number wasn't Jake's anymore, and hadn't been in a few years. But the real relief had come from learning that the woman was in no way related to Jake, and that's when Peyton had realized how much she actually cared.

And she cared _a lot_.

At first, she had fought it. She had let go of her feelings for Lucas so recently, and she cherished her newfound independence, finally feeling free to dedicate herself to the people she loved. And that's when an unsettling truth had occurred to her: in spite of how much she'd been thinking of Jake, it had not diminished in any way her other relationships. In fact, thinking back on their time together, she felt lighter, happier, like her heart was more open, more generous; like she was a better version of herself just by letting him into her heart again.

Was she crazy for feeling the way she felt? It was not rational, and yet she missed him more than she could explain. Ever since she'd stood on that pier and the image of him holding little Jenny in his arms, saying goodbye, had flashed in her mind, it was like all her feelings for him had been slowly resurfacing, seeping into every ounce of her being.

Maybe she was crazy, she thought to herself, chuckling, as she left her room and walked up the stairs, hoping that Brooke was already awake and that she could talk some sense into her. She was surprised to find her door wide open, the morning light shining on her untouched bed. Peyton smiled at first, thinking she had finally stopped being so stubbornly independent and spent the night at Owen's, and then noticed the envelope sitting on the bed. She walked into the room and grabbed it. It was addressed to her.

Starting to feel anxious, she quickly opened the letter, and her face fell as she read the words her best friend had written in an obvious hurry.

_P.,_

_I have to clear my mind for a while, away from Tree Hill. Not sure when I'll be back. Don't worry about me, okay? I'll call you soon._

_Brooke._

Peyton sat on Brooke's bed, the weight of Brooke's words sinking in. Whatever had happened, it was big enough to make Brooke leave without even saying goodbye, and knowing her, Peyton could only guess it _was_ something to be worried about. She wouldn't have left like a fugitive in the middle of the night if it hadn't been.

Her first reflex was to grab the phone on her nightstand and call Brooke. Not surprisingly, it went straight to voicemail. Peyton sighed. She dialed Haley's number, hoping she would have more answers than she did.

As the phone rang, she winced, remembering how early it actually was, but found she didn't care, not when she knew her best friend needed her help. She breathed out in relief when Haley picked up the phone only to start panicking again when she told her she had no idea where Brooke had gone either. Haley promised to call her back if she had any news and they quickly hung up.

Peyton called Owen next, but his answering machine immediately picked up. She paced around Brooke's room as she remembered he usually worked late nights. Guessing he had probably only gone to bed mere hours earlier, she left him a message, urging him to call her back as soon as he woke up.

Sighing, she pulled the chair from Brooke's desk and sat down, feeling panicked. Brooke had told her she would call her soon and she could only assume she was safe–physically at least. But Brooke wasn't the type to just run and hide and Peyton knew something big must have happened to make her run that fast, and – she assumed – that far.

She put down the phone on the desk, smiling when she saw all the sketches Brooke had left there. She looked at them, always amazed by how talented her friend was. She deserved her success more than anyone else. Peyton went through her designs one by one, feeling like it brought her to closer to her, somehow. But she couldn't escape the cold, hard truth no matter how much she wanted to.

She knew she had been a bad friend to Brooke for a long time now – longer than she wanted to remember. She knew that if she had truly been there for Brooke all this time, she might have come to her instead of running away. Or at least, she would have left her more than a note on her bed.

Peyton knew that she had taken more than she had given, and she'd probably been too self-absorbed to even notice that something was wrong with Brooke. And it broke Peyton's heart to realize the kind of best friend – the kind of _person _– she had become over the years. When had she lost herself that way? And what was it that had made Brooke stay with her all this time? Whatever Brooke saw in her, Peyton wanted to be that person. She wanted to be worthy of her friendship again, and it started with finding out where she'd gone and helping her work through whatever had gone wrong.

As she took a look at the last sketches lying around on the desk and put them on the top of the pile she had formed, Peyton noticed four envelopes previously lost in the shuffle of sketches and colors. She took them in her hand, one by one, and felt her heart drop in her chest when she realized they were all addressed to the same person.

Lucas.

Peyton found her head was spinning, but not for the reasons that would have made sense given that had still been engaged to him not long ago. No. She felt lightheaded and short of breath because as she stared at the letters, and eventually read them one after the other, knowing deep in her heart they would explain Brooke's sudden departure, she realized what she had done. And finally, at last, she grasped the pain that she had caused to the two people she had claimed to love the most.

--

Lucas awoke to a loud and persistent knocking on his door. At first, he struggled to come to his senses through the loud racket, but soon enough he was up on his feet, feeling very much awake. He had laid on his bed for a long time after coming home last night, trying to figure out where had gone wrong with Brooke until he had finally given in to his exhaustion and fallen asleep late into the night. And as he put a shirt on and ran a nervous hand through his messy hair, he hoped with all his heart that she was standing on the other side of the door, waiting for him.

But as soon as he opened the door, a flash of brown hair shoved him into his bedroom again, and he took a few steps back as Haley attacked him with a flow of question, not even bothering to say hello. "What the hell did you say to her, Lucas? What happened? What did you do?"

"Wow, slow down, what are you talking about, Hales?"

"You know what I'm talking about, Luke. Where is Brooke?"

He looked at her, confused. "Why? Is she gone?"

Haley let out of long breath. She nodded. "Yes. And I want to know what you said that made her run so fast."

Lucas panicked at once upon hearing that Brooke was gone. He ignored Haley's request, choosing to question her instead. "Do you know where she is? When did she leave?"

Haley sighed. "No, I don't know where she is. She must have left during the night. Peyton called me early this morning and told me Brooke had left a note saying she was gone. It didn't say why." She stared at him accusingly. "And I know that you're the only reason she would have left the way she did."

Lucas sat on his bed, hiding his head in his hands. He had made Brooke _run_? He knew it meant that she cared, and a part of him reveled in that… but above all, he knew that she would only go to that extreme if she was _really_ hurt… and that thought left him feeling guilty, confused, and mostly worried. It hurt him to think she was hurting, but it killed him to know he was the reason for it.

Haley sat next to him. She had come down hard on him, but only because she cared for Brooke. She'd seen how fragile she was when it came to Lucas and she was afraid that Lucas, unaware of that, had pulled another one of his infamous declarations. And for Brooke's sake, Haley hoped that Lucas' heart had, at last, settled.

"I'm in love with her, Hales," Lucas told her quietly. He looked at his best friend's face but found no surprise on her features. "You knew, too?" he asked her.

She nodded, finally smiling a little. "Kind of. I hoped that you'd stopped ignoring the obvious, but I didn't want to say anything. You needed to figure it out on your own." She paused. "I'm guessing you told her how you feel last night?"

"I wasn't planning on doing it," he told her honestly. "But all of a sudden I felt like she was slipping away and I couldn't help it. I had to tell her." He turned to Haley. "She's the one for me, Hales. I am sure, like I've never been sure of anything in my life before. I can feel it. She's been the one all along, but I was just too afraid and stupid to admit it to myself. She makes me feel like I can finally stand still, because she's everywhere I want to be."

Haley smiled. She could hear Lucas' heart pouring out in his words and she knew he meant them. She recognized the tone in his voice, the look in his eyes, the tremor of his feelings… She had the same for Nathan.

But still, she knew Lucas… and she worried he had gone in full Lucas-attack mode last night. "Please, just tell me you did not ask her to marry you?"

He surprised her by actually laughing out loud. "No," he answered.

Haley let out a deep breath. "Good. I feel better." She paused. "But what _did_ you say?"

Lucas thought back to his confession last night, and to what had triggered it. And as he told Haley what had happened, he winced, only realizing now the weight of his words. When would he ever learn from his mistakes? "She said was going to go through with the permanent adoption… and I kind of told her not to do it because I wanted to be the one she had children with," he said all in one breath.

Haley stared at him, incredulous. Leave it to Lucas Scott to top the marriage proposal. "Oh Lucas…"

He hid his head in his hands again and sighed. "I just, I couldn't help it. I know it was a lot to process, too much, but it's just how I feel."

Haley put a hand on his shoulder. "I know. But it's not just about you. You have to remember that. Don't you think that after all that Brooke went through for you, you owed her more than an out of blue confession that you wanted to have kids with her?"

Lucas sighed again. "I know. I'm an idiot," he said, shaking his head. And then Haley's words sank in, and he turned his head to her. "Wait, what did you mean by _'all that Brooke went through for you?_'"

Haley started panicking, realizing too late that she had spoken too fast and revealed too much. She couldn't believe Lucas still didn't know, still hadn't figured it out… but she knew she shouldn't be the one to open his eyes. "It's not my place to explain," she told him.

"Explain what?"

She shook her head. "How can you still not know?"

Lucas attempted to speak but Haley cut him off. "I have to go, I have class. Whatever you do, Lucas, please don't try to go after her, okay? She left for a reason. Give her time to breathe and collect her thoughts. She'll come back when she's ready." Haley didn't give him time to answer and left his house as quickly as Brooke had left him standing in the river court last night.

Was it the answer to everything? What was it that he still didn't know and that had made Haley run out of his house, and Brooke, out of his life?

--

Peyton lost track of how long she stood frozen, staring wordlessly at Brooke's letters to Lucas scattered on her bed. Because all the words that mattered were there, in those heart wrenching confessions that her best friend had written over the years and kept hidden, away from everyone. Away from her, away from Lucas.

But who was Peyton kidding? She had known all along, from the moment she had decided to tell Brooke she was still in love with Lucas years ago right down to the split second during which she had decided not to call Lucas to ask him if he knew where Brooke had gone this morning. She had known, and yet she had mercilessly stomped on Brooke's heart and shattered it to a million pieces – repeatedly.

She closed her eyes in pain. She vaguely registered the moisture in her eyes spreading to her cheeks and rolling down her neck, untouched, before falling on her lap.

What had she done?

The hardest part of all, she realized with a disgusted chuckle, horrified that she could still think so selfishly even in this moment, was wondering how she could have been the person who had broken her best friend's heart for the sake of her so-called _own_ happiness. Peyton had claimed Lucas like he was his without any consideration for Brooke's feelings. She flinched, remembering accusing Brooke of not loving Lucas.

What kind of a monster was she?

The answer came with a painful memory flashing in her mind, in her heart, in every part of her being.

She was a backstabbing, two-face bitch. And she knew it now.

--

The drive to Lucas' house was a blur. Peyton had stayed in Brooke's bedroom, unable to move, for a long time. A part of her had hoped it would all turn out to be a nightmare and she would wake up soon, but she had to face the cold, unwelcoming reality. Struggling not to run to the bathroom and empty the content of her stomach, she had taken a deep breath and read the letters a second time, more slowly this time, taking in each of Brooke's words, measuring their weight and their signification. By the time she finished re-reading the last one, she was gripping the edges of the toilet, half sobbing.

And then one simple question had slowly overcome all her thoughts, like a poison sipping into her blood, her veins throbbing, reminding her of what she had done.

How was she going to_ fix_ this?

_Could _she?

The answer had come in a flash of clarity.

She had carefully but quickly gotten up, grabbed the letters, her car keys, and before she knew it, she had found herself in her car, driving down Market street, making the turns and stops without even thinking about it.

She took a deep breath as she stared at the front door of Lucas' house. She didn't know what she was going to say, but she knew she had to do this. It was all that was her power, and she hoped that after tonight, she would no longer have any over her friends' lives. She had destroyed too much.

Finally, she raised her hand and knocked on the door with as much force as she could muster.

--

Lucas was staring blankly at his television screen when someone knocked frantically on his door for the second time of the day. He had been watching the players move around the court, shoot, score and eventually win the basketball game, but his heart hadn't been in it. None of it mattered, because _he_ had lost.

He had driven Brooke away when all he wanted was to be by her side. He had hurt her when all he wanted was to make her happy.

The look on her face as she had pulled away from him last night on the river court haunted him, and he flinched at the memory. He wished he could take his stupid confession back and be close to her again, both physically and emotionally. He had dropped his feelings on her like a ticking bomb, and Brooke had run from the scene of the disaster. Because that's what Lucas was, really – a disaster. He never knew how to do these things right, and Brooke was the one person he needed to do things right by.

And yet he knew that there was something he was missing, something that went beyond his gift for very poorly timed declarations. Something in the way she had let herself go in his kiss only to pull back, suddenly frozen like a stone. Something in the way her voice had broken when she had tried to convince him not to tell her how he felt. Something in the way she had whispered that he still didn't _get_ it.

And then there had been Haley's words, hinting that there was something she wasn't telling him about Brooke – something _everybody _had neglected to tell him.

He sighed as he rose from the couch and went to open his door. A part of him hoped that she would be standing on the other side of the door, but he knew better. She had left mere hours ago and he doubted she would be back so soon. It didn't keep him from hoping.

Lucas almost startled at the sight in front of him. Peyton was standing on the doorstep, hugging her small frame with her arms, her eyes red, a look of deep determination set on her face. Instantly, he panicked, an array of scenarios running through his head, and his heart stopped beating for a moment.

"What happened?" he asked, unsure he wanted to know the answer. "Is it Brooke?"

Peyton let her eyes meet his and slowly nodded. Lucas' face seemed to crumble upon her words and she shivered. How had she ignored his obvious, deep feelings for Brooke when they had been staring at her face for so long?

She saw tears well up in his eyes and an alarm sounded off in her head through the haze she was in. Realizing what she had led him to believe, she quickly reassured him, mentally beating herself up in the process. As if she hadn't already hurt him enough.

"No, it's not – Brooke is fine," she said forcefully before realizing the irony of her words. She couldn't have been more wrong. "I mean, nothing happened."

Lucas let out a deep, long breath in relief. She could see his face regaining his color as he pulled himself together again and questioned her presence on his door step. "Is everything okay, Peyton?"

He sounded like he really cared and she wished he didn't. She didn't deserve any of it. She knew he would stop caring soon enough, anyway. She wouldn't blame him.

"Can I talk to you?" she asked.

He immediately nodded and opened the door wide, letting her in. She took a few steps forward and stopped in the middle of the living room. She didn't want to go too far – she knew she would out of here quickly.

"What's going on, Peyt?"

She flinched at the way he called her and how concerned he sounded. It made her feel all the more guilty. Wordlessly, she handed him the four, colorful envelopes she had been holding. He stared at her confused, grabbing the letters without looking at them.

"What is this?" he asked, clueless.

Peyton took a deep breath. There it was, her chance to make things right and fix things between Lucas and Brooke. She just hoped she wasn't too late. She hoped with all her cold, dark heart.

"I was trying to figure out why she left so suddenly," she began. "I found those. I have my answer now," she trailed, her voice breaking.

Lucas stared at her, confused, and then his eyes looked down at the four letters he was holding carelessly in his hands. He heart skipped a beat immediately, recognizing Brooke's handwriting the way his heart recognized hers.

There were four letters, and there were all addressed to him.

"I'm so sorry, Luke," Peyton told him on the verge of tears. "I know this doesn't change what I did and doesn't make up for it either, but I just hope that maybe this helps fixing things. You deserve it," she said, stopping to take a breath. "You both do."

But Lucas was still confused. What was Peyton apologizing for, and what did it have to do with Brooke's letters. Had she_ read_ them? And how did she know there was something going on with Brooke _now_?

"You read them?" he asked, unable to keep the resentment from his voice.

She nodded. "I know I wasn't supposed to, but I'm glad I did. Now I finally understand what I did," she said, disgust spreading on her features.

"What do you mean?"

Peyton smiled bitterly. "Oh Lucas. I never deserved a fraction of the way you felt about me. I didn't deserve_ any_ of your words." It broke her heart that he still had no idea, and that all this time he had loved her without knowing what she had done. Even now, he still believed the best of her.

Lucas set out to protest again but Peyton cut him off before he could say anything. "You'll understand," she told him quietly. "And when you do, I'll understand if you never want to see me again."

"Why would I?" he managed to ask, but she quickly went on. "Read the letters," she pleaded him. She almost turned and left but changed her mind. She owed it to herself to say one last thing. She wasn't sure it would make much of a difference, but she had to try. "She loves you, Luke. She always has. She deserves you more than I ever did. Wait for her."

And then she was out the door, and Lucas was left standing alone again for the third time in the span of twenty four hours. Only this time, he knew he was going to get answers. He could feel it, just as strongly as he felt his heart beating at the sight of those letters.

His hand shaking, he proceeded to open the first one. Just the sight of her handwriting warmed his heart up. But his smiled quickly fell as his heart constricted in his chest. He read slowly, careful to take in each of her words. And he agonized.

_Luke,_

_Today feels like the hardest day of my life. _

_I woke up yesterday with my heart yearning for you and elated at the thought of your return. I held you in arms during Nathan and Haley's rehearsal dinner, proof of their unwavering love for each other. I felt your heart beat against mine when you embraced me, and suddenly everything was alright in my world._

_And then it all crashed down on me again._

_I am writing yet another letter, but I know I can never give this one to you. I no longer have the right. She took it away, with a few words whispered amidst tears and broken hearts._

_She loves you, Luke. No wait, scratch that. She is_ in _love with you. My Peyton, my best friend, who gave me her blessing when I said I wanted to give us another chance. She looked me right in the eye and said she wouldn't stand in our way again, only to confess her undying love for you last night, mere months later._

_And the second the words rolled off her tongue, something in me broke, because I knew. I hate her for doing this, because she knows what it means just as well as I do. She wasn't just being_honest _with me. That's just _bullshit._ She knows how much I love her. She knows that this friendship means the world to me. She was my family when my own parents wouldn't even take the time to visit me for my birthday. I didn't grow up alone – I grew up with her._

_And she knew, when she confessed to me that she still had feelings for you, what it meant._

_I have to let you go._

_But God, Luke, I am so in love with you. So much that the mere idea of letting you go for just one day breaks me into a million pieces – pieces you will not be there to pick up. It kills me inside, and I know it will haunt me for the rest of my days._

_You're the guy for me, Luke. I wasn't sure before, but ever since that night on the beach, those words have been anchored in my heart, keeping my feet on the ground while my heart has been soaring heights. You're the guy for me, and it's what makes this so difficult. _

_And yet I know how it goes. Peyton loves you, and you… you've had a crush on her ever since you first laid eyes on her, years ago. You may not see her in that light now, but I know that someday you will. Someday you will wonder what could have been – what should have been, according to everybody. According to you, too. You're the tortured athlete and she's the tortured artist. That's the way you thought it should be for a long time._

_And one day you're going to look at me and I'm only going to be standing in the way of the future you had always envisioned with Peyton. One day you're going to break my heart, again. It's inevitable, just like we were. The difference is Peyton and you are… destiny. Right, Luke? Isn't that it? I have to believe that. Because if not, what I'm about to do will have been for nothing._

_I think what hurts the most right now is the knowledge of _how_ I'm going to have to let you go. I've been thinking as I've been lying here. I can't tell you that this is about Peyton. If I do, you will deny it, and say that you don't have feelings for her. You may not right now, but someday you will, and you need to realize this on your own. And so I know what I have to do. I've been rehearsing it in my head, down to the very last word._

I guess because of it I stopped missing you.

I love you Lucas, and I probably always will.

But I can't do this anymore.

_I can't say that everything about this relationship has been easy. You're a mystery of your own, Lucas Scott, and the way you have kept your heart closed to me in the event of Keith's death hurt me more than I could tell you. I wanted you to let me all the way in, but you just couldn't. You never could._

_And maybe that sums it all up. I want everything with you, but there's a part of your heart you never opened up to me. Maybe that part is Peyton's – maybe all of it is Peyton's. Your heart, your mind, your future. Everything._

_I hope you make her happy, Luke. I hope that with all my heart. And I hope that one day I can stand next to the two of you and not hurt like I think it will hurt. The truth is it already does. So much. So _bad.

_But the hardest part is not letting you go or how much it hurts. The hardest part is that I can't help but believe that one day you will come back to me. Part of me hopes you won't believe that I somehow stopped missing you. Part of me hopes you will fight for me until I can no longer stand the lie. Part of me hopes you will not go running straight into her opens arms, but instead prove to the world that_ I _am the one for you._

_I hope you prove me right, but my hope has been crushed by Peyton's words. It's like I can't breathe anymore._

_But it's all for your happiness, and Peyton's._

_I just have to convince myself that someday this will all be okay._

_Your Pretty Girl_

Lucas let himself fall on his couch. He couldn't breathe anymore. He stared at the letters in his hands, at Brooke's words. He felt like someone had a deathly grip on his heart, crushing it until there was nothing left but broken pieces. But he realized with horror that the hand was _his_. _He_ had given up. _He_ had doubted her. _ He_ had_ never_ fought for her. And all for what? _Peyton_? He felt sick just thinking her name. She had been right. He never wanted to see her again.

Taking a deep breath, he moved on to the next letter. He thought it couldn't get worse. He was wrong.

_Lucas,_

_When I let you go six months ago, I thought I could live through the heartbreak and move on with my heart. Tonight I know that I was fooling myself. _

_In what possible universe could I handle seeing you in bed with Peyton right after you had sex and be _okay _with it?_

_Just the thought of it makes me sick to my stomach. I walked away fr__om the two of you in a daze as I tried to erase that image from my mind, but no matter how hard I try to ignore it, this moment has left a mark on my heart. It hurts, Luke. Damn it, it still hurts like hell._

_I had to stop and empty the content of my stomach on the side of the road. I know it wasn't because of the alcohol. The sight of you two sobered me up in a fraction of second._

_I didn't expect this to be easy, but I didn't think it would be this hard. Maybe if I had known, I wouldn't have had the courage to go through with it. But I guess I got what I wanted in the end because you are happy, and so is Peyton. I just wish it was enough. I wish it made giving up on both my best friend and boyfriend easier, but it doesn't. When I was crying over my boyfriend, no one was there to hold me in their arms and tell me it was going to be okay. And when I was hurting over losing my best friend, there was no boy standing next to me and making it all worth it._

_Why did you have to pick me the second time around? You said all those things to me and made me feel like what we had was so much more than anything you had ever felt. And I believed you. But if it was all true, how can you be with her the way you are now, blatantly ignoring everything we ever had? Why did seeing you lying in bed with her feel like finding out you cheated on me? _

_Why does it hurt that damn much after all this time?_

_Do you remember that night during our junior year when you found me on the beach after our formal? I was upset and you were there for me in spite of everything. You just sat next to me and asked me if I was okay, like a friend would. And do you remember what I answered?_ _"Why does everybody lie? The bad guys lie to get in your bed, and the good guys lie to get in your heart. And I'm the idiot who falls for it _every time."

_You said that I wasn't an idiot and you tried to convince me otherwise. But you were lying about that too, because I fell for all of it again a few months later._

_You got in my heart again and I hate you for that._

_You said you were the guy for me. You said I would see. You said you loved me. You said it meant everything. _

_And right now I really wish you could keep your promise and rescue me from all of it._

_Brooke_

Lucas flinched. The grip on his heart had tightened. His anger for Peyton had lessened. Now he was just angry at himself, at how stupid he had been, how blind and selfish. Peyton had just told him she didn't deserve his love, but the truth was Lucas hadn't deserved Brooke's either. In fact, both of them didn't deserve having her in their lives. They had been black-hearted monsters who had crushed _her _heart while calling themselves friends.

He had broken all his promises to her. He had broken her. How could he ever live with that?

He moved on to the next letter, bracing himself for the worst.

_Lucas,_

_It's funny how there were so many moments during high school when I wished I could be anywhere but here, and instead fast forward to a time in the future when everything would be finally be alright. But as we all separated on the river court last night I felt something change in me, and now I wish I could go back to the safety of the past four years – walking down the halls with Peyton, being a cheerleader, getting half-naked in the back of your car, going away for a week-end with my group of best friends._

_The truth is I'm scared._

_I'm scared I won't find my way; I'm scared everyone has their path marked down in front of them when I'm just eternally going to stand still with no direction to guide my steps._

_You held me in your arms last night and for a brief moment it seemed like everything was going to be okay. That moment is long gone by now. The air is cold again and your arms have gone back to the place your heart now calls home – Peyton._

_You said I was brilliant and beautiful and brave. You wrote those words in your book and they are now forever printed in my heart. The irony is that without you, I wouldn't have been half of these things. Sometimes I hate you for it, sometimes I am grateful. But it doesn't change the fact that you shaped the person that I am._

_If I change the world someday, it will be because once upon a time, when you still loved me, you changed me into someone that could. I'm not saying I can't _live _without you or I can't _be _without you. But you make me a better person, Luke. You always have, for better or for worse._

_I couldn't sleep last night because my mind was too full of memories to sleep or even close my eyes. All I could do was reflect on the last four years and how they have changed me and made me grow more than anyone you had ever known. I'm proud of how far I've come. I just wonder how much farther I can go._

_I'm going to miss you, Lucas Scott. I've missed you for a while now, but moving across the country will just make it more real, more definite. And as I am sitting at the airport, waiting for my plane for LA to board, I know now more than ever that I am not ready for that. I wish you could stay in my life longer. I wish we could be friends like before. _

_I don't know how to say goodbye to you, Luke. I already didn't know how a few months ago, when we broke up. I even came back to you a few weeks later because the pain was overwhelming and I thought for a moment that maybe I could forget about Peyton's feelings and just take back what I had given up. _

_But as I listened to Whitey's speech that night, it occurred to me that while he was describing my feelings for you, he wasn't describing yours. When I said that trying to get back together was a mistake, you _agreed. _When I walked out of your life, you _never _fought to get me back. And as I_ _watched Peyton during that night, I could see how much it hurt her to watch us together, and no matter how much I missed you, none of it mattered anymore. I let you go again._

_And tonight, as the three of us walked into the airport, I didn't know how to say goodbye either. I stood there, frozen, my plane ticket in one hand, my heart in the other. The way you looked at her made me feel like my own hand was gripping it and crushing it until all that was left of it were scattered pieces on the ground. I had to get out of there so I just grabbed my bag, said a few words that probably made no sense, hugged you without even looking at you and walked towards the gate as fast I could. I went through security with my eyes full of tears and I didn't look back, afraid you would see them and understand._

_I hope you have a good life, Luke. I didn't know how to say goodbye, but as we separate tonight, I want you to know that I wish you all the happiness in the world. I hope you become the next great American writer and you get your book published soon. I hope your heart keeps on beating in your chest the way it should. I hope that one day you can look back on your memories with Keith and finally feel like the pain has lessened. I hope all your dreams come true over the years and that the one person you love will stand beside you to share them with you._

_And selfishly, I hope you never forget about me. You know, Brooke Davis, Cheery, Pretty Girl – the girl you used to picture standing next to you when all your dreams come true. _

_But anyway. I'll see you soon, Broody. Hopefully._

_Brooke_

Maybe he should have felt better after reading this letter, proof that Brooke's pain had eventually lessened, even if it was to a small extent. But he felt worse now – so much worse. This was yet another unwavering proof of how amazing Brooke's heart was, how loving and forgiving and selfless she was. She put on a brave face in spite of her pain, just so he and Peyton would be happy. It had all been for them, and they had both been so ungrateful, so unworthy of her.

Her sacrifice killed him. It was a like dagger plunged deep in his heart, and hearing her talking about moving on and yet yearning for his presence only accentuated the pain.

And the hardest part was the sudden realization that after Brooke had written that letter, she had done what she should have done much earlier. She had started moving on.

And with that knowledge, a wave of panic overwhelmed him. It was selfish and he knew it, but he couldn't help wishing with all that he was that she hadn't moved on, hadn't given up on him. But what kind a person did that make him, to wish her more pain and longing when he had been shoving his relationship with Peyton in her face?

At last, Lucas opened the fourth letter.

_Lucas,_

_I don't know how to begin this letter. I don't even know if I should be writing – maybe it's better for my sake if I try to forget the way I feel. But something about the way you looked at me tonight shook me to my very core, and I couldn't ignore those feelings even if I tried with all my heart._

_When I let you go during senior year, I wondered how I was ever going to get over you. It took me a long time to accept the fact that you weren't coming back to me, but I moved on, eventually. I dated Chase, spent the summer in L.A., moved to New York, and then life got so busy that forgetting about how much it hurt was much easier. I could go on living my life knowing that you and Peyton were happy, and that maybe one day I would learn to give my heart again._

_But you showed up in New York last night and everything changed. My world slowly but surely titled back on its axis during the night, and by the time I left you in that hotel room, I found myself back to square one – or should I say, back in the Bermuda Triangle of Death. _

_It would have been so easy for you not to call me, but you did. And maybe it was because we had broken up a long time ago or maybe just because the pain of losing you had finally lessened, but seeing you and talking to you after all this time felt like discovering an old friendship that was about to bloom into so much more. I had forgotten how easy it was to spend time with you. God, it felt good to hear your voice and see your smile._

_And then you got down on your knee in front of me, and my entire being froze. My heart prayed for you not to say the words, but you did. You said the words that were meant for Peyton while looking straight into _my _eyes and I knew that this moment would forever remain burned in my heart._

_Somehow I ended up wearing Peyton's ring and pretending to be your fiancée, and that's when I started losing all sense of direction. I could no longer tell north from south, and it wasn't just because of the free champagne. My head knew better but my heart was getting carried away, and when the carriage driver asked us what our life plans were, I wasn't pretending anymore. You were thinking about her the entire time while I was remembering the dreams we used to share._

_I won't lie and say that it wasn't hard to let those moments pass by and keep my feelings buried deep down. But it all would have been okay if only you hadn't pressed your lips against mine in that hotel room. Why did you have to do that, Luke? What did you have to leave me wondering what it meant? That's the hardest part – not knowing if this kiss just meant that you were drunk and missing Peyton or if there is some part of you that misses me, somehow._

_But do you remember what I once told you? I wish I could forget it now and pretend that this belief was never mine._

_A kiss_ always _means something._

_I had to let you go one more time and I wish you'd had enough sense to hold back. How could you kiss me? We're not in high school anymore. We are adults now, grown ups living in the big scary world, getting engaged and writing books and starting fashion lines. And yet the taste of your lips transported me back to a time where you were mine and things were so much easier. _

_Part of me wanted to be selfish for once and act on my feelings. I wanted to kiss you back, and to hell with Peyton and stupid sacrifices. But it's not who I am. And it wasn't you either – just the alcohol. Because nothing would have happened, had you been sober. Right?_

_I walked out of your hotel room with tears in my eyes and it took the entire cab ride for me to calm down. It's amazing that after all this time, you still have that much power over me. You made my heart race and my head spin. You made me feel alive._

_I wish you could take it all back now. All the things I gave, like the take of my kiss on your lips. I miss that now._

_The man that drove our carriage through New York was right. Love is what it's all about. _

_I missed you, Broody. I wish you were in my life. _

_But you're not mine to have. Maybe you never were._

_Brooke_

Lucas closed his eyes in pain. He wasn't sure which pain, though; there were too many. They were assaulting him like a cold winter wind blowing on his face, leaving him frozen. There was the pain of seeing how little consideration he'd had for Brooke when he had kissed her that night in New York, mere hours after kneeling down in front of her and re-enacting his proposal to her best friend; the pain of realizing she ever thought, even for a second, that he was never hers; the pain of how much harder he had made things for her that night.

His thoughts swirled around in his mind as he stared at the four letters in his hands. All her words had imprinted themselves on his heart. They had woken up the very core of his being, infiltrated every ounce of his body.

His pain was her pain. His heart was hers. How had he let those two truths become so intricately and intimately linked?

And then, at last, as the rate of his heart beating picked up again, he realized that he had an answer to that question. And he was painfully aware of how long it had taken him to figure it all out, of how many hearts had been shattered in the process.

He had been in love with Peyton for as long as he could remember, ever since the first time he saw her, all tangled hair and skinny legs. He had fallen in love with her lonely silhouette and tortured eyes. She looked, sounded, and felt so familiar, like she was the one person who could understand who he was deep down.

She became a part of his life; loving her was a habit, an aching in his chest that he had grown accustomed to. He had grown up with it. And then one day, Peyton was in his life for real – not just in his dreams anymore. His heart was elated, not only because she was true and real, but because he realized then that he had been right all this time. There was a bond connecting them, something even Peyton couldn't deny as she struggled to let him in.

Lucas had always had a hard time defining exactly what Peyton and him were, but looking back at his feelings for Peyton now, he knew exactly the word he had been looking for. Soulmates. They knew each other. They recognized each other, deep down. They were the same tortured soul, shut down person. Finding each other was like finding solace, gaining the knowledge that there was someone in your life that plainly and simply understood who you were.

And then, as Lucas had tried in vain to get Peyton to open her heart to him, his life – his very_ heart_ – was changed forever, thrown off course by a girl who became more to him that he thought anyone could be.

He remembered vividly the night when he had found Brooke sitting half-naked in his back seat and she had asked him, softly and seductively, if he had felt it – the moment he would forever look back on and think "that's when everything changed."

Well, he knew now.

Brooke_ was_ his moment.

She had changed everything. She had changed how he saw the world, how he saw himself, how he saw others. She had transformed his world her way and Lucas had been forever altered by her. All this time, he had insisted that the comet wasn't anyone. Truth be told, he wondered how he hadn't figured it earlier. Brooke was his comet.

She was everything.

But he had been stupid enough to let her go the first time around. His heart was still longing for Peyton and the future he had always envisioned for them, and he had blindly refused to let it open up to Brooke. He had done the worse thing possible and cheated on her with Peyton. He still thought she was all he wanted, all he needed. How could she not be, when their bond was so strong?

But then he had seen the pain on Brooke's face, he had heard her heart crack open in her chest and everything had changed. Maybe that's what had provoked his realization – the fact that he couldn't bear to see her hurt, so much that it diminished his desire to be with Peyton to the point where he simply moved on from it.

Time passed, and he became friends with Brooke again. And then he couldn't deny it anymore, or run from it. He longed for her in a way he had never longed for Peyton. He missed her so strongly, so intensely. He missed who he was when he was with her. He missed everything about her.

No words could describe how happy she made him when she gave him another chance and let him in her heart. Peyton might be his soulmate, but Brooke and him… they had the same heart. They_ shared_ the same heart. He looked at her every day and marveled at how lucky he was that she was his. He wasn't planning on ever letting her go. He was the guy for her, and she was the one. She stood him with him, when the rest of the world fell down. When Dan didn't love him, when Keith died, when he quit basketball, she was his anchor, the ground beneath his feet. He didn't think he could ever tell her how much it meant to him that she was there through all of it, even when he didn't open up to her like she deserved it. It meant everything that she was by his side.

And now, he understood where everything had gone wrong. Brooke had broken up with him, thinking he would be better off with Peyton, wanting Peyton and him to be happy together. She had broken up with him because of Peyton's confession, but today Lucas realized that his reaction was maybe even worse than Peyton's backstabbing.

He had believed her. He had stood there and believed her lie. When she had told him she couldn't be with him anymore, he had stood there and said he was_ sorry_. But how could he, he wondered now, so angry at himself that he started shaking and almost crushed Brooke's letters in his hands. How could he stand there and not question her words, her actions?

He thought she didn't want him anymore. He thought she had fallen out of love with him. And maybe that's what triggered everything that had followed – moving on, getting together with Peyton, declaring her his _destiny_. He thought Brooke had abandoned him, left him, just like Dan had, and then Keith. He thought she had stopped loving him, and he had forced himself to stop loving her back.

And now he realized his mistake. She had never stopped loving him. In fact, she had loved him enough to let him go and give him away to her _best _friend. He wondered what he had done to ever deserve her love.

He thought back to the few weeks after their break-up, before he and Peyton had gotten together. He could see now, with so much clarity that it made him physically sick, that she had gently but surely pushed him towards Peyton, making sure he believed she didn't want him that way anymore. The clearest memory of all was that of the night they had won the championship, the most defining moment of all.

Brooke was the first person he had held in his arms – the one standing next to him when his dreams came true. She had hugged him and shared his joy, and then she had sent him to her. And only now did he realize exactly _how much_ that gesture had meant, and what it had changed. Brooke had stopped loving him, but she wanted him to be happy with_ Peyton_. And Peyton was familiar, she loved him, and knew him. And so he had smiled back at Brooke, watching her perfectly composed face wish him to be happy with her very best friend, and he had walked over to Peyton. All these years, his life had been defined by the triumphing moment of clarity he'd had when he had kissed Peyton that night; the belief that he was and would always be in love with Peyton Sawyer.

But his clarity was only hitting him full force now. He could see everything now, feel everything the way he should have before. And he knew that he would have never felt that way about Peyton if Brooke hadn't let him go and pushed him to her. He had been too in love with Brooke to even consider the possibility that someone else could be right for him – even Peyton.

His face twisted in pain when he thought of all the time he had spent thinking Peyton was the one for him… and yet it was nothing compared to how he felt at the thought of how badly he had hurt Brooke, and how much she had sacrificed for his own happiness without him ever knowing. He almost wanted to be angry at her for making that decision for him and not giving him a choice. But then he realized, even angrier at himself, that she _had_ given him a choice by letting him go – the choice to fight for her and look beyond her indifferent facade, or to believe her lies and do exactly what she had anticipated and feared all along – go to Peyton.

And he had chosen wrong.

--

_The title of the chapter comes from the beautiful song "Realize" by Colbie Caillat._

_--_


	14. Pieces

**Author's note: **I owe you all a big apology. I should have updated weeks ago – and I was going to – but life has this annoying tendency of always getting in the way. First, it was the fact that my internet connection was out. Then, once that was fixed, a friend came to stay with me while looking for an apartment to move into, and still is as of today. Then, the first two episodes of the season aired, and the lack of Brooke/Lucas interaction simply hurt. And_ then_, Mark Schwahn did another one of those lovely (coughs) interviews where he claimed that he'd known ever since the pilot that Lucas would call Peyton. Clearly, he must've had amnesia when he wrote the episode "Champagne for My Real Friends, Real Pain for My Sham Friends" (307) in which Lucas said about Brooke, "She's the one. She just is. I feel it. You know, Pascal says: 'the heart has reasons that reason cannot know'."

So it's been a combination of those things that has kept me away from writing and updating this fic. But I promise that I am back now, no matter what. I've actually had this and the next chapter written for a while, but I kept tweaking them and never got around to posting them. My heart wasn't in it for a while.

By the way, in case any of you wondered (I'm telling you this because I was a little freaked out by how much resemblance there was between this fic and the season premiere), I was and remain completely spoiler-free. Any similarity between the show and this story are pure coincidence. And hopefully, the Brucas relationship _will_ go down this road, eventually.

If you have a chance, please listen to the wonderful song "Pieces" by Red (you can find it on YouTube) while reading to this chapter. It inspired me to write this chapter along with many others, and it is an amazing song.

Oh, and this chapter is dedicated to Kristin, to whom you all owe this update.

Thanks for everything!

Laurie

**Chapter 14****: Pieces**

_I'm here again,  
A thousand miles away from you.  
A broken mess,  
Just scattered pieces of who i am.  
I tried so hard,  
Thought i could do this on my own.  
I've lost so much along the way._

_Then I see your face,  
I know I'm finally yours.  
I find everything,  
I thought I lost before.  
You call my name,  
I come to you in pieces,  
So you can make me whole..._

As Brooke's taxi took the last turn leading to her street on the Upper West side, she breathed out in relief. She had almost forgotten how busy New York could be, even at this early hour of the day. Some people were going for a run before a long day at work, some taking their dog for a walk, others coming home after a crazy night out in the city. It was such a contrast to life in Tree Hill, and on another day she might have felt the urge to turn around and go home right away. But on this already unbearably hot morning, she welcomed the change. She wanted to get lost in the crowd and let herself get carried away as she walked down the busy streets of Manhattan.

She put the change the taxi driver had given her in her purse and, carrying the duffel bag she'd hastily packed, entered the building. She repressed a yawn as she rode the elevator and agitatedly waited for her floor number to light up. She instantly remembered the last time she'd been here, with Owen standing next to her, and then wished she hadn't thought of him altogether. She involuntarily flinched as her encounter with him this morning flashed in her mind.

She'd come to him in the middle of the night, as he was closing down Tric. Her heels had rhythmically tapped the floor when she'd entered the club, and she'd wished things were that simple in her heart – that she could make it follow a simple and logical pattern.

Owen had greeted her with a smile and leaned in for a kiss, but she had shrugged back, unable to keep up the facade any longer. His posture had immediately changed, his features hardened up, and she'd found herself wishing there were a way she could do this without hurting him.

She'd hoped words would come to her on the spur of the moment, but she couldn't make a sound as she stood in front of him. He'd stared at her tongue-tied face for a long time, and then he had said the words that had made everything so much harder.

"You love him."

It wasn't even a question. It was a statement, an absolute truth, something she could no longer run from. She hated that Owen knew because it made what had happened even more real. She hated that Owen knew because it meant she couldn't spare him the pain, either.

She'd found she didn't have it in her to respond anything. Confirming or denying his belief would have made it real… and she didn't want it to be.

Eventually, she'd found her voice.

"I'm sorry," she'd whispered, her voice cracking.

Owen had shrugged. "I've always known. It wasn't that hard to figure out. I guess I just thought you had moved on."

She had smiled, tears blurring her vision. "Me too."

"I hope he doesn't hurt you, Brooke. You deserve more than that."

"Thanks," she'd croaked.

She'd left then, wishing she'd had the heart to tell Owen she was about to leave Tree Hill to get away from all of it. She'd wishfully imagined it might have made things somewhat easier.

Brooke sighed as she opened the door to her loft. Nothing was ever easy – not when it came the way she felt about a certain boy.

She put down her bag on the floor, too tired to carry it all the way to her bedroom now. She looked around at the empty apartment. Was this – being here, miles from him – going to help? She'd run away like a coward… but her heart had left her no other choice. She had run for her life, for her heart's sake. The problem was that now that she was here, she knew in a heartbeat that she could never run from any of it.

It was then that Brooke heard noise coming from the bedroom. She felt panic overwhelm her, along with a strange sense of déjà vu. She couldn't deal with more drama, not when her heart was aching so bad in her chest – not to mention the fact that she hadn't slept in over 24 hours. Attempting to calm herself down, she listened more attentively. It was the sound of water running, and then stopping.

Feeling an urge to get this over with as quickly as possible, Brooke walked straight to her bedroom and marched into the bathroom, not really thinking things through. She felt too exhausted, physically and emotionally, to really care.

But when she was greeted with a familiar sight, Brooke relaxed instantly.

"Rachel?"

Rachel was standing in front of the completely steamed-up mirror, her body wrapped up in a big, white towel. She was in the process of drying her hair with a smaller towel she energetically ran through it. But what struck Brooke the most was how incredibly healthy Rachel looked. Her skin was almost was glowing. It was such a contrast to how she'd looked when Brooke had last found her here.

"Oh, hey Brooke!" Rachel answered cheerily, as if finding her there was the most natural thing in the world.

Brooke stared at her, speechless. She let her mind process the fact that Rachel was really standing there, in front of her… and then she reached out to her friend and threw herself into her arms. Rachel almost jumped back in surprise, but seeing the flash of pain in Brooke's eyes, she simply hugged her back.

It wasn't long before Brooke was sobbing in her arms. All Rachel could do was to hold her and wonder exactly what had caused this sudden outburst… but then again, she had a pretty good idea who would leave her friend crying so hard she would stop breathing for seconds at a time.

Lucas Scott.

Boy, she was going to kick his ass one of these days.

--

Lucas stood on the porch, one hand leaning on the wall, the other pounding restlessly against the door. His foot tapped the floor impatiently. He had driven to Brooke and Peyton's house in a flash of anger and he could barely contain it any longer as he waited.

He wasn't sure how long he had stood in his living room, reading the letters over and over again, but it registered to him now that it was already dark outside. The whole day had gone by while he had gone from angry at himself for not realizing this before, to angry at Peyton for her so-called_ confession_ to Brooke, to angry at Brooke for deciding _she_ knew what was best for him, and then angry at Haley for not opening his eyes up.

And then he had gone right back to square one – angry at himself. It ate him up on the inside to know how much he hard hurt Brooke. The worst part was knowing that she was still hurting now.

Finally, as the shock of his realization had worn off, he had found that there was an anger that he simply could not turn off. It hadn't turned to pain, or aching, or understanding. Because no matter how he turned things around in his head, he couldn't fathom why Peyton had done what she had done.

And he was furious.

It took a full minute before his frantic knocking brought Peyton to the door. She looked like hell, and Lucas found himself reveling in that fact. Why should he care?

She stood before him, silent, waiting for him to unleash his anger. He wasn't going to disappoint her, he thought.

"How _could_ you?" he asked her coldly. He wasn't sure how else he could formulate his thoughts. He felt like it was all too cruel to even put into words.

"Lucas… I'm sor–"

He cut her off. "Don't tell me you're sorry. Frankly, I don't care. I just – I want to know. I want to know_ exactly_ what went through your mind. What made you think even for a_ second_," he paused, trying to channel his anger, "that it was okay for you to do this? That you had the_ right_?"

Peyton shook her head, tears already forming in her eyes. "I don't know. I don't know," she repeated. "I was just… all I could see was that you and I were_ supposed_ to be together, and I just didn't think." Her voice broke at the last word. She was past even telling Lucas that at the time, she'd told Brooke that she was just trying to be honest and wasn't going to do anything about her feelings. She knew how much of a lie it had been now, and she knew Lucas would see right through it, too. It only made what she had done worse because she hadn't owned up to it. And Brooke, with her ever-forgiving heart, had never called her on it.

Lucas shook his head, not even bothering to hide his disgust. "Did you even care? That you would hurt Brooke? Did it ever _cross_ you mind?"

Peyton stared at him. She didn't know how to explain it because she couldn't understand it herself, what a monster she had been. "All I could think about was being with you," she confessed. "It was like the rest didn't exist."

"Well congratulations!" he told her. "It doesn't anymore. Brooke is gone. She left me then, and she's gone now."

It occurred to Lucas that he had never discussed his feelings for Brooke with Peyton since they had broken off their engagement… but he was long past trying to spare her the heartache.

"Look, Lucas," she began frantically. "I love Brooke. She's my _best_ friend," she whispered, crying.

"What kind of person does that to their best friend, Peyton, huh? Tell me!"

"I don't know!" she shouted back. "I don't know how I became this, this monster. I don't know what I was thinking or how I could do this and live with myself!" A sob shook her frail shoulders. "I don't know, okay!"

"But you still did it, didn't you? It doesn't change the past. It doesn't change the fact that you never told me what you had done and that you let me live in this, _lie_," he said, sickened. Peyton looked so small and broken in this moment, yet all he could think was how what Peyton had done had broken _Brooke_, and he couldn't get himself to care.

Silence settled between them. It took a few minutes before Peyton found her voice again.

"I'm not asking for your forgiveness, Luke. I know I don't deserve it." She sounded resigned. "I know now what I've done."

As he stared at her, he realized he wasn't even sure why he had come. Maybe he just wanted her to know how angry he was. He didn't think he would ever get past this.

"I really thought the world of you, you know," he said, his anger subsiding. He was just bitter now – bitter and resentful. "I thought you were… graceful, and you had such a big heart. I didn't want to _break _it," he confessed. "How ironic. You broke Brooke's heart, and mine, a long time ago."

Peyton looked at him, silent. She knew more was coming.

"I don't think I can be your friend anymore, Peyton. Because I'm not sure that you ever were mine."

She let his words sink in. She had known it was inevitable, but it still hurt.

"I understand," she said quietly.

He nodded before turning around and walking back to his car. There was nothing left to say.

--

Rachel waited in silence as Brooke's tears slowly subsided. She had brought her to the bed, afraid Brooke was going to collapse on the bathroom floor. She had cried for a long time, first sobbing and then letting her tears soundlessly run down her face. She seemed to be regaining control over herself now, as they were sitting side by side on the bed.

Rachel wasn't surprised when Brooke's first words didn't acknowledge her breakdown. Instead, she turned the conversation around. _That's Brooke Davis for you_, Rachel thought. Always thinking of others until it was no longer possible to ignore her own pain. Well, Rachel was only going to let her escape it for so long.

"What are you doing here?" Brooke asked her. "I thought you…"

"…had spent all the money I stole from you buying crack and died of an overdose in a stranger's bed after having sex with him?"

Brooke cracked a smile. "Yeah, pretty much."

"I was going to," Rachel admitted. "But I really did want to get better and get my life back. So I took the money and went to rehab," she said. "I didn't know where to go at first, so I called your friend Owen. I asked him for advice and he gave me the name of the place he'd gone to in the city. I got out two months ago, sober. I've been working as a waitress ever since, making money until I can get my own place."

"Owen helped you?"

Rachel nodded. "I made him promise not to tell you. I wasn't sure I could actually do it, you know. I didn't want to get anybody's hopes up."

Brooke smiled in response. It was Rachel's way of saying that she hadn't wanted to disappoint Brooke. "I'm so happy for you, Rach," she said. "I can't tell you how relieved I feel, knowing you're okay. I was worried."

"'Course you were. But you should know… I did use some of the money to buy myself new _fabulous _clothes. No offense, Brooke – you know I love your line – but I couldn't ignore the calling any longer."

Brooke laughed. "None taken," she said softly.

"So," Rachel began. "Please tell me that Lucas Scott is not the reason you are crying like a pitiful teenager."

Brooke winced upon hearing his name, and yet couldn't keep her lips from curling up into a smile. Rachel always had a way of saying things so bluntly and yet so accurately.

"How did you know?"

"Well, there are only two people who could get you in such a state. Your mother, or Lucas. I know you fired your mom a couple of months ago, so I figured the sudden outburst was caused by someone else. Am I right?"

Brooke nodded. "Listen, Rachel, I don't want to talk about it, okay? I came here to get away from it, and I'd rather not dwell on it."

But Rachel ignored her. "He married that editor girl, right? Did he get her pregnant already?"

Brooke involuntarily flinched at her words. She hadn't expected the flash of jealousy she felt when she pictured him happily married and starting a family. It was as if his confession had awakened everything she felt for him, and she could no longer keep any of it buried, no matter how hard she tried. And Rachel wasn't helping at all.

"What? Is it worse?"

Brooke stared at her friend. She figured she'd better tell her everything now; she knew Rachel wouldn't give up until she got her question answered.

"He didn't marry Lindsay," she began. "She walked out on him during the wedding. She thought he was still in love with Peyton. He spent a few weeks trying to get her back… and then apparently he realized that he_ did_ love Peyton. They went to Vegas together, to get married."

Rachel stopped her. "Wow, no wonder you're upset."

"That's still not it," Brooke said, all the while wishing that it actually stopped there.

"There's _more_?"

"They didn't get married in Vegas. They decided to wait. He proposed to her at a party I'd thrown to congratulate them for being newlyweds. And _then_, a couple of weeks later, both of them realized they weren't in love. They said it was a mistake."

"Okay, now I'm officially confused," Rachel interrupted.

"So am I," Brooke breathed. "But there's more. Lucas and Peyton broke off their engagement over a month ago. And yesterday night…" She paused. This was where it got really hard, because now her own feelings were involved, teetering on the surface, menacing to spill over at any given second. "Lucas found me at the river court. And he said… he said he wanted to be with me. To have children with me."

"Wait, hold on. He said_ what_?"

Brooke found she didn't have the strength to repeat the words. It was too painful.

Understanding her difficulty, Rachel took it upon herself to talk instead. "Okay, let me get this straight? He almost married Lindsay. Then tried to get her back. _Then _went to Vegas to marry Peyton. Then proposed to her. Then broke it off with her. And _then_ he confessed his undying need to have kids with you?"

Once more, Brooke couldn't help but laugh at the way Rachel had summed up Lucas' love life. It _was _crazy… and somehow she was standing smack dab in the middle of it, with no escape route, no room to breathe.

"No wonder you're messed up," Rachel commented. "Do you think he was sincere – what he said about you?"

It was the million-dollar question, Brooke thought. _Was_ he? And even if he was, could_ she_ believe him?

She shrugged. There it was again – the lump in her throat, the moisture in her eyes, the loud thumping of her heart that would not be ignored.

"Okay. So he was."

Brooke found it in her to speak. "I don't know. I don't want to know. You said it yourself, Rach. He doesn't know what he wants. And I refuse to get sucked into the drama again. Not this time."

Rachel let the silence settle. She watched Brooke carefully. "But you want to. Some part of you does."

"When did_ you_ become so observant?" she asked, annoyed.

"Rehab is boring," she answered lightly. "No coke, no booze, no men. There was nothing else to do but observe people. But never mind that. What did he tell you exactly?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, he explained, right? Why it was you, all of a sudden?"

Brooke shook her head. "I didn't let him."

"So you don't know if he meant it."

"I don't want to know."

"That's bullshit. Honestly, Brooke, don't you think I know better?"

"So what if I want to know? What if I want him to mean it? It doesn't change the rest."

"Which is?"

Brooke sighed. Rachel had an uncanny way of always getting the truth out of her. "He's going to leave, eventually. It's Peyton he wants," she said quietly. "I know that."

"Maybe you're wrong."

"I wasn't wrong the first two times. I'm not making any bets this time around."

"You want to know what I think?" Rachel asked. A silent laughter shook Brooke. "Do I have a choice?"

"No."

"Okay, go ahead."

"I think you've never really moved on from Lucas. I think you've never stopped waiting for him. And now that he's here and he wants you, you're scared shitless. Which, by the way, makes you a coward."

"Thanks!" Brooke snapped. "That makes me feel so much better."

"But you know it's the truth."

Did she?

_Yes_, her heart answered.

"And you know what else I think?"

"No, but I'm sure you're going to tell me."

"I think there's a big chance Lucas might actually be honest right now. I never liked Peyton anyway, she's such a bitch!" Brooke laughed and Rachel went on. "I think he wants_ you_. Beats me why _you_ want him, because you could do so much better… but you do."

"You really think so?"

"That your fat ass is crazy for being in love with Lucas Scott?"

"No. The other part."

"Oh. Yes."

It was all it took to get Brooke's heart racing again.

"Now. I really need to get dressed for work, so I suggest you get off my bed and take a tap on the couch. You really look like hell!"

And then Brooke laughed again – a full, heart-felt laugh. She'd missed Rachel.

--

Haley and Nathan's house was the second stop on Lucas' angry trail. He had calmed down by now, having unleashed most of his anger on Peyton. Whether it was fair or not, he didn't feel one ounce of guilt about it.

Now, he needed answers.

He needed Haley.

It was Nathan who opened the door to their house. "Hey man!" his brother greeted him.

"Hey, is Haley here?"

"She's upstairs, putting Jamie in bed." He gestured for Lucas to come in and they walked in the house together. "You okay?"

Lucas chuckled. "Depends on your definition of okay."

"You look like hell."

"Thanks!" Lucas answered bitterly.

"Is it Brooke? Haley told me she left this morning."

Nathan sat on the couch and Lucas joined him there. Where could he begin? "I messed up," he admitted. "I told her how I felt, but it wasn't very… subtle."

"What, did you propose to her?"

Lucas scoffed. "Why does everybody keep asking me that?"

"Because _you_ keep proposing to every girl in your life, Luke!"

"Okay. I guess I deserve that. But the answer is no, I didn't propose. But still… I should have waited. Or at least, I should have tried not to scare her away."

Haley strolled in the living room as Lucas finished speaking. "Hey Luke!" she said. "Wow, don't take this the wrong way, but you–"

"Look like hell, I know!"

Nathan laughed but Lucas' stare silenced him. His brother got up. "I'm gonna go upstairs and read Jamie a story," he said, giving them some privacy. He tapped Lucas on the shoulder, kissed Haley, and then left the room.

"Okay. What's going on?" Haley asked, concerned. Lucas really did not look well.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked straight away.

"Tell you what?"

"That Brooke left me because of Peyton?"

He wasn't angry anymore, just pained, resigned.

Haley's features softened immediately. "Oh. So you know?"

He nodded, impassive.

"How?" she asked.

"Peyton." He couldn't help the anger that flashed on his face. "She found letters Brooke wrote me after we broke up. She brought them to me."

"Peyton did?"

"Believe me, it's probably the only good thing she's done in her whole life. But you knew already, didn't you?"

Haley came to sit beside him. "You can't blame me for this, Luke. And for what it's worth, Brooke never really told me, either. I just guessed. It wasn't really hard to tell."

"But I didn't," Lucas said, pained. "Everybody but me knew. Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't I see it?"

"You were in love with Peyton," she suggested softly.

"No, I wasn't," he answered firmly. "I loved Brooke. And if Brooke hadn't let me think that she didn't want me anymore, I wouldn't have so much as cast a glance at Peyton that way."

"You can't know that. You and Peyton have this… thing."

"Not anymore. I can't look at her anymore. She makes me sick."

"Luke, don't be too hard on her, okay?" Haley surprised herself by defending Peyton. She hadn't always been her greatest fan either… but in spite of everything, Haley knew Peyton had meant no harm. She hadn't done what she had done to purposefully hurt her friends.

"Why should I, after what she did?"

"I'm not questioning whether or not what she did was wrong or right. I'm just saying… we're only human. And Luke… you did go to Peyton, eventually. You proved Brooke right."

Lucas closed in eyes. It still hurt him as much, no matter how many times he thought about what he had done. He could only imagine how it had felt for Brooke.

"I know. But I wouldn't have, if I had known that Brooke still felt that way about me. I was in love with Brooke, not Peyton."

"Fair enough. But even if that was true, even if now, you realize that Brooke was the one all along… don't you think it's better that you and Peyton got together at one point? I know you say you loved Brooke, and I believe you. But there would always be that off chance, that possibility. It's no longer there now, right?"

Lucas nodded. He had never been so sure of anything else in his life. "Brooke is… She's all I want. I can see that now."

"Good." Haley could see how much Lucas meant what he'd said. "Now I can finally give you my best-friend blessing."

He laughed. "I didn't know I needed your approval?" he said, half questioning her.

"Well you have it now. But you have to promise me something, okay?"

"Okay."

"Don't screw it up, this time. Best friend or not, I will kick your ass if you hurt her again. Brooke has been through enough."

"I know. Believe me, I know." Her letters had told him everything, and he knew he would never forget the pain radiating from Brooke's words. And he was going to spend the rest of his days trying to make up for the hurt he had caused her.

He was going to fix what he had broken.

--

_The wonderful song "Pieces" I used for the title of this chapter is sung by Red._

--


	15. Come Home

**Author's Note: **I won't keep you long because I know this update is way overdue. I just want to thank you for being amazing readers and reviewers and fans despite the fact that_ I_ have been terrible at updating and answering your reviews for the past couple of weeks.

I do have one more thing to say before you read this chapter, in light of the new season and lack of Brucas scene/friendship: keep the faith. I know BL will come through on the show. They just have to.

After all, didn't Mark write on the doll house at the charity game that _"Faith __ love. Belief trumps all. See the magic in the world. Possibilities are everywhere."_

Laurie

**Chapter 15****: Come Home **

_Everything I can't be  
Is everything you should be  
And that's why I need you here  
So hear this now_

_Come home,  
Come home,  
Cause I've been waiting for you  
For so long  
For so long  
And right now there's a war between the vanities  
But all i see is you and me  
The fight for you is all I've ever known  
Ever known  
So come home,  
Come home_

Brooke slid her sunglasses up in her hair as she walked into the Barnes and Noble on 83rd street. She was blinded by the bright lights of the store for a few seconds, but her eyes quickly adapted to her surroundings. She walked swiftly past the cashiers and up the escalator, all the while trying to ignore the way her heart constricted in her chest.

She sighed as she slowly made her way through the alleys. She had only come here once before; yet she remembered the bookstore with a piercing clarity. The first time she had come had been on the day Lucas' first book had been published. Victoria had already turned Brooke into a star by then. She'd been surrounded by glamour and haute couture clothes and paparazzi – the kind of person who had an assistant run an errand as trivial as buying a book. But Brooke had insisted, and just like today, she'd come in wearing big sunglasses and casual clothes, carefully concealing her rising popularity.

That day, she'd held the book close to her chest – to her heart – as she'd waited in line to pay for it. She'd had so much hope about what the book would hold. The only lines she knew were those that Lucas had read to her before they had separated in senior year… that she was brilliant, brave and beautiful. That she was going to change the world. Brooke hadn't hoped that the book would be a love declaration to her – she just wanted it to acknowledge what Lucas and her had been.

It had been months since his last visit in New York, when he'd kissed her in his hotel room. She had moved on by then, the memory carefully tucked away in the depth of her heart so she would no longer remember the taste of his lips, the feel of his hands on her skin, or the way it felt to have his eyes locked on her face. And she thought that if she read the book and heard him speak about their relationship, she would get some closure. Surely he would, once and for all, make it clear that he had moved on. And so, at last, she would finally do the same.

But nothing could have prepared her for the onslaught of pain that had ripped through her body when she'd read the book. His voice had echoed like a death sentence in her head, his voice reading the words that had broken her heart when she had first read them.

_But in that moment, my triumph was not a state championship, but simple clarity: __I was now and would always be in love with Peyton Sawyer._

She was reduced to a few pages of the fourth chapter. It was as if their love never existed, never mattered, never meant anything to him. The way he once felt about her was a mere_ paragraph_. How could he? She was so upset when she had first read the book. She had to stop halfway because each new word felt like another dagger plunged in her heart. She was so mad, hurt and upset. And that's when it had finally hit her. She had to face the truth once and for all, and it wasn't easy.

Peyton was the one for him. She was his destiny, the girl of his dreams. They were meant for each other. If she had tried to ignore it before, she could no longer run from it then. It was right in front of her, printed in black, cruel letters. Lucas loved _Peyton_. Brooke had merely been a stop on his way to her.

And as she kept walking through the alleys, lost in the past, Brooke realized that the pain she had felt on that day would probably never fade.

Today, she was here for the same boy, a new book… and, she hoped, a different pain. Part of her expected to see her best friend's face dance in her eyes as she read the book, but another part of her wished for a better outcome, so fervently that she was surprised by the force of her hope. She couldn't remember ever letting it grow so strong.

Finally, Brooke came to a stop when she found what she had been looking for.

The Comet by Lucas Scott.

She carefully took the book in her hands. She had left in such a hurry a few weeks earlier that she'd left the copy he had given her home. But she'd been gone for over two weeks now, she'd had time to process her feelings and to learn how to live with them…. and this morning, she had woken up with an irrepressible urge to read his book. To _know_.

And so here she was now. She headed back downstairs and paid for the book before walking up the small flight of stairs that took her to the Starbucks café. Brooke glanced around as she waited for her tall Caramel Frappucino. People were sitting at the small tables, some reading, others talking while sipping a hot drink, others surfing the internet on their computer. As she sat down among them with her coffee, she wished she could feel as nonchalant about being here as them.

She opened the book carefully, as if it were a ticking bomb about to explode. It was what it felt like in her heart.

She flipped through the first pages and stopped at the dedication again, her eyes dancing on the almost-blank page. All she found there were the words in print, talking about lost souls and the immensity of love.

And that's when it hit her, as if she had just awakened from a deep, long sleep.

She stared at the page, void of his handwriting and the words he had written for her – void of his feelings for her – and it was only then that she understood. Her life for the past two weeks, miles away from him, was as empty as this page without his words scribbled on it. There was a part of her – she wasn't sure she could handle knowing how big it was – that was empty without him. She had run because she couldn't deal with her feelings for him… but there was a truth that overpowered her fear of getting hurt again. She _missed _him. She ached for him, deep down in her heart, in her very bones.

And it was then that she realized that it was time for her to stop running. She wanted to come home. She wanted to come home to_ him_.

--

"How do you feel?"

Lucas turned to face Nathan as his brother entered the gym. Today was Lucas' first day of practice; the day he finally started coaching again. And he would have been tremendously excited to get that part of his life back, if it hadn't been for the fact that the most vital part of his life was currently missing.

"Nervous," Lucas answered.

"You'll be fine. Everyone is excited to have you back."

"Thanks, man."

Nathan threw him the basket ball in response. "You up for a one on one, big brother?"

"That depends. You ready to get your ass kicked, little brother?"

"Ah, you wish!"

And just like that, they were playing again. By the time Haley came in with Jamie, Lucas and Nathan both had won one game each.

"Uncle Lucas!" Jamie all but shouted as he ran to them.

"J. Luke!"

Lucas swept him off the ground and carefully placed him on his shoulders. He gave him the ball as Nathan went up to kiss Haley. "Wanna shoot some ball, Jamie?"

"Yeah!"

When Jamie and him were done, they walked over to the bleachers where Nathan and Haley were sitting, holding hands. "Momma! I won!"

"Course you did," she said, proudly. "Your uncle Luke has got nothing you!"

"Gee, thanks for the support Hales," Lucas snapped, still trying to catch his breath.

Haley and Nathan laughed as Lucas sat down besides them. "You still coming over for dinner tonight, Lucas?"

"Is Peyton still coming?"

"Come on, Luke, give her a break. It's been weeks."

"Yes. It's been weeks Brooke_ left_," he answered pointedly.

Nathan was about to protest but his son spoke instead. "Is that why you're mad at Peyton, Uncle Lucas? Because Aunt Brooke left?"

Lucas couldn't help but smile as his nephew spoke and he felt his anger subside for a moment. "Kind of, buddy. It's complicated."

"Everybody says that!" Jamie answered, clearly upset to be left out of the conversation. "But_ I_ think you and Aunt Brooke love each other! You shouldn't be mad at Peyton, she loves Brooke too!" he said, proud of his announcement.

Both Nathan and Haley burst into laugh at their son's genuine concern for Lucas. The way he saw the world at his age was so simple, so devoid of any deceit and second thoughts that he'd seen through Brooke and Lucas' relationship with astonishing clarity.

"Okay," Lucas said, getting up, ignoring his nephew's remark. "Practice's about to begin, so I'm gonna head to the locker room and change, alright?"

Jamie stared after his uncle as he walked away. "Is Lucas mad at me?" he asked, worried.

"No buddy," Nathan said. "He's just in love."

Jamie shook his head. "I hope I'm never in love!"

Nathan laughed quietly as he ran his hand through his son's hair. "You'll change your mind. You'll see."

--

Lucas put down his plate on the table as his friends around him talked. Everybody was at Nathan and Haley's house tonight, chatting and catching up as they ate dinner. Skills was over by the couch playing Wii with Jamie and Fergie; Nathan and Haley were talking in the kitchen, oblivious to the rest of the world; and three more of his friends were sitting around the table, two of whom being the reason they were all gathered here tonight. Mouth, sitting at the head of the rectangular dining table, was describing his new job to Junk while Millicent was sitting to his right, looking at Jamie jump up and down in joy as he won yet another game, beating Skills for the umpteenth time that night.

Mouth and Millicent were in Tree Hill for the week-end, and Haley had immediately offered to have everybody over for dinner. It was so reminiscent of the way things used to before they had moved away, and yet as Lucas watched Millicent scan the room, he could see in her gaze that there was someone she missed – someone whose presence Lucas ached for in more ways than he could tell.

Brooke.

It had been two weeks today she had left… two excruciatingly long weeks. He had followed Haley's (and Nathan's) advice and hadn't tried to go after her, but it hadn't been easy at all. As if her sudden departure hadn't been hard enough, as if everything he had learned from her letters hadn't left him agonizing enough, he'd also had to refrain himself from going after her.

But he knew his friends were right. Brooke needed time. And whatever she needed, Lucas was willing to give it to her. Even if she came back and told him she didn't want him, he would understand. He knew now the hurt he had inflicted her, and even though he hoped fervently she would still love him in spite of it, a part of him was aware of how deluded that hope was. If she said she didn't want him, he would understand.

But that didn't mean he wasn't going to fight for her.

Maybe that was the whole point. He hadn't fought before – not really, not nearly hard enough. It was going to be different this time.

Mouth called out to Millicent and she immediately turned her attention to him, pulling Lucas out of his thoughts. His eyes moved from his friends to the window overlooking Nathan and Haley's backyard, and they settled on the other person who was missing from their gathering: she'd been sitting outside by the pool for most of the night, her feet dangling in the water.

Peyton.

At first, he'd thought about not coming to the dinner altogether simply because he didn't want to see her and be reminded of all the things her actions had caused. Then he'd realized how ridiculous that idea was, if only for the fact that he hadn't seen Mouth and Millicent for months now. And looking at Peyton now, he felt ashamed for how childishly he had been acting lately, and mostly for the way he had treated her tonight when she had arrived. To say that he had given her the cold shower would be an understatement.

Was it why she'd been sitting by herself outside all night? He couldn't think of any other reason. He doubted anyone besides himself had treated her the way he had tonight. All of his friends had known for a long time what Peyton had done – to some extent, at least – and he could see no reason Peyton would avoid them… except to try and avoid him, too.

His anger seemed to subside and shrink down to a manageable level as he observed the girl he once believe to be the love of his life. She was sitting alone outside while all her friends were standing mere footsteps away. Yes, he was mad… but he hadn't meant to isolate her that way. He didn't want to be that person.

Grabbing his untouched plate of food, he stepped outside of the house and slowly made his way toward her. She briefly turned around when she heard his footsteps but turned back as quickly, expecting him to ignore the way he had for the past two weeks. She was startled when he actually came and sat down next to her. He handed her his plate as a peace offering.

"You hungry?" he asked carefully.

She glanced up, wary. She shook her head. "No, thanks."

Lucas put the plate down on the floor. She never took his eyes away from him. "Does this mean you're no longer pretending I don't exit?"

He sighed. He couldn't blame her for thinking that. Truthfully, it was exactly what he'd been doing.

"I don't know," he said.

"Then what does it mean?"

"That no matter how I feel about you, I don't want to isolate you from everyone else." His words seemed to lift some tension off of her shoulders. He went on. "You don't have to stay away from everybody just to avoid me."

She shook her head. Her lips turned up and she smiled, but he couldn't help noticing that it didn't look like she was happy at all. "I miss her too, you know. This is not… easy for me. Knowing I've hurt her, and knowing I've hurt you, too. I can't change what I did, but it doesn't change how much I care about her."

Lucas nodded. She had told him so when he had come to her house the other night, but he had been too furious back then for her words to get through to him. Tonight, he was more willing to listen.

"I know," he said. "And it was unfair for me to put all the blame on you. I've… played my part in this too. I hurt Brooke surely as much as you did, if not more. None of this would have happened if I hadn't been so… undecided."

Peyton looked at him, relief washing over her face. "Thanks, Luke. I know this isn't easy for you."

They sat in silence for a while, listening to their friends' chatter in the background. Eventually, Peyton spoke again. "You don't have to answer this," she began cautiously, "but what happened, the night Brooke left?"

Lucas debated telling Peyton the whole story or not, but then decided that if they were ever going to be friends again – although it hardly seemed possible right now – they needed to be honest with each other. Maybe this was the start.

"I've… come to realize, with everything that's happened over the past few months, that Brooke has been the one all along. That when she pushed me away in high school and I thought she didn't love me anymore, I tried to forget the way how I felt about her. But it's like she is the only thing that has ever made sense in my life. I can see that now. I tried telling her how I felt… but I guess I scared her away."

Peyton thought about what he had said for a moment, and Lucas couldn't help but notice that she didn't look surprised, or jealous, or resentful. She looked… pained. Before he could interpret her reaction any further, she spoke again. "She'll come around, Luke. She loves you. She probably doesn't want to admit it right now, but she always has." She paused. "I'm just sorry that this is what I've done – turned my best friend into someone who's running from love."

Lucas chuckled. "For what it's worth… my _confession_ wasn't very subtle. It probably didn't help things."

"Please don't tell me you–"

"No," Lucas cut her off, sighing. He felt like this was the millionth time he'd answered this question. "I didn't propose."

Peyton laughed. "It sounds like I'm not the only person who's asked you that question."

"You have no idea!" he said, laughing along with her.

Just then, Lucas heard Mouth call them over from inside the house. He got up swiftly and held out a hand to Peyton. He wasn't sure this meant they were friends, but at least they were on speaking terms again. "Come on," he said as he helped her get up. "Let's go join everybody else."

--

Lucas fidgeted with his tie for the hundredth time of the night, and let out a deep sigh as he gave up trying to make it look better. He was more nervous than he had been in a long time. Tonight he was coaching his first Ravens basketball game in months, and it didn't help matters that he had only resumed his position the day before, or that he had spent the night thinking about Brooke instead of the game, or that he had apparently lost his ability to put on a tie properly.

He heard someone chuckle and quickly turned around. Mouth was standing by door of the locker room. "You okay, Luke?"

Truth was, he was relieved to see Mouth here. He suspected Mouth and Millicent's timing in coming down to visit wasn't unrelated to _his _timing in coaching the Ravens again. "Yeah, I'm just nervous."

"You'll be fine. Just try not to punch anyone, okay? You seem to being doing that a lot lately."

"You heard about Keller?"

Mouth nodded. "I'll give you this: he_ is_ a pain in the butt. But why the sudden urge to punch him?"

"Just… old issues," Lucas said, shrugging.

"Let me guess – Brooke?"

Lucas threw his hands up in the air. "Come on. Is there_ one_ person on this planet that didn't know how I felt?"

Mouth laughed as he spoke. "You!" He sat down on the bench in the middle of the lockers, and Lucas did the same.

"I wish it hadn't taken me so long. She might still be here."

"She'll come back."

"How can you know? Even I can't be sure sometimes. Maybe I hurt her too much and this is as much as she can take."

"No, I don't believe that."

Lucas stared at his friend. How could Mouth have so much faith? Even Haley or Nathan hadn't seemed as sure.

"Look, Luke, Brooke may be hurting right now, or be confused… but you two, you have the same heart. That's not something you forget easily."

"But what if she wants to forget it? What if our past is too much for her to get past?"

Mouth smiled, and Lucas frowned, not understanding his friend's reaction. "Why don't you ask her yourself?"

And with those words, he got up, patted Lucas on the shoulder, and walked out of the room. Only then did Lucas turn around and see the girl standing mere yards away from him, her arms wrapped up tightly around herself, the ghost of a smile on her lips.

"Brooke."

He breathed her name like he breathed oxygen. He had been imagining seeing her again for weeks now, trying to remember each soft, precious line of her face. He could see now that his memory hadn't nearly done her justice.

"You're here," he said, disbelieving.

"I'm here."

She sounded scared and vulnerable, almost uncharacteristically shy… but above all, she didn't sound unsure. That thought alone sent Lucas' heart on a wild race.

"I missed you," he whispered. There was no point in denying it – he had already revealed a lot more the night she'd had left. And yet, there was so much more he had to tell her. He hoped with all his heart that she would give him a chance to say those things.

She smiled – her first real smile since she had walked into the room.

Brooke took a few, careful steps in his direction. Somewhere in the middle of their conversation – he couldn't remember when – he had gotten up. He stood still, not wanting to scare her away once more.

"About that night…"

He waited patiently for her to speak.

"I'm not sure that we, that we sh–"

He cut her off instantly. Whatever she wanted to tell him, there was something she had to know first, something that was forever going to shape their relationship. "Before you say anything… I want you to know that I'm not going to apologize for what I said. I probably should have waited longer, or tried to break the truth to you a little more gently, more subtly. But I'm not sorry I said those things, Brooke. I meant them. I always will."

She stood motionless for a long, unbearable minute. She seemed to be processing his words and their meaning carefully. Finally, she spoke, her voice barely above a whisper.

"I missed you, too."

He closed his eyes at the sound of her words. It felt like coming home.

And then he allowed himself what he had been longing for for weeks now. He took the steps separating him from her and launched in his arms, no longer caring about exposing his feelings. She knew. And yet here she stood, her body slowly and yet so surely melting into his, her arms wrapping up tightly around his chest.

Lucas would have been happy to just stand there forever with her, but all of a sudden the whole team came striding in the locker room shouting, loud, excited – such a contrast to the intimacy of his embrace with Brooke.

They immediately cheered him mockingly, and as Lucas reluctantly pulled away, he told them off. Then the sound of her raspy but beautiful voice tuned their voices out. "I'm gonna go," she said.

He started panicking involuntarily. "Stay for the game," he pleaded.

She smiled. "Okay."

He couldn't help but hold on to her hand for as long as he could before she disappeared behind the doors.

She had returned to him.

And his world was whole again.

And his belief in God, and love and art was reawakened in his heart.

--

_The title of this chapter comes from the beautiful song by One Republic, Come Home._

--


	16. See The Sun

**Author's note: **It's nothing new, but you guys are amazing. Every time I let myself start to lose faith due to the lack of BL interaction this year, one of you takes the time to send me a message and ask about the fic, and all of a sudden the muse kicks in again.

So this is dedicated to all of you BL fans out there. I still believe. It's all I do.

Laurie

_PS: I actually wrote this chapter a few weeks back, before Quentin even died on the show…__ so any similarities between what happened recently on the show and this chapter (you'll see what I mean) are once more pure coincidence. The reason it took me so long to post it was that I kept editing it and I was never happy with it. Until tonight._

_PS2: A lot of you asked how many more chapters there would be. I'm not sure yet, but I can say for sure there'll be at least 2 more. Maybe 4 :-)_

**Chapter 16: ****See The Sun**

_If I feel this feeling  
If I let myself go deep again  
Will you stay by my side, yeah  
Cause when I feel this feeling  
Things won't ever be the same again  
If planets collide  
I won't mind, no I'll be fine_

Brooke only went as far as the next hallway before she had to stop in her tracks. With her back bent and her hands on her hips, she took a long, deep breath. Her heart was hammering so hard in her chest she had a hard time taking in any of her surroundings. The intensity with which Lucas had held her was knitting a web around her heart.

She'd thought about what she was going to tell him over and over again on her way to Tree Hill – when she had packed in a hurry, when she had said goodbye to Rachel, in the cab on her way to La Guardia, and later on the plane – but all her well-thought words had gone out the window when her eyes had met his.

And she'd known that everything was going to be different from there on. With a simple gesture, when she had let him hold her in his arms, she had let him in. It didn't mean that all was forgiven or forgotten, but she'd let his piercing eyes and heartfelt words slip into the cracks of her heart. There was no going back from that.

The scary part was that she wasn't sure she wanted to go back. She needed him too much. It was what had prompted her sudden return, and it was what kept her here, what gave her the courage to keep walking towards the gym. She didn't hesitate before she walked in; she wasn't backing out now.

The gym was packed with high school students and teenagers, and Brooke smiled as she watched the cheerleading squad perform their routine. She had a hard time believing she'd been in their place mere years ago. And yet Lucas made her feel like she was a teenager all over again.

She was trying to make her way through the crowd when she felt someone grab her arm. She turned around and was greeted by the sight of Nathan, wearing a dark blue Ravens t-shirt, no doubt coaching the team tonight.

"Brooke! You're back!"

She smiled, happy to see him, and stepped in for a hug. "In the flesh!"

"How are you?"

"Really good," she answered as she pulled back. She wasn't sure_ good_ was the right word, but she doubted she could find one anyway.

Nathan observed her, trying to figure out if her enthusiasm was as real as she'd made it sound. He seemed convinced. "It's good to see you," he told her. "And I know someone else who's dying to know you're back."

"Lucas knows I'm here," Brooke said, and a shiver ran through her body. Saying his name, and all the while acknowledging what was happening between them, thrilled her more than she wished it did. Her heart was getting carried away. "I just talked to him."

Nathan smiled victoriously. "Brooke – you have no idea the favor you just did this team."

She laughed. "Okay Scott, glad to be of service. Is Haley around here?"

He motioned to a row in the bleachers. "She's sitting over there with Jamie. He's going to be really excited that you're back."

She smiled as she walked away. "Good luck!" she told Nathan.

When Brooke finally reached Haley and Jamie, her nephew literally jumped in her arms. "Aunt Brooke!" he shouted. "I knew you'd be back!"

She hugged him tightly before putting him down on the ground. "Ooh I missed you, buddy! How are you?"

"Great!" Jamie told her with a big smile. "I have a favor to ask."

"Whatever you want!"

"Can you make Chester a jersey just like the one Grandpa Dan gave me?"

"I would love to!"

Brooke laughed as she ran her hand through his sandy hair and finally walked over to his mother. Haley immediately took her in her arms.

"It's so good to see you," Haley told her.

"You too, Tutor Mom."

"Are you okay?"

Brooke smiled. "Yes. I'm perfect."

She meant it, and she knew Haley could see it too. Maybe it was what prompted Haley not to ask about what had led to her absence – although she was sure Lucas had filled her in – but Brooke loved her friend all the more for it.

"Where's Mouth?" she asked. She'd seen him in the locker room before talking to Lucas, and he had quickly hugged her on his way out, but she couldn't wait to actually_ see_ him.

"He went to get something to eat with Millicent. They should be back soon."

"Millie is here too?"

Haley nodded and Brooke almost jumped up and in down in joy. Tonight almost seemed too good to be true. She looked around her and saw Skills, Junk and Fergie talking, and Nathan arguing with Quentin on the side bench. But one person was missing.

"Is Peyton on her way?"

Haley's smile fell immediately, along with Brooke's heart in her chest. She almost closed her eyes in pain as she heard Haley ask, "Have you talked to Luke?"

Brooke shook her head up and down in a daze. "I just said hi. We didn't really get a chance to talk."

"It's better if he tells you," Haley said.

Brooke silently cursed herself. She had gotten carried away – well, she had_ let_ herself get carried away – and now she was paying for it. _Of course_, Peyton wasn't okay with Lucas and her having any kind of romantic connection. How could she have thought even for a minute that it would be _okay_?

Remembering that Haley was standing next to her, Brooke attempted to pull herself together. Jamie saved her by capturing Haley's attention, and she took that chance to compose herself. She could do this. She had done it before. She was a _pro _at it.

By the time Haley turned back to Brooke, she looked as if nothing had bothered her at all. "We're all going out to Level 5 after the game, are you joining us?"

"Sure."

The first half of the game passed in a blur. Between catching up with Mouth and Millicent who'd come back and sat down next to her, cheering for the team, and trying to avoid Lucas' stare whenever his eyes locked with hers – which occurred frequently – she didn't realize it was half-time before everybody actually started moving around her.

She grabbed her chance to run to the bathroom, and the break was almost over by the time she came back. She took her seat next to Millicent, but it wasn't long after they had started to chat that the whole gym fell silent. Lucas' voice blasted through the speakers, calling for everybody's attention.

"Could I have your attention everybody? I promise I won't be long. Huh, my name is Lucas Scott, and I'm the head coach of the Ravens Basketball team."

At his words, the whole crowd exploded in cheers. It took Brooke a while to realize that Lucas was actually standing right in the center of the gym.

"There is something that I need to tell one person here tonight, and I'm hoping that this will be loud enough for her to believe me."

Brooke's heart rate picked up and she barely registered Millicent speaking to her. Between Lucas' voice and her heart pounding in her chest, nothing stood a chance.

Then Lucas turned to her, even though Brooke was standing amidst hundreds of people in the bleachers, she felt like he could see no one but her.

"I'm the guy for you, Brooke Davis." He stopped and smiled, and a shiver shook Brooke. "I've been denying it for a long time, but my heart… my heart has always known. It was inevitable for me to realize it."

Everyone awed in the audience, but all Brooke could hear were his words filling up her heart.

"I'm the guy for you, Brooke Davis. You'll see."

And just like that, the players pushed Lucas out of the way and the game resumed. Brooke remained frozen, unable to move. Lucas had knocked the breath out of her, just like he had years ago, on that beach.

What was it that people said – the more things changed, the more they stayed the same?

Brooke felt Millicent gently shake her arm and she finally tore her eyes away from the court.

"Brooke, are you okay?"

Was she?

Would she ever be?

The truth was simple, really. She ached to be with Lucas again. And it seemed that, at last, Lucas wanted her back. She couldn't mistake the fire that had burned in his eyes when he'd told her he was the guy for her. Even standing yards away, she couldn't ignore it.

But she knew better. He would move on soon enough. He would go back to Peyton. He always did. Today she'd been foolish enough to believe that maybe this time would be different. Then Haley had told her that Peyton wasn't here and that she should talk about it with Lucas, and Brooke had understood.

Peyton still loved Lucas. Of course she did. That was inevitable, too. She had been stupid to think it could be any other way.

And even though Brooke knew what she had to do next, it didn't make the prospect of letting Lucas go once more any easier.

--

The rest of the game was pure torture. Brooke was torn between the urge to go and find Peyton to set things straight right away, and the ache she felt at the thought of putting her feelings for Lucas away again. She was fairly sure it wouldn't be as easy now as it had been years ago. And back then, it'd already hurt like hell.

As soon as the loud buzz signaled the end of the game, Brooke pulled Haley aside. "I'm going to go," she told her.

"You're not coming tonight?"

"Yes, but I need to do something beforehand. I'll call you when I'm on my way to downtown, okay?"

"Are you sure everything's alright? You don't look so good."

"I'll be fine, Hales." At least, she hoped she would. "I'll call you later, okay?"

With these last words, she walked away from her friends, careful not to run into anyone on her way out. Then, at last, she pulled up in front of her house. She saw Peyton's car in the driveway and took a deep breath.

She could do this.

She could do this.

She _had_ to.

"Peyton?"

She called out for her best friend as she walked in the house. Nobody answered, so Brooke kept looking. Peyton wasn't in her bedroom, or anywhere on the second floor.

Bracing herself for what was about to come, Brooke walked up the stairs leading to the rooftop. She found Peyton sitting in an armchair, looking out at the bay surrounding her. The view was gorgeous at this time of the day; the setting sun gave the water a thousand different shades of color.

"Hi best friend!"

Peyton sat up at the sound of her voice, and before Brooke knew what was happening, Peyton all but jumped on her.

"You're okay!" she said frantically.

"Of course I am!" Brooke said. She pulled back and looked at Peyton. "But _you _don't look okay."

Peyton shook her head. "I was worried about you," she told her. "I thought you weren't going to come back."

"What, and give up this view? Not for all the money in the world. Which, incidentally, I already have," Brooke said, laughing.

Peyton laughed along with her as they both sat down.

"We need to talk," Brooke began tentatively.

"Have you talked to Lucas?"

Brooke's hear constricted in her chest. Just hearing Peyton speak his name was more difficult than what she'd prepared herself for. She nodded. "We didn't get too much time, but–"

"Brooke, you _have_ to know that I never meant to hurt you. I can't tell you how–"

Brooke cut her off. "It's okay," she said. "Really."

"How can you say that? It's _not_ okay!" Peyton said, on the verge of tears again.

"Peyton, listen to me." She leaned in and took Peyton's hand in hers. It was a way to remind herself why she was doing this. "I'm not going to stand in your way, okay? I know how you feel, and it's okay. Lucas is yours. He has always been. I'm not trying to change that. _Nothing_ can change that."

Peyton's eyebrows furrowed. "You think I'm still in love with Lucas?"

Brooke nodded. "It's okay, P. Sawyer."

"No, no, Brooke. I'm not."

Peyton looked so sincere that Brooke almost let herself believe it. "Then why weren't you at the game?"

"Lucas hasn't told you yet, has he?"

"Told me what?"

Peyton got up and walked over to the railing. "I think you should let him explain." She knew it was selfish for her to tell Brooke that. It meant putting off their talk, and pretending that everything was alright between them for a little while longer. But beyond her own self-centered desire, she also knew this was a conversation Brooke needed to have with Lucas first.

"Peyton, what the hell is going on?"

Peyton smiled. "He loves _you_, Brooke. He always has." She was mirroring Brooke's words, but she thought they sounded so true now.

Brooke stared at Peyton in disbelief. Had the world been turned upside down while she'd been gone? Peyton looked like she really believed what she had said. She looked _happy _about the truth her words implied.

"Peyton…"

She struggled for words but couldn't find her voice. Was this really happening?

"Just go be happy," Peyton said, smiling. Brooke couldn't help but notice that she looked infinitely better than she had mere minutes ago. "Go find him."

At last, Brooke spoke. "_I _am not going anywhere. _We_, however, are going out to Level 5 tonight to celebrate the Ravens' victory!"

She'd chosen to avoid the topic altogether for the time being – she wasn't sure she would be able to voice her feelings even if she tried. Instead, she focused her energy on her mission for the night; she had come here to get Peyton to go out with her tonight, and she wasn't going to leave without her.

"Alright, best friend. Let's go!"

--

An hour later, Brooke and Peyton rode the small elevator taking them up to the rooftop bar, Level 5. Brooke grabbed Peyton's hand as they stepped on the floor, and together they walked through the lobby and the first room of the crowded venue. The first room had a small bar on the right and couches on the left. Brooke scanned it, but recognizing none of their friends, stepped through the French doors that led to the outdoor patio.

Peyton and her were instantly swallowed in the hundreds of people gathered around the huge bar located at the center of the patio. They slowly made their way to the right side of the bar, where they found all their friends. Peyton and Brooke joined them, and Brooke closed her eyes briefly as she felt the warm night breeze blow through her hair. She tried to let it soothe her, but as her eyes locked with Lucas', now standing mere feet away from her, she realized how feeble her attempt was. Her stomach tied into a knot as he stared back at her wordlessly, and something passed between the two of them.

Their unspoken exchange didn't go unnoticed by their friends, and although Brooke found it hard to pay attention to anything but Lucas, she vaguely registered them breaking away in small groups, leaving only her standing across from him. He took a step forward. She expected him to move closer, but instead he titled his head to the side, gesturing to the balcony with a smile. She couldn't help but smile back.

Wordlessly, she followed him. He stopped and turned around to face her when they were standing in the middle of the balcony. She was careful to keep her distance from him; she felt like she couldn't trust herself in the state she was in.

"I thought you weren't going to come," Lucas began. "I was considering coming to your house and kidnapping you."

She laughed softly as she explained her late arrival. "I just went home to get Peyton to tag along."

His brow furrowed at her best friend's name, and Brooke saw it as her chance to obtain the answers she'd been looking for all night. "Lucas, what happened with Peyton? No one will tell me anything, and I'm starting to go crazy here."

But Lucas shook his head. "Not tonight," he whispered. He slowly moved closer to her, and when she didn't stop him, he took one last step, bringing their faces mere inches apart. "We can talk later."

Brooke intended to protest, but the look on his face silenced her objection. She nodded, mesmerized. "Okay."

"God, I've missed you," he breathed. He'd already told her so earlier in the locker room, but only now did he allow the full force of his feelings to transpire into his words. His hand reached out and gently cupped her face.

Brooke closed her eyes at his touch, her face leaning into his hand instinctively. "That's why I came back," she told him.

He frowned but never let go of her face. Perhaps he knew she didn't want him to. "What do you mean?"

"I just… I _needed_ to see you." Brooke didn't go any further, unsure as to whether or not she should reveal more, but the astonishment she saw on his face stopped her thoughts short. She barely registered him moving, and before she knew it, both his hands were cupping her face.

"Brooke," he said softly, urgently, his blue eyes warmer than she ever remembered seeing them, "I won't leave you again. I will wait for you. I will fight for you." He smiled and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. "I will rescue you."

Sighing, Brooke let her head fall on his chest. Both her hands came to rest on either side of her head. She'd been trying so hard not to feel the full extent of her emotions – and she had failed miserably, of course – but with those few words and everything that they implied, she gave up.

She gave in.

Lucas buried his head in Brooke's hair. His arms wrapped around her waist, and Brooke was acutely aware of every inch where their bodies were touching. She could feel his warm breath in her hair, and his heart beating frenziedly in his chest, very much like hers.

She lost track of how long they remained still, leaning against one another. Eventually, Brooke moved and looked up into his eyes. She could see the lights of Tree Hill's riverfront from where she was, and could almost guess where the river court stood, like an anchor that had been in their lives through it all. But most of all, she could see Lucas' burning gaze and his perfect face, mere inches from hers.

Why had she fought this for so long? She knew the answer to that question, and yet as she reveled in his touch, she wondered how she could ever try to fight what Lucas and her had. It felt more right than anything else ever had.

Finally putting aside her doubts, Brooke leaned in and, with no hesitation, pressed her lips against his. She felt Lucas react instantly and tighten his hold on her. He kissed her back fiercely as she buried her hands in his hair, and Brooke sighed into their kiss.

All this time, she had been living in the dark, waiting for a light to show her the way. She wanted so desperately to come home, to feel loved and cherished, but there had been nothing but darkness and shadows surrounding her. There had been lights along the way – bright lanterns – but they had all burned out eventually. Chase, Owen – even Angie.

But now she could see again. She could see so brightly and clearly that the intensity of the light almost blinded her.

She saw Lucas, and his presence lit up her whole world.

Panting, Lucas pulled back. As he struggled to regain his breath again, he whispered two words that made Brooke's heart swell in happiness.

"Pretty girl."

--

_The song I used in the title of this chapter is sung by the amazing "Black Lab"_


	17. Ride

**Author's note: **There's a good chance this might be the second to last chapter – I can't believe this story has almost come to an end. This chapter has been a long time coming, and I hope it does justice to the BL relationship and to Lucas and Brooke as individual characters. It wasn't easy to write but I enjoyed it thoroughly.

Thank you guys for everything, and enjoy the reading!

Laurie

**Chapter 17: Ride**

_You are everything I wanted,  
The scars of all I'll ever know_

_If I told you you were right, would you take my hand tonight?  
If I told you the reasons why, would you leave your life and ride?  
Ride_

_You saw all my pieces broken  
This darkness I could never show_

_If I told you you were right, would you take my hand tonight?  
If I told you the reasons why, would you leave your life and ride?  
Ride  
Ride  
Ride_

Brooke winked at Lucas as he drowned his pint of beer. He set it down loudly on the bar counter and smiled back at her. Never taking her eyes off Lucas, she walked up to him, grabbed his hand, and together they strolled through the patio and towards the entrance of the bar. Brooke pulled him to her once they reached the hallway, and he backed her up against the wall, both his hands framing her body.

His mouth lingered over hers and she felt him – rather than heard him – chuckle. "This feels familiar."

She laughed as she shook her head. "If you think you're gonna get another glimpse at my tattoo, think again, Broody. You have to earn that right."

Lucas pressed his lips against hers. "Anything for you."

"Actually, I was hoping you would take me home? Peyton left a while ago and we drove here together."

Lucas drew himself back and held out his hand to her. She gave him hers eagerly.

Maybe the best explanation as to why she'd finally stopped fighting the way she felt about him was the simple fact that he made her happy. She cherished that feeling.

Lucas pulled her to him the second the elevator doors closed, and he didn't free her lips until they reached the ground floor. She didn't protest because she felt just like he did: now that he was hers again, she never wanted to let him go.

-----

Lucas stopped the car's engine and silence settled inside his red Mustang. He shifted in his seat to face Brooke, but he remained silent. She smiled.

"Thank you for taking me home."

"Thank you for letting me."

Brooke looked away. Now that the night was coming to an end and it was just the two of them, she could feel the atmosphere shift. There were so many questions to answer, so many amends to make, and she knew the tension would not subside until Lucas and her talked. But she wasn't ready for it tonight. She wanted to keep the memory of this night intact; untouched.

"I should probably go. It's getting late."

Lucas nodded. "Okay. But I have one favor to ask before you go."

Brooke nodded in response.

"Meet me at your store tomorrow night, at eight PM?"

"Okay."

She knew better than to ask him for an explanation. She could tell from the look in his eyes he wasn't going to give anything away; plus, she liked not knowing.

She reached for the door handle, but his voice stopped her.

"Brooke?"

She turned to face him. She expected to find him struggling for words, hesitating – brooding, as he did so well – but instead she found his lips closing in on hers.

His kiss was deliberately slow, and she felt her heart rate pick up.

"Goodnight," he whispered as he tore his mouth from hers.

She chuckled. "Not fair."

He pretended not to hear her, or feel her frustration. "I'll see you tomorrow night."

Sighing, she finally stepped out of the car. He waited until she was inside her house before starting the engine again, and she watched his Mustang driving away in the night.

Tomorrow night could not come soon enough.

----

With her sketch book in one hand and her purse in the other, Brooke hurriedly stepped out of her house. She was busy shuffling through her purse in search for her car keys when she walked down the flight of stairs in front of her door. She was so distracted by her task that she missed the last step, and for the span of a second, she cursed herself for being so careless and braced herself for the fall. But instead of landing on the harsh concrete, she slammed into a warm, strong body.

Brooke looked up in a daze and found herself looking straight into Lucas' eyes.

"Are you okay?" were the first words that escaped his lips.

She nodded, unsure. She hadn't fallen on the ground, but colliding full force into him had knocked the breath out of her all the same.

She felt him relax. "Good morning," he said, now reassured that she wasn't hurt.

Composing herself, Brooke greeted him the best she could given the circumstances. "Morning."

"Would you be inclined to my giving you a ride to work this morning, Ms. Davis?"

She smiled. "I would love to."

"I was hoping you would say that."

Lucas moved the hand he'd been keeping behind his back and revealed a bouquet of red tulips.

Speechless, Brooke stared at him.

_I just figured, since it's the first day of school, the _guy for me_ would pick me up, bring me flowers, maybe a bagel…_

She reached for the flowers tentatively. "You remembered."

Both of his hands now free, Lucas reached out and cupped her face. "I remember everything."

Brooke's eyes went from his eyes to the flowers and back to him again. "I love them."

Lucas almost replied, "I love _you_", but managed not to let it slip. "Come on," he told her. "Let's go."

He took her sketch book from her, and as she walked besides him towards the car, he took her hand in his.

"Luke?"

"Yeah?"

"You have bagels in the car, right?"

She felt the way his body shook in her hand when he laughed, and a silent thrill ran through her own body.

Maybe she was still dreaming.

Maybe if she wished for it hard enough, she would never wake up.

----

Brooke's day at the store passed in a flash. With Millicent gone, she had twice the amount of work she usually had. The pace was a welcome distraction – it kept her mind off of other things… namely, Lucas.

She had been planning on going home to change before Lucas arrived, but she was still engrossed in her inventory when she heard someone walk in the door. She looked up, and Lucas was standing in the threshold, smiling. Only when she saw him did she realize exactly how much she'd longed for this moment all day long.

"Hey you," he said as he walked up to her. "How was your day?"

She had placed the red tulips he had given her in a vase on the counter, and she was standing right next to them. Lucas took one flower and handed it to her with a smile.

"Good," she said, louder than she'd intended. Could he hear her heart hammering in her chest? She felt like it was the only sound in the room.

In an attempt to calm herself down, she smelled the tulip she was now holding.

"It means believe me," Lucas said.

She looked up to him, confused, and he went on. "The red tulips – they're a declaration of love. True love. They person who is giving the flowers is asking the other, _believe me_."

Brooke willed her lips to move but no sound escaped them. She wanted to say, "I do," but she wasn't ready. Not yet.

Sensing her struggle, Lucas didn't press the subject any further. "Are you ready?" he asked.

"Give a minute to get my things."

"You don't have to," he told her. "We're not going anywhere."

"What?"

He held out his hand to her. "Trust me."

She gave him her hand without pausing – which meant more to him than he could tell her – and followed him to the back of the store. Once there, he stopped.

"Close your eyes," he said. She pouted, but he insisted with a "please," and she closed them eventually.

Lucas carefully led her up the stairs. Once they were on the rooftop, he had her wait for a couple of minutes while he put the final touches to his surprise. Then he walked back to her and took her soft, warm hand in his again. "You can open your eyes."

She did.

And she stopped breathing.

Somehow, while she'd been gone, Lucas had redecorated the entire rooftop and transformed it into her own personal oasis.

To the left, under a beautiful dark-red tent, there stood a white couch. In front of it was a wooden coffee table covered in a long white rectangular table cloth. And at the center of the table stood another big bouquet of red tulips; the cloth itself was covered by a trail of petals.

The trail continued up to the railing, which was adorned with a dozen of candle jars. Dark-red candles were all floating in water. Their lights cast beautiful shadows on the railing.

To the right, Lucas had brought in dozens of plants; they brought more life to the rooftop. A huge palm tree stood over the rest of them, dominating the rooftop with its majesty. Brooke could see more petals scattered on the ground; the trail came up to where Lucas and her were standing.

It was like she had just landed on another planet.

It was like a dream.

"Do you like it?"

She heard him ask the question but couldn't really process the words, let alone find it in her to answer him.

"Brooke?"

Finally tearing her eyes away from the rooftop, she turned to him. "You did this for me?"

"You're always going out of your way to make others' lives better. I thought this would make _you_ happy."

She stared at him as he spoke and found she had to close her eyes. She was losing her balance. She was in way too deep, and she would never be able to get out.

God, she was _so_ in love with him.

When she opened her eyes again, he was still there.

It wasn't a dream; it was real.

"Thank you," she mouthed. She wanted to say more – so much more – but the words wouldn't come. So she brought his hand – which she'd been holding all this time – to her chest, and put it where her heart was. It was pounding in her chest, and she hoped he would feel it.

She didn't realize she was crying until she felt him wipe her tears with his thumb. "Hey, it wasn't supposed to make you cry!"

She smiled through her tears, and his face lit up. "Now that's better." She nodded in agreement, still at loss for words.

Lowering their hands, Lucas led her to the sofa where they sat down next to each other. He angled his body so he faced her, all the while never letting go of her hand.

He reached in his back pocket and took out the four letters Brooke had written to him over the years. He watched her face as he placed the stack on the coffee table. Almost instantly, the lines on her beautiful face hardened and her jaw tightened. But what struck him the most was how scared she looked at the sight of the letters.

"Where did you find those?"

She sounded harsher than she'd intended, but fear overwhelmed her at the possibility of him reading those letters and knowing… knowing _everything_. The mere thought paralyzed her.

"Peyton gave them to me."

Brooke briefly closed her eyes in disbelief. "Peyton?" She forced herself to take a deep breath. "So you both… you both_ read_ them?"

Brooke looked so hurt that Lucas actually feared that those four letters would bring them apart rather than together. Trying to keep his calm, he thought of the best way he could explain to her how he had ended up with her letters – letters he was never supposed to read. Except the words that they held were what had finally made him see the light… and for that he could never bring himself to regret reading them.

"She was trying to figure out where you'd gone the morning she found your room empty. She came across these… and I guess she immediately realized what it meant. I think that's why she read them, because she knew it would explain everything. She brought them to me – she said she hoped it would help fix things."

Lucas stopped, unsure whether he should continue or not. Brooke's face gave away no emotion, and it scared him more than if she'd been raging mad.

"Brooke. Say something, please."

But she couldn't. He_ knew_. He knew every crack in her heart. He knew how in love with him she had been – and by extension, how much she still was.

She had once accused Lucas of never letting her all the way in. The thing was, since _he_ had broken her heart, she'd learned never to let anyone all the way in either. She was guarded, careful not to give her trust unless she was absolutely sure the person deserved it. And even then… she never fully trusted anyone. She never showed her true colors.

But now Lucas could see. He could see everything. And_ that_ scared her more than anything ever had.

"You had no right to do that."

Lucas flinched at her tone. It was a side of Brooke that he had glimpsed during their senior year but had forgotten existed. It was a side of her he'd hoped never to see again. She was cold, detached – so unlike the Brooke he knew and loved.

"I know," he said. "I know you never meant for me to read them. But I'm not going to apologize," he said firmly – as firmly as she'd been cold. Brooke's eyes shot up to his face immediately, daring him to go on. He did. "Brooke, if Peyton hadn't given me those letters, I wouldn't have known. I wouldn't have realized –"

"Don't!" she interrupted him. Her hand flew up in front of her, forming a shield between her and him. "Please don't."

She rose from the couch in one motion and started moving away from him, but Lucas managed to hold onto her wrist before she was out of his reach.

"Brooke, look at me." When she didn't, he rose too. She had her back to him so he leaned into her, his lips inches from her ear. "Please turn around."

He could have easily made her, but he didn't want to brusque her – she was scared enough as it was. But more importantly, he wanted _her _to do it of her own will

"I'm not gonna hurt you this time." He'd thought maybe those words would prompt her to turn around and face him, but the reaction she had was not the one he expected.

She wasn't detached anymore. Her eyes shone with unshed tears, and her arms were wrapped tightly around her small frame. "Really?" she asked half-laughing, half-crying. "That's what you said last time, and look where that got me!"

There was no point in pretending anymore. He knew how damaged she was now. She wished she could remain indifferent and walk away from him unmoved. She couldn't trust herself in this state.

Lucas closed his eyes in pain. He couldn't blame her for her words. He deserved them – and so much more. He'd come to resent himself so much for his actions he wondered how Brooke could still bear to even look at him. But he was too much of a coward to ask her that question.

"Please let me explain," he pleaded.

She started to move away from him again, but this time his grip was iron-strong.

"You came back," he said softly, his eyes searching for hers. "You're here now. Please hear me out."

They had been doing so well up until a few minutes ago, when he had shown her the letters, that he had almost fooled himself into thinking that they were fine. But that's what he had done with Peyton, and he wasn't about to make the same mistake twice. For one thing, Brooke was all he wanted – he wasn't going to mess it up this time around. And for another, he owed it to her to explain everything.

He had read her words – now she needed to hear his.

"Okay," she said almost inaudibly.

He let out of a sigh of relief and made her sit back down with him. This time she was careful to keep her distance.

"When you broke up with me," he began, "I really thought you'd stopped loving me. I thought you didn't want _us _anymore. Maybe I chose to believe you because I thought you'd abandoned me, too – first Dan, then Keith, and then you – and it was easier to accept it than to try and fight back. I didn't have to put my heart on the line anymore. But whatever the reason, I let myself believe your lie.

"And when I read your letters, and I realized what you'd done… I literally stopped breathing. All this time, I thought you had moved on when you'd sacrificed your own happiness for mine and Peyton's. And I never knew. I was so blind – it kills me just to think about it."

Brooke spoke quietly, without looking at him. Her eyes were fixed on a distant light, over the rooftop. "You weren't blind, Lucas. You were in love with Peyton."

He shook his head, immediately correcting her. "I wasn't. Not when you broke up with me. I loved _you_, Brooke. I wanted _you_. You have to believe that."

"It doesn't matter," Brooke said, sounding almost tired. "You would have gone to Peyton sooner or later."

"Brooke, listen to me." He reached out and placed a hand on her face. She tried to move her head away but he brought her eyes back to his. "I was in love with _you_. You have to believe me when I tell you that _you_ were the one I wanted by my side. You still are."

Brooke let out a shaky, unsteady breath. How could she not believe him when he was so open with her? How could she deny him anything when his eyes were boring into her soul?

"A lot happened ever since," she whispered.

"I know. But I also know now that if I hadn't thought that you didn't want to be with me anymore, it wouldn't have happened like this. I… the way I thought I felt about Peyton, the things I wrote… I know that if you hadn't pushed me toward her, it wouldn't have been that way."

"I only broke up with you, Lucas. You did the rest all on your own."

"Maybe I did. But what I'm trying to tell you is that everything I thought my relationship with Peyton was, everything I built it up to be, it was only because I was trying to move on from _you_. I was too blind to see your sacrifice, but what I did see was you trying to get Peyton and me together. That night during the championship – it would have never felt the way it did if you hadn't sent me to her first. What I thought was clarity was my heart trying to make sense of my world without you in it."

A handful of seconds passed by before Brooke spoke again. She was trying to process everything he was saying, but she could feel his words swirl around in her head and she almost felt dizzy. Despite how much she still loved him, she couldn't get herself to believe him. There was something – like a shield around her heart – that made his words bounce right back. And logic refused his explanation. It was too easy, after all these years, to say that she'd been the one all along when he'd done nothing but break her heart.

"If you loved me that much," she spoke quietly, "how could you even think that you and Peyton were _destined_ to be together?"

Lucas shrugged helplessly. He wished he had a way to let her see into his mind so she would understand how clear it all was for him. "I was lying to myself. I was trying to move on – and I guess I fooled myself even better than I fooled everybody else."

Brooke stared at him, studying his face, trying to find something that would tell her it was okay to trust him. "That's not enough," she whispered.

He moved closer to her, attempting to break through her defenses. "I wish you'd had enough faith then," he said softly. "I wish you'd given me a chance. I know things would have been different."

Lucas regretted his words the moment they'd escaped his lips. He knew how it had sounded – like he was accusing_ her_ – and he immediately wished he could take them back.

"I _did_ give you a chance, Lucas!" Brooke said, her body shaking with a sob. She could no longer fight the tears that were flowing down her face. This moment was so reminiscent of the fight they'd had at Nathan and Haley's wedding, and it broke her heart that in the end, it always came down to the same thing. She'd always had the faith in their relationship, and he'd never fought hard enough. "I gave you _everything_. But you _never_ fought for me!

Lucas watched with difficulty as Brooke looked away, feeling more powerless than he ever had. Her emotions were so raw he could feel them as if they were his. Her heart was open for him to see – the heart he had so carelessly broken over and over again. How could he have ever accused_ her_ of never fighting for him? He could remember with painful clarity the look on Brooke's face when he'd told her he wasn't going to fight for her anymore because she'd never fought for him. He knew now that what he'd interpreted as cold indifference from her part had been a mere façade concealing how much she'd been hurting. But this time, he was going to make it right.

"Why me?" she asked, almost pleading him. Why me this time?" She needed to know. She needed the truth.

Lucas flinched at the words she used. He knew what they meant. Last time she had asked, he'd answered and then he'd gone and broken her heart. She probably thought he was a liar, and he couldn't blame her.

This time would be different.

"Brooke… you're the one for me," he spoke with more conviction than he'd ever had in his whole life. "The fact that I thought otherwise for so long was the biggest lie I ever told myself. And now that I realize that you're the one I've been in love with for all these years, it's like everything makes sense again. It did when we were together during senior year, and it still does now – maybe more than ever. My heart… it's yours. It has always been. That night I found you in the backseat of my car – that was the moment when everything changed."

Lucas stopped. He wasn't sure whether he had said too much or not. He watched her face as she continued to gaze at him. Her eyes were so full of tears he could almost see himself reflected in them.

A full minute passed by before Brooke spoke. "I – I don't know what to say."

"Say you believe me."

In the end, it all came down to the same thing. Trust. But it was unreasonable, not to mention somewhat delusional, for him to think she could still trust him after everything he'd done.

Brooke blinked, and a single, lonely tear rolled down her cheek. She felt like her whole world had been turned upside down in a single conversation. She didn't know how to even begin to grasp everything he had just said.

_That night I found you in the backseat of my car – that was the moment when everything changed._

She took a long breath.

"I believe you," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. But he heard her.

And maybe his next reaction should have been to talk more, to explain more – because he knew that there was a lot left to talk about – but the rush of love and desire he felt for her in that moment would not be denied.

So he did the only thing that he knew to do to prove his words.

He kissed her.

And what took his breath away was not the almost-frantic way they clung to each other, or how her porcelain skin felt under his touch, or even the sounds that escaped her soft lips when she gasped for air. What left him breathless was the way he felt Brooke open her heart up to him. She wasn't holding back anymore. She was trusting him with her feelings and with her heart, and he knew he would cherish both and fight to keep them, with everything that he was, for the rest of his life.


End file.
